I need this time. I need this silence togather my thoughts. This has well and truly blown my mind. If I were to ask mycompanions how many people were in the car just now, I know the answer theywould give but it doesn’t match mine for I am only too well aware of thepresence of Caroline and Juliet in the backseats. I do my best to block thisout for now and focus on the conversation with George instead.
Nothing adds up. If I have been mentallyill and experienced ‘psychotic episodes’ then how was I able to excel atuniversity, rise up through the ranks in my profession, and have a stablefamily life all the while being completely unaware I was ill? Surely the crackswould have been evident to myself and everyone else around me? How have I beenable to live with this unknowingly for over twenty years?
However, the pills do concern me. Theygive me pause for thought and make me question what I believe to be true versusGeorge’s rendition of the truth. I can recall the conversation with my fosterparents all those years ago. The grave looks on their faces. They made me vowto take my medication daily. They said it was vitally important to help with myrecovery and to stop any anxiety setting in. I was only too willing to oblige,fearful of the repercussions of opening the floodgates to the well of emotionsbubbling away under the surface. Then it just became habitual. I neverquestioned it. I simply kept taking the medication year on year on year. Ireasoned that it kept all the panic and anxiety under wraps, helping me lead anormal life. But what if what it was actually doing was keeping psychoticepisodes at bay? I need to see that psychiatric report. I don’t want to see it,but I need to see it.
I break the silence as we pull up toGeorge’s house and I can almost feel the collective sigh of relief in the car.
“Let me see the report, George.”
He brings the car to a complete stop andaddresses me, “Of course.” When we enter, he motions me to follow him throughto his study. I take a seat as he fumbles through his filing cabinet. In notime he produces a bulky folder which I assume are my case notes. He leafsthrough it then locates what he is looking for and hands it over to me.“Everything you need to know is in here. I will give you some peace to lookthrough it.”
I sit with the report on my lap for sometime as I summon the courage to open it. It feels like a heavy weight crushingmy thighs and burning its way through the denim of my jeans, penetrating theflesh underneath. The words I feel sure I am about to read permanently brandingmy skin with ‘psychosis’ and ‘psychotic episodes.’
My sisters are nowhere to be seen.Instead, joining me now in the room is James. It doesn’t occur to me to evenquestion how he came to be here. It just feels as natural as the air I breatheseeing him stood there.
“You know you don’t have to open that fileif you don’t want to. They are all saying you are crazy but what if theopposite is true? What do you really know about this George character? Do younot believe in me? Do you not trust in Caroline, Juliet, and I?! We have been apart of your life for a lot longer than he has. We were here long before whathappened at Neist Point!”
“Of course I do. Atthe same time, I simply have to read this report.”
I turn my attentiondownwards to the neatly typed report. Its heading – ‘Psychiatric Evaluation:Master Thomas James Taylor of Fair Isle Croft, Dunvegan, Isle of Skye.’ At thefoot of the front page – ‘Compiled by Edward F. Morton (M.D.); RowantreeClinic, Glasgow.’
I quickly scan my way through the documentwhich is fairly extensive. At first glance, there appears to be contributionsfrom a psychologist, social worker, occupational therapist, some of the nursingstaff from my time in hospital, and several extracts from George detailing ourchats during my hospital stay and beyond. However, most of the analysis is fromthis Edward Morton chap.
I am relieved to find he has provided asummary of his findings at the end of the report, negating the need to read itin its entirety.
“It is my professionalopinion, having liaised with many other specialists on the matter and havingspent quite some time with Thomas himself, that he is suffering with Psychosis.He is an articulate, intelligent young man but is hallucinating and delusionalon a regular basis. He believes he has siblings called Caroline, Juliet, andJames. He regularly converses and interacts with these characters,wholeheartedly believing them to be real.
Thomas has had a verytraumatic childhood. He had a very difficult relationship with his father (whois currently being investigated by the Police and the Local Authority). Toensure Thomas’ safety he is being placed in foster care whilst investigationsare on-going into whether Thomas’ father (Robert Taylor) was in any wayresponsible for the injuries which Thomas sustained leading to a lengthyhospital stay commencing on 12/02/1998. It is my belief that the trauma he hasendured from a very young age and throughout adolescence has caused thePsychosis to manifest.
Whilst in hospital, heexperienced a number of psychotic episodes. Hospital staff struggled to dealwith the mental health crisis Thomas was enduring and they sought the help ofMr George Traynor, a counsellor specialising in helping children and teenagerswith mental health problems. Thomas responded well and has continued to workwith Mr Traynor but that alone is not enough to
