"Rachel, go back to sleep." I yawned, shuffling myself so that I was on my side. "I'm here and nothing will hurt you. I need some sleep, but I'm too afraid to leave you alone because you were screaming."
"I was screaming?" Rachel raised an eyebrow and tilted her head as she was on her side as well so that we were facing each other.
Rachel hadn't known that she was crying out there? Here I was worrying about her and she didn't even know why. I sat up still gazing into her green eyes through the darkness. Lines were etched in her face. Rachel pushed herself up and took one of my hands in both of hers. We curled up on the couch a bunch of times, was a bed really that much different?
"Nick, you don't have to be so protective towards me. I can take care of myself very well and been doing that for years now. I'm a big girl. So don't worry about me so much, Nick."
She gave me a smile, but I knew she was hiding behind that smile. Even if I hadn't known her, no one goes from yelling in their sleep to smiling that quickly. No sane person anyway.
"Rachel believe it or not, but I can't not worry about you," I spoke honestly, unable to break our eye contact.
Was Dill right? Even over a month ago? Was I falling in love with Rachel? Or was I already in love with her in the beginning? Now I was confused. I would come clean to the fact that I had been caring a little more about her these days. I couldn’t hold back on the kisses. I found myself unable to withhold on the small touches. Unlike anyone I had ever been with, I had this feeling of wanting to be near her no matter what mood she was in. I couldn't help myself watching her insanity, her frustration, confusion, or even her laughter as a grin spread across her face. This was so not normal.
"Nick maybe we're getting a little too close," Rachel said softly, glancing down at the sheets that were covering our legs.
Rachel seemed to be reading my thoughts. She looked a little anxious as her hands were trembling with the sheets. What could she be afraid of? I know I was a little lost, but she appeared to be upset. Her shoulders were rigid as she avoided my eyes completely.
"What?" I questioned slowly.
"It's just..."
"Amanda hasn't done anything to you, has she?" I just blurted out thinking back to how furious Amanda seemed when I broke up with her back in November.
"No…" Rachel glanced at me before retreating back to her position.
Silence filled the room between us. I couldn't bring myself to even look at her either. My nerves made me so irritated; it shouldn't be so complicated we were married, this phase should not be happening. To hell with emotions.
"Well, night, Nick."
Rachel folded the sheets over and strolled to the door.
"Rachel, where the hell do you think you're going?" I asked, causing her to stop moving.
"To my room to try to sleep and I'll sleep with the door open for once so if I start screaming again you can help. Will that make you feel better?"
So Rachel was now going to patronize me was she? I stared at her, but I could only really see parts of her reflecting the moonlight in the dark room, she wasn't near me anymore. The bed already felt empty.
"I guess."
Rachel was gone for me to sleep which took awhile between my racing mind and worrying if I'd hear more yells. My mind was swirling with all the feelings and puzzlement. I really wanted to strangle the emotions with the tie; that might solve things.
When I woke up it was late afternoon yet my mind still felt heavy as lead, and foggy. Sliding out of my room since I was unable to pick up my feet, I rubbed my head, but my mind still felt like cotton balls were crammed in there. I was tossing and turning for what seemed like forever the night before. Feeling like I hadn't gotten any sleep at all with the memory of what happened to Rachel came rushing back. I was about to freak out, but I saw Rachel curled up reading on the couch. She was so in tune with her book that she didn't even notice that I was right there behind her. Rachel turned a page then pushed some hair behind her right ear like I had seen her do thousands of other times. While we were living together and years before our arrangement.
"How are you, Rachel?" I asked, my voice was hoarse with lack of sleep.
"Nick, you scared me."
Rachel had her hand over her heart while the other hand was holding her place in her book. She started to grin and placed her book down before Rachel spun around to look at me. Rachel seemed relaxed, calm as her face filled with her smile, her muscles weren't clenched like last night or how I was feeling then.
"How can you be so calm Rachel?" I inquired, narrowing my eyes.
"Relax Nick," Rachel said dryly, with an eye roll. "You're acting like you were the one who had the dream last night."
"I had a dream a few weeks ago," my voice was light at the change of attitude as I sat down across from her on the couch.
"I bet mine was worse," Rachel challenged.
"I don't doubt that. It's just-"
"It
