“So, if you are sure, you will be okay all by yourself? I promise I will be back as soon as I possibly can.”
“Mandy, you know I have this big case on. I’m going to be away a lot of the time. But, I’m here for you always. Anytime you need me, just call.”
I hugged him before grabbing my holdall and, reluctantly, opening the front door stepping out onto the yard and getting into my car, ready for another long journey.
* * *
After an uneventful run up the motorway and through the beauty of the Lake District, I finally arrived at the yard. Jacqueline rushed towards my car.
“Oh, Amanda! Thank you for coming back. We’re all so worried about Kate.”
“Of course, we all are. Right, let me get settled in and then I’ll come and speak with you all. Let’s see how we can keep the yard going for Kate.”
I took the keys from Jacqueline and opened the farmhouse. I’d decided I’d settle in the spare bedroom, hoping Kate would come home soon. I dropped off my bag and went back onto the yard, gathering the staff in the tack room where I sat them down and told them I would be taking charge until Kate returned.
“And when will that be?” Caroline nervously chewed her fingernails.
I had to admit I didn’t know, so got back onto the solid territory of the horses and what needed to be done. On the way down I had decided that it would be best to keep the girls busy, thinking that, if they were busy and, at the end of the day exhausted, they would fret less about where their employer was or what was happening to Adam in prison.
I set out things to be done, I wanted Kate to come back to a yard that looked immaculate so we would clean and whitewash the stables, weed and trim the borders and make sure all the tack was clean and polished. I wasn’t going to let them do this alone and had put on a pair of old breeches and wellies so that I could muck in with them, together we would have a shared purpose that would keep us going while things were quiet and until Kate came back.
A quick look at the yard diary showed that the bad publicity had clearly affected some of the trade with a scattering of cancelled lessons and a couple of liveries having given notice, however, Jacqueline soon assured me that they had been some of the more difficult customers and they already had replacements on the waiting list. If nothing else, I was keen to ensure Kate had a business to return to.
* * *
Hours later, paint-splattered and worn out I stumbled into the kitchen of the farmhouse. We had all worked feverishly. Honest hard work keeping our minds off ‘what if’s’ and dwelling on worst-case scenarios about Kate or Adam. I slid my boots off, slumping into one of the dining room chairs. I was just about dozing off when the ringing of my phone brought me round.
“Mandy! How are you?”
“Dan… Oh, I am so glad to hear from you…” We talked, sharing the sort of small talk couples have as a natural shorthand while avoiding the obvious subject, the questions we couldn’t answer. It was clear I couldn’t stay here forever, but we had no clue as to where Kate was or if she was safe, so, I had to take each day as it came.
It was typical our conversation was somewhat stilted, Dan was working on a big case so couldn’t tell me anything about his work, and I knew better than to ask. I could tell he was stressed and regretted not being there to give him a hug and reassure him. I settled instead with making sure he had made himself something to eat and was looking after himself.
Of course, I couldn’t talk. I was so tired I hadn’t even checked if there was any food in Kate’s kitchen and didn’t feel like eating anyway. As I said good night to Dan I felt lonely for the first time. Suddenly, without hard work and purpose or the grooms around me, the dark countryside and quiet farmhouse felt exceptionally empty.
In the end, I had opted just to go to bed, realising if Dan had been there he would have told me off for not looking after myself. However, after the early start, long drive and manual labour I fell, almost instantly, into a dreamless sleep.
* * *
I woke confused, looking around the room it took me a few seconds to realise where I was and what I was doing there.
As I showered, I thought of my frustration. Kate had been last seen in Devon, yet here I was hundreds of miles away. I should be doing more to try and find her, but what could I do? And what if… I felt a chill in my body despite the warm water. What if something had happened to her or if she had done something drastic? What if the pressure had become too much for her? I tried to put the thought from my mind, but it kept niggling away at me, she had been through so much it could break anyone. What was the point at which we decided that she wouldn’t be coming back? And what would happen if and when we reach that point?
I’d spoken with her mother and father. They had been beside themselves, yet so grateful I had agreed to look after the stables until she returned. None of us wanted to think of the alternative. Maybe, just maybe, if nobody said it out loud it wouldn’t happen.
I rinsed the shampoo from my hair and switched off the shower, it was time to get down to the yard, help with feeding the horses and then
