“WHY?” Lyra’s voice demanded. “There is only peace when there is remorse and repentance, and there is only repentance when there is brokenness and a willingness to admit what it is you have done. Accept the peace being offered to you, Myanin. Accept the grace.”
“I did it because I was jealous. I was selfish. I wanted what I wanted and didn’t care who it hurt.” Myanin spoke out loud. For some reason she felt like the words, the truth, needed to be said. Her voice was broken and rough, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care that Tenia was there to witness it. She didn’t care that she probably sounded crazy. She just needed it out. She knew if she held it in any longer then she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. “I hated you because I thought your punishment was unfair. I wanted you to feel the same betrayal I perceived happening to me. I was living only for myself. I have been living only for myself.”
“And now?” Lyra asked.
“I don’t want to be in the dark anymore.” She choked as a sob broke through her voice. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.” Her tears turned to weeping as Myanin rocked back and forth seeking comfort she did not deserve. “I’m sorry, Lyra. I’m so very sorry.” She looked up and shook her head, her hair sticking to her wet cheeks. “And I know it’s not enough. It will never be enough. I offer my life, though it won’t give you back yours. I don’t want your magic, goddess,” Myanin cried out as she tugged at her clothes, as if she could somehow pull it out of her own body. “How could I do that to you! How could I rip away a part of you? Please, Great Luna, please take it away. Take it away, I beg you. Don’t let me stay like this.” Her voice was barely audible as she turned her face toward the sky. The rays of the sun had reached her feet and were slowly moving up her legs, her stomach, and neck, until finally the warmth rested on her tear-stained face. “Make me new,” she whispered.
Myanin didn’t know what she expected. Maybe for the earth to shake or a bright light to burn through her? Maybe for rain to fall from the sky to symbolically cleanse her, or for the Great Luna to literally reach into her chest and rip the beating organ from her chest. But none of those things happened.
“I forgive you,” Lyra’s voice said gently in her mind. Myanin felt the elder’s presence leave, though the pulse of her magic remained behind. She didn’t know what that meant.
“I forgive you, my child, my precious warrior who once was lost but now is found,” The goddess’s warmth engulfed her, even more than the sun. It surrounded her in a comforting embrace. Myanin felt it down to her soul. She was clean. The darkness that had been rotting her like an infection was gone. But would it stay gone?
“I’m afraid,” Myanin admitted to the Great Luna.
“Don’t be. Fear is a liar, he will steal your courage, he will rob you of your joy, and he will claim your victory as his own. My love for you is greater than your fear. Trust that.”
“And the magic?” she asked. “It’s still there. I don’t want it.”
“You will use it one last time, then you will let it go of your own free will.”
Myanin still felt the peace inside her even as the goddess’s voice faded from her mind. She could still feel the magic, though it didn’t burn anymore. Maybe because she no longer wanted it for herself? Maybe because she finally admitted it had never been okay for her to take it in the first place? Whatever the reason, even without the pain, she would be glad to let it go as soon as possible. She trusted that the Great Luna seemed to know Myanin would recognize when that time came. For now, she sat in the quiet landscape with the sun shining on her. The coldness that had chilled her to the bones, now gone.
A few minutes went by and then Tenia began to sing. Myanin didn’t open her eyes. She just listened as the haunting beauty of the fae’s voice caused goosebumps to rise on her arms.
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.
When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.
As Tenia’s voice faded and the song ended, Myanin swallowed hard and opened her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek. “What was that?”
“It’s a song humans call a hymn. I heard it once in a church— a place where humans worship their Creator. It's a song written about Him. For some reason, whenever I sing it, I feel peace. It may have been written for them and their Creator, but I think it can apply to us and ours
