“You were clinically evaluated byspecialists before you left the hospital all those years ago and it was theirprofessional opinion and findings that you were suffering from Psychosis. Theydeduced the psychosis manifested itself as a result of the trauma you enduredat the hands of your father as a young boy. It is my belief that you have hadpsychotic episodes throughout your life, likely starting well before theincident with your father at Neist Point.”
His words start to sink in, but nothingmakes sense. “George, I don’t understand! Psychosis? Psychotic episodes? Areyou saying I am a psychopath, George?”
“Not at all, Thomas! The two should not beconfused. A psychopath is someone who is unable to feel for others and may actin reckless and antisocial ways. Psychosis, however, is when you lose somecontact with reality. It can involve seeing or hearing things which otherpeople cannot see or hear, hallucinations if you like. This can result inseeing people who aren’t actually there or even feeling you’ve been touched bysomeone who isn’t there. I fully appreciate this is a lot to take in but, if ithelps, I still have a copy of the psychiatric report at home. You are welcometo have a look later.”
“You’ve got that right at least. It is alot to take in and pardon me if I am not fully on board with it! I mean comeon; I am not mentally unstable! If I were, I would be the first to knock on myG.P.’s door.”
“That’s just it, Thomas, someone withPsychosis may not be able to recognise their symptoms and therefore it’s quitefeasible that you wouldn’t seek medical help if you believed there was nothingwrong with you.”
“It makes no sense, George. Growing up, Iremember all the times I shared with my siblings and all the antics we used toget up to when father wasn’t around. There were loads of high jinks. I recallJames fashioning a saddle out of an old tractor seat then fixing it onto ourtup Bruno then taking off at high speed up the hill. Then there were all thejobs they used to help me with around the croft. How could I have imagined allthat? Please tell me – how? I have literally years of memories!
“And then there’s Caroline. I cannotexplain it, why she is here with me now because you are correct, father killedher! He planted his hands on her shoulders and shook her. Then he struck her,and she was sent flying off the cliff edge. How could I have made that up? Isaw it all plain as day!”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Thomas,other than I am afraid it wasn’t real. And that wasn’t ‘James’ riding that tup,it was you. You expertly created a fictional world, with you as the centralcharacter. It helped you cope with the day-to-day living under such traumaticcircumstances. And, as for the scene at the cliff edge – it was you he shook soviolently; it was you he struck, Thomas!”
Thoroughly fed up and exasperated with the way thisconversation was going, I move to get up from the bench and head back to mysisters. George stops me in my tracks. “Where are you going?”
“Where do you think I’m going? Back to mysisters, Caroline and Juliet. This conversation is now over.”
However, a feeling of blind rage starts toset in, and I turn around to address them both. “If what you are telling me istrue, why have you waited until now to tell me? Juliet joined us in the car,George, when we were en route to Skye. If she doesn’t exist, why didn’t youtell me then?”
“I have to apologise for that, Thomas, butI had to see how it was going to play out. Juliet appeared to you I believebecause you were already feeling anxious after being involved in a car accidentand then I am guessing subconscious old trauma started to re-surface as wedrove closer to Skye, hence Juliet was manifested.
“I had to bring you here to Neist Point tosee if it brought any pent-up emotions back for you. I confess I was hoping youwould see Caroline today then I would potentially be able to reason with yourrational mind. If you believed she had been killed years ago, then how couldshe possibly appear before you today? But, the truth of the matter, Thomas, isthat she never existed in the first place.”
I have nothing. I have no response togive. I am utterly speechless and spent. The magnitude of what he has told meweighs heavy on my heart. As far back as my memory goes Caroline and Juliethave been in my life and he is telling me that what, my sisters whom I lovedearly are not even real? They are a manifestation of a supposed mentalillness? What did he say I had? Psychosis? And that I had suffered Psychoticepisodes? Then it hits me, what about James! “James?” I simply utter and heanswers with a simple shake of his head. I slump forwards, broken. It feels asthough my heart has been shattered into a thousand tiny little pieces and myhead is pounding terribly, unable to process this devastating news.
However, devastation soon turns to denialas I gaze forwards and see my sisters once again, still standing before me.“George it can’t be true! It simply can’t! I feel absolutely sane, and I canstill see them! Even after what you have told me, they are still stood there.It makes no sense!”
“Thomas please, try to calm down. This isgoing to take a long time to process, and it is completely understandable thatyou can still see them. You have lived with this altered state of reality formost of your life. As I said, the Psychiatrist who evaluated you believed thatyour mental illness was brought about by severe trauma experienced during yourearly childhood. In some cases (and I know it was recommended in your case,Thomas), medication has to be taken for a lifetime and,
