"That isn't going to work either, Nicholas Alexander March," she spoke while my lips were still on hers, so that her lips moved touching mine.
"Hey, it was worth a shot," I replied, leaning over so my forehead was against hers and my nose ran along hers.
"Nick we already told them we were going and if we don't show up that would be rude."
"Mark won't care. Also I would rather stay here with you and-" I continued about to kiss her again, but she turned her head away from mine.
"Don't you dare finish that sentence. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't feel right if something happened between us then they got rid of the marriages."
I still hadn't told her how the courts were going, and they were getting worse by the day, maybe pathetic was a better word for court. I was seriously wondering if preschoolers were running the court by how bad things were appearing. I would have thought that our case would cause more problems throughout the nation with the federal government versus the state. I looked the other way, unable to meet her eyes.
"Why are you being so quiet, Nick? Tell me now what you're hiding." Her hands withdrew from my shoulders.
"Rachel-"
"Don't patronize me, just tell me the truth now."
Rachel had wiggled out of my arms and was staring at me from a couple of feet away. Taking a deep breath, I stared at the floor thinking I wouldn't be able to see the disappointment in her eyes. I knew I would have to tell her eventually, but I was procrastinating as long as I could. I knew this would crush her. I really didn't want to be the one to tell her.
"Well it looks like we're losing in court. Someone must have hired a moron to defend us or something. I thought this would be an easy case, open close case, but apparently not. I don't get what is happening with the state and the federal government because they are using us as an experiment. It doesn't matter though because we love each other," I finished, glancing up at her, I tried to keep my voice calm because my curiosity was focused on how Rachel would react and I couldn't stop myself from saying that I did feel for her.
I had lost some sleep when I was figuring out what was always on my mind. I had to tell her, she had to feel the same about me. I had never said ‘I love you’ to a girl.
"You've been lying to me," she exasperated with her hands moving fast. "We don't love each other. We're too young to love each other."
Her eyes were like a deer stuck in headlights, not sure what was happening or what to do. Just like how my mind felt right now. I did not plan on telling her that I had feelings for her. I was barely able to admit it to myself, but the signs were there. There was only so much denial a guy could put up with.
"Rachel you do love me. I know you feel what I feel between us." I tried harder to get her to see with my words. Stepping closer to her I could see the color drain from her face.
"It doesn't matter, we can't, we just can't," she pleaded, shaking, taking steps away from me with each step I took towards to her.
"Why can't we?"
My insides screamed at my stupidity and her rejection. Why couldn't she make it easy and admit what I could see? I mean she had to agree that there was a reason she was always snuggling with me. She was relying on me differently. The way she always smiled around me. I wanted her to get close to me again.
"Because, Nick, a lot of things. We're sixteen years old, first of all. They will get rid of the marriages and then what, we date or what? We can't love each other, Nick, we just can't. Let's just go already. They are going to get rid of the marriages!"
Rachel rushed out of the door and I went after her. I couldn't find the words for her. I had told her I loved her. I watched her in silence as she got ahead of me in her t-shirt and jeans.
We left and marched to Mark's house. She was silent the whole hike and seemed like she was going to be for the whole night. Nothing had hurt more in my whole life. I had told her I loved her and I was so sure that she felt the same for me. Yet, she stood there discarding it all. Rachel wouldn't tell me she loved me. I never felt half of what I felt for Rachel for another girl, yet she denied it all like it was forbidden.
15
Rachel
Music was blasting through the house as Mark opened his door with a red cup of what I thought was most likely beer. I could just smell the alcohol from where I was standing. The scent irritated my nose as I scrunched my face. Mark had the biggest smirk on his face as he greeted Nick and me. His arms were wide open as he stepped aside for us to pass him. His dark brown hair was a mess and I could tell that it fit his alcoholic induced mood.
"Glad you're here Nick! What's a Mark party without my three greatest friends?" Mark slurred as Nick and I walked into the house. "Dill's already here and John's on his way at least I think he is because I haven't seen him. Well hello there Rachel have fun at your first Mark party."
Mark was making me so uncomfortable. My heart was hitting a hundred miles an hour with the butterflies in my stomach accelerating
