“Oh my God, Em. You didn’t say she looked like that,” Kiera hisses at me while we squeeze inside.
I glance behind me to see Blake stooping to stuff her bag into the under-bus compartment. “Blake? I mean, I guess.…”
We slide into two seats halfway down the bus, Kiera beating me out for the window despite an elbow I throw to try to squeeze past her. “You guess,” Kiera says after she plops down, eyeing the front of the bus as Blake steps on, trailed by Jake. I watch as Blake laughs at something Jake says, but I’m distracted when a head appears behind them.… Matt. “You better hope Matt isn’t as googly-eyed as Jake. I mean, Jesus, Jake. Get a grip.”
And of course the second I start thinking about Blake again, Matt looks up, his eyes meeting mine and widening in surprise. The last place I would’ve been at the end of school last year was on a bus about to go on the Huckabee Lake trip.
But I’m different now. I need to show him I’m different now, so we can be different this time.
In my peripherals, I see Blake glance back to see what I’m looking at, and her smile fades ever so slightly.
“Emily?” Jake’s voice rings out, perfectly encapsulating Matt’s incredulousness. I see his head pop past Blake, then Olivia’s and Ryan’s faces appear just behind him. “Didn’t think I’d see you on the lake trip.”
I’m about to say something when Kiera jumps in, coming to my rescue as always. “Honestly surprised you see anyone, Jake, with your head so far up Blake’s ass.”
Jake snorts, but his cheeks redden slightly as he moves past us toward the back of the bus. Bantering with Jake is one of Kiera’s favorite pastimes.
Blake slides into the seat across the aisle from me while I reach out to lightly grab Matt’s arm. He turns back to look at me, his dark eyebrows rising.
“Can we talk later?” I ask, keeping my voice low.
“Uh,” he says, hesitating. I hold my breath, but I can tell from his face that something is different. “Yeah.” He nods. “Okay.”
Relief floods through me, and I let go of his arm. He gives me a small smile before heading to the back of the bus, Jake following just behind him. Olivia, though, turns to shoot me a narrow-eyed glare around Ryan as she passes by.
“He’s definitely not over you,” Kiera whispers. I turn back to face her, and she gives me a little shake of her head. “You’ll be back together by the end of this trip, for sure.”
I nod, wrapping my cardigan tightly around me as Mr. Sanders hops on to make general announcements about not being giant assholes for the duration of the ride. The entire bus of students collectively zones out.
I don’t look over, but I can feel Blake next to me, like she was that night in the truck. Just the thought of her sitting across the aisle makes my face hot. I stare at the weirdly carpeted back of the seat in front of me, trying to ignore the pounding in my chest as the bus chugs to life and we pull out of the parking lot.
I don’t even know how I can pretend to be just her friend, but I need to.
I need to pull myself away.
When we hit the highway, she leans across the aisle. “You find a four-leaf clover yet?” she asks.
I shake my head, still staring straight ahead. “No, but I need to by the end of this weekend. Right, Kiera…?”
My voice trails off as I look over to see she’s already fast asleep, her face smooshed up against the glass of the window, her mouth agape. Mr. Sanders’s words were apparently stronger than any sleeping pill known to man.
I snap a quick picture, and Blake smirks as I post it to my Instagram story. Kiera will roast me over it later, but it’s worth it.
I glance past her out the window, watching as the trees fly by, my hazy reflection staring back at me. I can see the outline of Blake’s arms and legs, and her hand reaching out to lightly touch me on the arm.
I turn my head, and she holds an earbud out to me, giving me a small smile that makes me melt just the tiniest bit. I take it, slipping it into my ear, and she scrolls to the top of a Spotify playlist, turning it to face me.
Beach ride.
It’s a whole playlist of songs, pulled from our trip to the beach.
Oh, Blake.
I tap on the first song, and it begins to play “Coffee” by Sylvan Esso.
I try to focus on Matt in the back of the bus, on figuring out what I’m going to say to him, on showing him how much I’ve changed, the promise of everything being normal and easy and right, but Blake holds my gaze, and the song sings, “Do you love me?” and I…
I don’t know what to feel.
All I can do is shove whatever this is deep down and pull my eyes away.
24
Henry Huckabee Lodge looks like it was made out of Lincoln Logs.
Everything is made out of wood. From the steps to the walls to the ceilings, this place is the definition of a fire hazard.
Because we were late additions to the trip, Blake and I are sharing a room, while Kiera is bunking with Olivia, which… should be interesting.
With the current rift in our friend group, and their opposing sides, I would hate to be a fly on the wall in that room.
I glance down the hall while Blake is opening our door to see Kiera looking back at me, the look on her face saying, Fix this. Now.
“That’s not creepy at all,” Blake mutters as the door swings wide, both of us stopping short as we come face-to-face with an enormous deer head nailed to the wall.
“Can’t wait to try to sleep
