Luka wriggled under the cover. “Yep.”
“Goodnight.” Nate backed out of the room, flicking the light switch as he went and pulling Luka’s door closed, leaving a crack for the light from the hallway to filter in. He stared back at the kitchen door. “Jared?” he said.
“In here,” Jared said from the living room.
Nate found Jared, a glass of wine in his hand, standing on the far side in front of the large bookcase that filled half of the wall. He was leaning forward, eying the collection of photo frames. The lower two shelves used to house rows of well-thumbed books, their spines creased, corners tattered from numerous reads. Most had belonged to Rhea, a collection of light romance novels, easy reads she was happy to lose herself in again and again. It had been a week since he’d taken them off there, putting them in a box and sliding them into the bottom of his closet. He wasn’t ready to get rid of them entirely, they were part of the tapestry that had been her. Luka might want them one day.
Why did I put them away? Why now?
He had refilled the shelves with framed photographs and various memories they had collected over the years as a family, and the ones of him and Luka since she’d been gone. One day there would be more photos of him and Luka alone than had ever been taken of them together when Rhea was alive.
He wasn’t cutting her out of his life—he doubted that was ever possible, not when she was still in Luka’s dark eyes, and still had a place in Nate’s heart. But just for a moment, it was as if the veil of grief had lifted a tiny bit more and he was allowing sunshine in.
Jared and his smile. Maybe?
“She really was beautiful,” Jared stated as Nate drew close. “You look happy together.”
Nate stood beside him and gazed at the photographs. “We were.”
“How long since…” He picked up one of the frames. In it was a picture from Nate and Rhea’s wedding day.
“Four years.”
“How did she… Sorry I shouldn’t ask.”
“It’s okay. It was stupid bad luck mainly.” He took the photo from Jared and smoothed a thumb over the picture. They’d been so happy on that day, full of excitement for the future, and in a second it had gone. “It was an aneurysm. One minute she was here and the next…” He passed the photo back to Jared who placed it carefully back on the shelf.
He had wanted to be able to make the most of his life in her memory. Do the things she couldn’t, see things and places she would now never go. But he was finding it so hard—impossibly hard. He knew it was his fault, too consumed by the bar to give himself time to process, too worried about forgetting her to begin to look to the future, and too hung up on the past. Guilt flooded him whenever he thought about doing anything they’d spoken about when for her they were now impossible. He had to put everything he had into seeing their boy grew up happy and healthy.
But am I going about it the right way?
He spent as much time as he could with Luka while still working at the bar. He wanted to provide, to save up so Luka could go to college, just like Jared, so he could do anything he put his mind to.
“You’re doing a good job, you know?” Jared said.
“Sorry?”
“With Luka.”
“Sure,” Nate said dismissively. Did Jared have superpowers after all?
Can he see inside my head?
“I mean it. Because you’re wearing a rather incredible frown right now and I get the impression that’s your ‘Luka’ face.” Jared smiled.
Nate folded his arms across his chest. Jared wasn’t wrong but still… “That’s kind of creepy.”
Jared snorted a laugh. “My bad. But I’m right, aren’t I?”
Nate nodded. “I can’t help worrying about him, and the bar, and the future, and the past. The woes of being a single working father I guess.” He pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes as he studied the picture of Luka from a couple of years ago. “Am I really doing okay? Is Luka okay?”
“He’s loved, looked after, and in the short amount of time I’ve known him, and you, I’d say he’s a lucky kid, and a happy one.”
Nate side-eyed Jared. “Everything looks better with a glass of wine in your hand.”
“You need to stop and just take the compliment. I am a psychology student, remember. I know this stuff.”
Nate worried his lower lip between his teeth. He wasn’t going to win against Jared. He was sure of that. “Fine,” he said. “And thank you.” He met Jared’s eyes. They were a soft hazel-green even in the soft glow of the ceiling lights. “I mean it.”
Jared drained his glass and turned, leaning behind him to slip it onto the edge of the coffee table. When he stood back up, he had closed the gap between them. “You’re welcome,” he said. His gaze lingered on Nate’s.
The moment they shared was heavy and Nate wished Jared would look away.
“You never answered my question before,” Jared stated. A brightness danced in his eyes.
“Which question?” Nate asked, but he already knew what Jared meant.
Why did I ask? I don’t want him to ask. If Jared repeated his question, then Nate would have to answer. There was no Luka to aid in his escape this time.
“Are you happy I came tonight?”
Ah, he said it.
Nate wanted to step back, but Jared kept drawing him in.
I should be honest.
“Yes,” he said. “But…”
“But what?” Jared moved closer, tilting his head as he seemed determined to keep his eyes firmly locked with Nate’s.
“I don’t know.” Nate wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Yes, he was happy and yes, it was scary, but he didn’t mind. In truth, being with Jared
