He softens, his eyes filling with so much disappointment, it makes me feel awful about being mad. Awful about ripping his enthusiasm to shreds. Awful about feeling like this is such a total and complete betrayal.
But it is.
“Em…,” he starts to say, but I shake my head, cutting him off.
“Forget it, Dad. Let’s just… let’s just go,” I say, pushing past him and walking down the narrow steps, across the faded white carpet, past the SOLD sign.
We don’t speak the entire ride home, or for the rest of the day. My words opened a box that we usually keep tightly closed.
As I’m drifting off to sleep that night, I hear his footsteps coming down the hallway, the door to my room creaking open.
“I love you, Em,” he whispers into the dark.
I want to say it back, but if I talk, I don’t know what else will come out. How could he be so fine with any of this? Fine with just packing everything up and moving on and forgetting her. Fine with moving into a place she hated.
I know the bills. The debt. I know it’s the only choice we have, but why is he so happy about it?
I squeeze my eyes shut as the tears begin to fall, my fingers finding the leather bracelet around my wrist, sitting just below the tattoo I was so excited about only a few hours ago.
She felt so close then. But now? Now I cry myself to sleep in the house that is no longer my home.
22
Kiera’s home.
I fly across town, putting the past two days with my dad behind me with every stroke of my pedal, the thought of seeing my best friend after what has felt like an eternity able to push everything else away. Even some of the frustration and anger I felt when I found out she wasn’t coming back until the day before the lake trip ebbs.
For the first time in a while I just… need to talk to someone who understands. Who knows my mom. Who knows what those town houses mean. Who has experienced these past three years.
I swerve into the center of Huckabee, past Hank’s, past the library and Nina’s, to where the historic houses sit, red brick and white siding, tiny plaques nailed beside each door declaring they are old enough to have had George Washington breathe on them.
I see her from down the block, sitting on the front steps, her hair pulled back, an oversize heather-gray Misty Oasis T-shirt on.
“Kiera!” I scream as she jumps up, waving frantically.
I skid to a stop in the driveway, hopping off the bike as she launches herself at me, scrapes on both her knees, chipped red nail polish despite all the bottles I sent her. “Oh my gosh, dude! I missed you!”
“I missed you!” I say as we giggle our way inside. Nina peeks out of the kitchen, used to me stealing Kiera away as soon as she gets back, a small smile on her face.
“What’ve you two got planned to bake this year?” she asks.
“Carrot cake!” I call back as we kick off our shoes and start up the creaky wooden steps to Kiera’s bedroom.
We push open the door, dodging around the huge, dented suitcase sitting on the patterned carpet, and launch ourselves onto her bed.
“Welcome back to the twenty-first century,” I say with a laugh.
Kiera giggles, nodding. “I missed cell phones. And warm showers. And Netflix.”
“So, how was camp? How was Todd’s house?”
Kiera rolls over on her side, grinning at me. “Camp was… probably the best year yet? None of the campers was seriously injured, which was a bit of a miracle. Not a single squirrel incident.” She smirks, the both of us remembering a pack of squirrels that had completely trashed a bunk two summers ago. The story had gone viral after a local news company tweeted a picture of one squirrel stuck in a pair of polka-dot underwear. “My entire group got along. We went on, like, a million cool hikes, which you know is my favorite part. And, hanging out at Todd’s house was so amazing, Em. He’s amazing.”
I roll over to see a dreamy look plastered on her face.
“It was just like camp, but with Wi-Fi, and pizza, and a roof that doesn’t leak. Good people, fun times, no drama, you know?”
No drama. I feel a small jab at that.
“Plus, he only lives forty-five minutes away, so it shouldn’t be too hard to see each other this year. I think the group will really like him. And, we both want to go to Colorado State next year, so it’ll definitely be easier then.”
Wait, what?
“Colorado State?” I ask, surprised, reaching up to push my hair behind my ear. “I didn’t know you wanted to go there.”
Since when? It’s so far away, it makes my chest hurt already.
“Yeah, there’s a ton of hiking around there, and—” She freezes, her eyes locked on my arm. “Holy shit. Is that a tattoo?”
“Yeah, I… got it a few days ago. With Blake,” I say as she sits bolt upright, reaching out to grab my arm.
“You got a tattoo with Blake?”
“Well, not with Blake. I mean, she was there, but she didn’t…” I can see the glint of jealousy in her eyes, so I continue quickly.
“Anyway, I did it because of this.” I pull my arm out of her grasp, reaching into my pocket to pull out the folded list. I hand it to her and she carefully unfolds it, her eyes widening when she sees what it is. “I found it in a box of my mom’s high school stuff. I’ve been trying to get it done before the end of the Huckabee Lake trip.”
I reach out, pointing at all the different colored check marks, the new red ones from my trip to the beach, and sleeping under the stars, and getting a tattoo.
“This is so cool,” she whispers, her eyes getting a little teary, and I know she gets it. “You’ve been
