After Thought

still didn’t know exactly how he felt about the whole situation. It was getting to be a bit too much for him—too heavy of a burden on his shoulders. He was still wrestling with his conscience about killing two people. The authorities would never know. There would never be a trial. He would never pay any penalty in the American legal system, but he was now probably the KTP’s most-wanted fugitive, and he imagined that the justice they would serve would be far worse than any he would encounter in the normal legal system. He feared his life would be in danger if the meeting didn’t go well with the KTP. He wondered if his relationship with Maddie could withstand this trial if it all went down wrong. He wondered if everyone would be forced to go even further into the underground and it would be his fault. He would have to leave his life as he knew it—the band, his friends, and even his family. They wouldn’t even know what happened to him. He would simply disappear, leaving them to mourn and wonder if he was alive or dead.

Then he thought about Maddie’s life and all she had been through. She had lived a life of lies and fake identities for over a hundred years. It made his heart ache for her. It also made him very angry at the KTP and Paul, who had once loved her and had probably still loved her in some strange and twisted way. Adam was angry that Paul had done this to her and all of the others. He had taken care of Paul, but it also made him want to lash out at the KTP. He was conflicted. He wanted to join the peaceful ones and be a practitioner of Refined Transcendent Power so that he and Maddie could be together forever—eternally young, eternally happy. But he couldn’t guarantee that future for them as long as the KTP existed and was still a threat. They would never be able to live their lives freely. It made him realize, even more so, that facing the KTP was the right thing to do.

Adam also knew that facing the KTP was dangerous, and there was a good probability that they would all be killed if the meeting went badly. With so many thoughts going through his head, he was really starting to feel stressed. He and Maddie hadn’t been able to talk about how they both felt about the situation. He recalled when she told him the story of her sons being killed. The trauma had caused her to enter into her own little, mental world unable to function for months. Adam feared that the current events might do the same damage to her, and that it might be months before their relationship could be repaired. He feared that she was angry at him for killing Paul. He feared that she hated him. They hadn’t kissed or been intimate, or even held hands, since the incident occurred. He feared that she was just tolerating him long enough to meet with the KTP. She hadn’t told him to go to hell and leave, but she hadn’t been affectionate either. He didn’t know what to make of it. It hurt him to think they might not ever be the same again, because he loved her with all his heart. His life would not be worth living if she wasn’t a part of it. So he decided that if she told him she didn’t love him anymore, he would fight to the death if the meeting with the KTP went south. He hoped that, by fighting for freedom, eventually his death would give her a better life.

Suddenly, Adam became aware that his thoughts were those of fear and doubt. He reminded himself that he needed to get the negative thoughts out of his mind and only think positively. He told himself that she was just having a hard time dealing with Paul’s death. Maddie had loved Paul. She bore his children—even though he turned out to be a monster. Adam could see why she might still care for him, if only somewhere in the recesses of her heart. She was probably also afraid of what the future held for her and Adam. Knowing her, she was more fearful for the lives of the ones she loved than for her own life. Adam knew they needed to talk, but he didn’t know when the time would be right. So until then, he continued to give her space.

Sancha and Mel invited Maddie and Adam to stay at their house until the meeting was over, but they decided it would be best for all of them if they split up. If the KTP decided to go ahead and seek revenge, it would be better to be spread out in different locations. Maddie and Adam booked a suite across town. When they got to the hotel, Maddie was still not talking to him. She immediately started making phone calls and telling people about the upcoming meeting. Adam didn’t know any practitioners of Refined Transcendent Power other than the ones Maddie had introduced him to, so he didn’t have any phone calls to make. Instead, he got online, using the secure laptop and VPN connection that Jonathan had provided him, and started searching some secure websites that Maddie had given him for possible ways to contact people. He tried to think of positive thoughts of thousands of people from all over the world attending the meeting. He imagined people of all races, ages, and beliefs with one thing in common—they were all peaceful practitioners.

Maddie asked each person that she contacted to spread the word and ask their friends to do the same. Adam found a few interesting hits on the internet. He had never Google searched for “Refined Transcendent Power” before, but he actually found some groups, chats, and blogs that could possibly be visited by practitioners of RTP. He posted anonymous