CHAPTER 21
A
ll at once my throat constricts; it feels as though thereis no air circulating and I simply cannot breathe. I grasp at my chest area asthough this very action will breathe life back into my lungs but with nothingleft in me, I slump to my knees.
The cause of my temporary paralysis –Caroline. She stands there as she did all those years ago, leaning against thelighthouse for support. I try to call to her, but nothing comes out. Janey isby my side and with her help I manage to stand erect once more, but I am oddlyunaware of anyone’s presence apart from Caroline’s. It feels as though everyoneelse has melted away into the background and the only two people left on earthare her and I. The scene has a dream-like quality to it and I feel detachedfrom my body as if sensing everything around me is unreal. Then she calls outto me.
Now my feet no longer feel like lead,quite the opposite in fact. Life is pulsing in my heart and lungs once more andI have a spring in my step as I respond to her call. She needs me. My littlesister needs me again and, as I did all those years ago, I rush to be by herside. It doesn’t seem to register with me that this is futile, that Caroline isdead. She has appeared before me and I have an overpowering urge to go to herand to protect her as I had failed to do so before in such spectacular fashion.
“Caroline!” I yell, stumbling as I go,oblivious to the terrain underfoot, my only focus being to get to her. “Is itreally you?”
“Of course it is! Who else would it be?”In no time I am by her side and I hold her in a tight embrace. I am vaguelyaware of a faint voice in my deep subconscious telling me that this is notreal, it can’t be real, but I smother that voice, not wanting anything todestroy this moment of happiness. Tears of joy and elation roll freely down mycheeks. I wipe them away and take a good look at my beautiful sister. She meetsmy stare and melts my heart with her kind words. “I have missed you so much,Thomas, I have missed you all. Please, don’t leave me again.”
“Never, Caroline, you have my word, I willnever let anything bad happen to you ever again.”
“Oh Thomas!” This time it is Caroline whogoes to hug me, and I am only too willing to be held. Space and time havedissolved and all that remains are Caroline and I in our own little privateuniverse. I have my old Caroline back, not the Caroline with a stricken facefull of fear before she was so savagely pushed over the cliff edge. Standingbefore me is the happy-go-lucky, carefree Caroline.
A firm hand presses down onto my shoulder.That alone was not enough to rouse me, but it was shortly accompanied bysomeone repeating my name over and over and it was becoming louder and louder.More than slightly perturbed, I turn in search of its source. I find Georgehovering just inches away from me.
“What is it?” I say very abruptly.
“I need to speak to you, Thomas.”
“Not right now, can’t you see I’m busy?”
“It’s about that.”
“What do you mean ‘it’s about that?’ ForGod sake, man, give me some space. Can’t you see what is happening here?Caroline is back, so forgive me for not jumping at your beck and call!”
George is having none of it. He grabs mequite forcefully this time, ensuring that there is nowhere for me to escape to.“Thomas, please listen to me. There is no Caroline and there is no Juliet.They are figments of your imagination; characters created by your subconsciousmind!!”
I freeze on the spot, his words echoingthrough me: ‘There is no Caroline and there is no Juliet.’ What is he talkingabout? How can this be? What is he trying to say? For reassurance I gaze aheadagain and there are my beautiful sisters, as plain as day. Janey will back meup. I plead to her; “Janey, please tell him he’s making this up! They are real.Please!” She walks towards me and holds me.
When she lets go her words shatter me.“Thomas, he is not lying to you. Caroline and Juliet are not real. They do notexist. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
I lose all ability to stand erect andcrumple into a heap on the concrete path. “No, NO! NO!” I yell to no-one inparticular. This is so far beyond my field of comprehension. It is completelyunbearable. These two people whom I trust implicitly are telling me I ammentally unstable and have crafted siblings who do not exist? I cannot take itin, it is inconceivable. They are telling me that, what, my whole life has beenbuilt on fantasy? Impossible!
Unwilling to face reality, I decide toignore him and turn once more to face Caroline. But just as I start tore-engage with her, Janey interjects, obviously aware I am choosing to ignoreGeorge’s words. “Please Thomas, you have to listen to him! She is not real. Sheis not here, Thomas! Neither Caroline nor Juliet are real.”
Try as I might, I am unable to simplyignore Janey. “Can’t you see her? Or hear her? I have just had a fullconversation with her!! She is stood with us, leaning onto the side of thelighthouse! Please tell me you can see her?” But sadly, I am met with silence.
“Janey, we had a chat only this morningabout Caroline. I told you father had killed her and you were full of sympathy.What was all that about if you don’t even believe that she is real?”
“The truth is, Thomas, I have only justdiscovered that they don’t exist myself. Throughout the years,
