It didn’t take long to wash and dry the handful of dishes and put away the leftovers. And then, each with a bowl of chocolate ice cream in hand, they headed for the living room. Luka darted in front of them, grabbing the remotes from the coffee table then laying claim to and curling up on the single armchair, leaving Nate and Jared to take the couch.
With a sigh, Nate pressed down the ice cream as it melted. He raised his shoulders. He felt as if someone were watching him. He turned his head to find Jared grinning at him. “What?”
Jared stirred his spoon. “Always got told by my brothers I was weird for pretty much turning my ice cream into an extra thick milkshake any time we had it at home.”
Nate stared down at the creamy goop swirled in the bottom of his dish. He cleared his throat. “Rhea used to…” He checked on Luka who was engrossed in some animated movie he’d chosen. “And then she did it for Luka and I guess I got in the habit, too.” He picked up his spoon and filled his mouth with the lumpy cold paste. He licked his lips. The chocolate was sweeter than he’d thought it was going to be. “It’s good,” he said, hoping to keep the conversation from settling on the past. “Thank you for bringing it.”
“No worries.” Jared licked the ice-cream from his spoon and Nate couldn’t help but let his gaze linger on Jared’s mouth, the way his lips curled around the spoon, and the flick of his tongue.
What the hell am I thinking?
When Jared focused on the TV, Nate was left feeling relieved.
The movie played out over the next eighty minutes. A group of children helping a large fluffy creature find its way home. Nate breathed in as the credits rolled and exhaled out of his nose when he spotted Luka draped over the arm of the chair, his eyes closed.
“Lightweight,” Jared said in a low voice and smiled.
Nate stretched back his shoulders then got to his feet. “Think he was a bit too excited about you coming over.”
He was aware neither him nor Luka had slept well the last two nights. Excitement and joy, fear and doubt. Lots of feelings had stirred inside Nate about inviting Jared into his home.
He crouched down, looking at his openmouthed son. “Hey, Luka.” He gently prodded Luka’s cheek. “Luka.”
Luka groaned and his eyelids fluttered as he woke. He rolled his head. “Huh? Dad? Ten more minutes.”
Nate sighed. “It’s time for bed not school. Come on. Get up.”
Luka licked his lips. Brown chocolatey stains were in the corners of his mouth. He opened his eyes wider and arched his neck. “Jared’s still here.” He sounded a mix of surprised and relieved.
Jared gave him a little wave.
“He is, so come and say goodnight. And make sure to thank him again for the ice cream.”
Luka rolled himself off the chair and landed on his knees on the floor. He stretched his arms above his head, then pulled himself to his feet using the side of the armchair. He went to Jared’s side.
Nate collected the bowls from the coffee table. “Make it quick, then straight to bed. And make sure you wash your mouth properly.” He left Luka to his goodbyes and took the dishes through to the kitchen. He placed them by the sink and rubbed the back of his neck. It was already after eight.
“Need any help?” Jared asked from behind him, startling him.
“Jeez.” Nate turned to face him and leaned back against the edge of the counter.
“Sorry. Did I scare you?”
Nate shook his head. “Not really. I was just… I don’t know. Mind wandered I guess.”
“Luka’s gone to brush his teeth.”
“Right.” Nate turned around and turned on the faucet, held his hand under the water waiting for it to run warm. “Sorry if you were bored. It’s been a while since we had guests over.”
“It was fine.”
“Luka was happy you came.” He glanced over his shoulder. Jared had stepped farther into the room.
“He was?”
Nate nodded. He focused on rinsing out the bowls. “Yeah. I don’t know why.”
“Harsh,” Jared said.
Laughing, Nate piled the dishes and turned off the water. “You know I didn’t mean it that way.” He turned around. Jared had moved even closer and the expression he wore made Nate uneasy.
The way he’s looking at me.
It was then Jared asked, “And you?” He ran his hand over the countertop as he took a step. “Were you happy I came?”
Was I?
An ache spread in his chest and it had nothing to do with burned lasagna or feasting on rich ice cream. It hurt and yet, he welcomed the familiar sensation as it spread lower.
Attraction? Desire? Want? It was seeped in the weight of emotions. Looking at Jared, just hanging out with him, those moments had brought feelings to the surface he hadn’t felt or wanted to feel in a long time. His fleeting nights with men like Michael were about escaping. There were no feelings, no connections, and yet with Jared, there was something about him that stirred up Nate’s insides the more time he spent with him.
It’s scary.
“I—”
“Dad!” Luka’s footsteps grew louder as he ran to the kitchen. He jumped through the door, announcing, “All done.” He was already in his pajamas.
Nate cleared his throat. Reset his focus. “Let me see.”
Luka grumbled but walked over to him, leaned his head back, and beamed up at him.
“Ah, yes. All clean,” Nate noted. “Go on. I’ll see you to bed.” He walked past Jared. “If you want to finish the wine or want anything else to eat just help yourself. I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Sure. Night, Luka.”
“Night,” Luka said cheerily.
Nate rested his hand on Luka’s back and guided him out of the kitchen and to his bedroom.
“Is Jared going home now?” Luka asked as he enacted his usual routine of throwing soft toys to the floor and scrambling in a circle until he slid beneath the covers.
“He will
