He chuckled to himself. I stared wild-eyed, reaching up to wipe the sweat from my brow.
“Okay. So, the alarm system is still live, but if it does go off it shouldn’t disturb the horses. Try not to raise too much dust. It could be that. I’ll check the sensors next time. But I had better dash now. Good day!”
I stood watching as his van pulled away. Finally, being able to breathe normally.
What had scared me was how I had so nearly had to do something terrible to protect myself. The truly scary thing was, the thought of doing so had been quite exciting, I was almost disappointed that I didn’t have to strike down the stranger.
28
All Things Considered
I nursed my whisky. Watching the liquid swirl in the glass reflecting the light of the woodstove. It had been a stressful day and this was helping me unwind.
I’d had to do it.
I knew it was the only possible thing left for me to do. If I’d not done something the girl would have taken over, she would have ousted Hilary, I would have been out and I wasn’t ready to give up as easily as she had done.
Oh, the stupid woman. She’d just rolled over, freely allowing her successor to walk on in, usurping her without even realising what was happening. Oh, the bitter irony of giving Olivia tuition on what would become her horses. I just couldn’t watch it happen. I’d had to do it. I’d had no choice. No matter how extreme, she would thank me, eventually. Well, she would have done, if she had survived. Sadly, now that was no longer going to be possible, Hilary had pretty much sealed her own fate.
Hilary should have thanked me. I had been doing it all for her. But no… She was too stupid to see my good intentions for what they truly were. And then, she couldn’t leave things alone. Adam was in prison with enough evidence to put him away for decades, she didn’t need to start looking for reasons to doubt things. I knew as she sat watching the CCTV that she had recognised me. It was the way she had looked at me as I walked into the room, she had been on the phone, I’d had to stop her. It had been my only option, I was convinced of that.
I regretted nothing. The way the girl had begged and pleaded at the end. A smile tugged at my lips. She’d proved herself to be so weak, despite her bravado she had been so pathetic. Maybe if she had bothered to do some yard work in her life she would’ve had some muscles to fight back properly. No, she’d been weak in mind and body, in a way so much like Hilary. In the end, they all got exactly what they deserved.
How could Hilary have ignored what was happening to her and to me? I sighed. Replaying our conversations in my mind. I’d tried to tell her. I’d made it clear what was happening, but no. I was stupid, I was jealous. Worse, I was just her groom.
‘Just her groom!’… Bitch! I remember the pain when she had said that, the phrase cutting through me like a knife. I was staff, her servant and I should remember my place. Silent and compliant, like a good girl ready to tug at my forelock for her ladyship.
No. She wasn’t stupid, not that stupid at least. She was giving up. She must have known what was happening and decided it wasn’t worth fighting anymore, not for her. Of course, she didn’t even stop to think about me.
Why would she? Why would she care about ‘just’ her groom who’d worked tirelessly, seven days a week in all hours and all weathers? Nothing was too much for her, I’d worked without question and, in the end, what did I get? A paltry thank you, empty fucking words.
She would look right through me. Standing there, expecting her horses to be fed, groomed and warmed up for her and then just walk away. Leave me exhausted and filthy with her boots to polish and piles of tack to clean before I could rest, alone.
It had worn me away, the little things grinding at me like grit in an oyster shell, creating a pearl of pure hatred in my heart. ‘Yes, Hilary’, ‘no Hilary’, ‘three bags full you fucking bitch!’
Did she ever ask what I wanted or needed? I was just there, a part of the furniture. She would have been lost without me.
Maybe I should have framed her for the murder?
No, she should be there, to see it all being taken from her. Her horses, her stables, her home and finally her reputation. Then it was easy for me to take her freedom. I’d realised that night she’d worked it out, despite her stupidity and the bottles of wine she’d drunk she had seen me for who I was in those grainy pictures. I had almost wanted to congratulate her. ‘Well done! Clever girl, you worked it out all by yourself!’
I would like to say I took no pleasure in hitting her with the wine bottle, but I can’t. Making contact with her skull, the impact, the crack of glass against her thick head. Oh, it felt so pure. She had slumped there, mouth open, eyes flickering until she had finally fallen still. I stood for some time with my former employer lying at my feet a wash of almost orgasmic power flowing through my body.
For a moment I thought I had killed her outright, but she was still alive. More’s the
