“Maggie,” Dunmore rasped in protest.
She shook her head, silently pleading with him to remain quiet. At his nod of acquiescence, she took another deep breath and continued. “I decided it would be better for him to beat me and to abuse me that way than … the other. So I taunted him and provoked him every chance I got. The first night was the worst. I didn’t have many bruises yet, and it took a long time for me to faint from the pain.”
At his deep inhalation, she focused on him and the agony in his gaze. She cupped his jaw and attempted a smile, although it emerged more like a grimace. “Riding the next day was torture. I never knew I could hurt so much. But I knew I’d readily accept his abuse again, if it kept him from touching me. For the next three nights, he seemed content to beat me. Said I had earned such treatment because I had dared to break my word the last time we were together. That I owed him.” She shuddered. “I think he believed he was beating me into submission.”
She paused for a long moment, still shivering. “I was sore and weak and tired by the time we reached a river. He barely gave me any food, and I had to sneak water from creeks and streams, when I was able to. I believe the river was the Marias.”
Maggie paused, her gaze distant, as she relived scenes she’d rather forget. “I never had a chance to goad him there. He grabbed me by the hair, told me that he knew what I’d been doing the previous nights, but that now, now he would do what he wanted with me.”
She stared at Dunmore, fear in her gaze. “I’d seen that look before. Lascivious. Leering. And I knew I was in trouble. He tore off my dress and took great pleasure in cutting the ties to my corset. Said he wanted everyone who saw me to know that I was his and that I was a great prize.”
She shivered again and gladly fell forward into Dunmore’s arms. “Before I knew it, he had tossed me to the ground, and he was on top of me. How are men so strong?” she asked in a dumbfounded voice. “No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop him.” She paused, taking a deep breath, her torrent of words pausing, as she felt Dunmore shaking as he held her. “Shh, Philip, I’m all right.”
“Go on, love,” he whispered, as he kissed her head. “Finish it.”
She held him close, her eyes squeezed shut, as she buried her face against his chest. “He pawed at me. At my clothes. I knew what would happen when he rucked up my skirt, and I flailed around, my hands looking for anything to aid me. I found a rock and bashed him over the head. Again and again, until he was a dead weight.”
Dunmore pushed her away, his eyes tear bright and lit with an unholy fury. “Did he … Did he hurt you?”
“Not like that,” she whispered. “But I’m so ashamed. He touched me. Everywhere. He kissed me …” She shuddered with revulsion. “I feel so dirty.”
He frowned and leaned even closer, so that their foreheads were touching. “Oh, my darling. You saved yourself, and I’m so proud of you.” He took a deep breath and swallowed. “I want you to know that if he had … violated you, I would have loved you no less than I do. It’s not possible for me to love you any less than I do.”
She nodded, her eyes overflowing with tears. “I knew I only had a few moments reprieve, so I jumped into the raging river, not caring if I drowned. The last thing I heard was him screaming my name.”
“Jesus,” Dunmore gasped, as he pulled her close again. “You are the bravest woman I’ve ever met. How can you doubt yourself?”
She burrowed into his embrace. “I fear I’ll never be at peace, until I know he’s dead. What kind of a person does that make me?”
He attempted a chuckle, although it emerged more like a growl, as he held her closer. “A very sensible one.” He kissed her head. “Don’t hurt me like that again, Maggie. Don’t try to manipulate me into doing something out of fear or hurt. Please.” He looked at her, his gaze shining with sincerity. “Talk with me. Trust me enough to share your fears. Please.”
She nodded. “I promise. I hate, … I hate feeling unworthy of you.”
Dunmore stood stock-still for a moment and then shook his head incredulously. “Unworthy of me?” He gripped her head, so she couldn’t shy away from meeting his ardent gaze. “You are the worthiest of women, Maggie. You are precious beyond words, and I cherish you.” His gaze glowed with regret. “I wish I’d been able to protect you. I wish I’d not been injured and that you hadn’t been running an errand for me.” He swallowed. “If anyone should feel unworthy, it’s me.”
She shook her head, and then a small smile burst forth. “Listen to us. Arguing over something so trivial.”
He made a small sound, indicating his disagreement. “It’s never trivial if it hurts you or if it causes you to doubt.”
Leaning forward, she pressed her cheek against Dunmore’s chest. After a deep breath, she whispered a deeply held fear. “I worry I’ll not satisfy you. That you’ll wish for another, as I lay there, terrified of what you want from me.”
His soft caresses faltered for a moment at her breathy admission, before they continued to rove over her back, soothing her as readily as they soothed
