"Don't ruin my buzz," Nancy told her with just the slightest head wobble. "You are the designated driver, not our mother."
Portia stared at her emotionlessly. After a pause that had all of us waiting, our android finally replied. "I am having some difficulty comprehending much of what you say. Obviously, I cannot be your mother. As far as being designated as a driver..."
"Don't worry about it," I told her. "We're going up to the bar level for more drinks. I want you to keep an eye on us, but not interfere unless we are in serious danger. I'm also going to buy you a drink."
"I cannot consume your beverages," she stated the obvious fact.
"I just want you to have it in your hand. Try to act like a human so you don't draw unwanted attention to yourself."
"I’ll attempt to mimic the relaxed behavior of Lin more so than Nancy, if you don’t mind. Will it not be noticeable that my drink remains full?"
"I'll swap glasses with you periodically," I informed her, already thinking ahead. I could hear Nancy mumbling offense to Portia’s response. "This will be a learning experience for you, Portia. Try to simulate human behavior without going overboard."
"Yeah," Nancy said after another swig of the liquor, straight out of the bottle. "Stop acting like a stuck-up bitch."
Chapter Eight
The saloon level was alive with activity when we finally arrived. It took us a while to navigate the rope ladder contraption that had been provided solely for outsiders in our inebriated state. Once we did our group was welcomed by two sexy little Peggies in skirts that were bouncing to the beat of the music. Their sizable titties were juggling around in their double slingshot tops, threatening to pop out at any minute. I couldn't take my eyes off of them. I was sure anyone watching would think me an idiot by my goofy smile.
Seeing my dilemma, one of the Peggies jumped up unexpectedly to straddle my waist. She shook those big boobies in my face as others around us laughed. I fought off the urge to motorboat them, unsure of how that would go over. Getting alien fur in my mouth was another concern.
After a quick wet furry kiss on the cheek, she jumped down and grabbed the waistband of my pants. I instantly reacted to keep her from dropping my drawers right in front of everybody. What kind of a bar is this? I asked myself. Did we mistakenly go to the wrong level? Instead of freeing willy, she tugged on my clothes to guide us to an open table.
"That was interesting," Lin said after the girl left us, promising to return with a partner to take our orders. We carefully got seated in the flimsy wooden chairs and looked around. Not everyone was receiving the special treatment that we were, but there were some tables where the servers were doing even more. One was dancing while sitting on a guy’s shoulders. Another was doing a handstand in the middle of a table while juggling three wooden cups with her feet. We had stumbled across a primate version of a Coyote Ugly bar.
Unlike the restaurant, there was no menu on the tabletop. I didn't see anyone else eating food, so that kind of made since. The only items on the tables were squat wooden bottles. Looking up, I saw at least a thousand just like them attached to the ceiling of the place. A series of vines made it easy for monkey-like waitresses to retrieve them.
We watched in amazement as Peggies jumped and scurried in every direction, serving their patrons. All were dressed in the same skimpy blue attire as the girl that warmly greeted me a minute before. Slinging themselves around above our heads it quickly became clear that they weren't wearing any underwear. I found myself staring more intently as they passed to get a peek at what a Pegillas woman's pussy might look like. They were hard to see, mostly due to the quick movement. Then I spotted one with something flopping around under the skirt.
"Oh shit," I muttered. "Was that a penis?"
"Yes," my Peggy girl replied as she approached the table with another girl just as cute though not quite as bold in her hospitality. "You like cock?" she asked, possibly with mild disappointment.
"No!" I exclaimed. "I have cock. I don't like cock!"
"You can have both," she told me. Then gesturing at a male Peggy swinging above, "Your cock and his cock."
"No, not his cock," the other girl corrected her partner. "A cock like his," she explained. "There is no cock for sale at this height. Go up for cock. I mean solid cock."
"No!" I became more forceful, looking around to see human males and females at other tables looking our way. "No cock! We don't want cock!" I didn’t see the need to specify solid ones. What the hell kind of penis wasn’t solid? Did she mean hard versus soft?
Lin and Nancy were laughing their asses off at me, nearly falling out of their flimsy chairs made from small branches. Portia was merely watching for an opportunity for her to intervene for my safety. If a hairy little penis dropped down on my head all of the sudden, would she take action? That would certainly be a weird bit of programming to make her do so, but if I was writing her code, it would absolutely be in there.
"Cunt, too!" the second girl told me. "Go up for cunt. You cannot touch our cunts, but we can rub them on you if we want. Tell us if you do not want cunt either."
"Hold up!" Nancy raised her voice. "It is okay with management for you to rub your pussies on us? Naked pussies?"
"Yes, okay," the first Peggy girl said excitedly. "Boom booms,
