He heard the unmistakable hurt in her voice. Regret washed through him, but he couldn’t make himself share the truth. Not just yet. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I’m trying, but I’m not there yet. Be patient, okay?”
She sighed heavily. “Since I’m in love with you, it seems I have no choice.”
Her easy claim of love startled him. He’d known her feelings for him were growing, but to have her admit that she actually loved him caught him off guard. Even more surprising was the fact that it didn’t terrify him. Rather, it made him want to admit that his feelings were growing deeper as well.
He took her hand in his, swallowed hard, then fumbled until he found the right words. “If it’s any consolation, I love you, too.” The admission had been easier than he’d expected, but he couldn’t help adding a quick disclaimer. “At least as much as I know how to love anyone. Can that be enough for you?”
A faint glimmer of a smile appeared on her lips. “For now,” she said, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “It is for now.”
Ryan must have looked at that slip of paper with Sean’s address on it a dozen times a day. Each time he picked up the phone to call his brother, then settled the receiver back into its cradle. For two solid weeks that paper taunted him, as did the worried frown puckering Maggie’s brow. He evaded all the questions Rory and Father Francis had about his dark mood, as well. He was driving them all away, and all because he was afraid to tell them the momentous news that he’d found one of his brothers.
At night, lying awake in bed next to a sleeping Maggie, he questioned why he was having such a difficult time with this. It didn’t take long for him to figure out the answer. He was desperately afraid of how seeing Sean again might change things.
What if his brother hated him for standing by and watching him walk away with strangers that day and doing nothing? For all Ryan knew, Sean could have found their parents and discovered that Ryan’s worst fear was accurate, that he had somehow driven them away. He knew it was a boy’s fear, not that of a rational grown-up, but he couldn’t seem to turn his back on it just the same. He’d lived with that guilt burning inside him for too many years.
Greater than the fear of all that, though, was this mounting panic that if he didn’t do something, Maggie would eventually slip away. Despite her promise to give him all the time he needed, it was already happening. She was growing more reserved as he insisted on keeping his secret. The openness he prized in her was giving way to brooding silences. He couldn’t let that go on or he would lose her forever. He sighed heavily.
“Ryan?” she murmured, rolling toward him. “Are you awake?”
He nodded, then realized she probably had her eyes closed. “Yes. Go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
Instead, she propped herself on her elbow and studied him sleepily. “What’s wrong?”
“I have a lot on my mind.”
“Please tell me.”
He hesitated, then drew in a deep breath. This was the moment he’d been waiting for, here in the dark, where she couldn’t read his expression so readily.
When he didn’t speak right away, she said, “Is it so hard to talk to me? There’s nothing you can’t say now. I want to be here for you, but I can’t be if you won’t let me in.”
She was right and he knew it. “Okay, here it is. I’ve had Jack looking for my family,” he said quietly.
“Really?” Maggie remarked, her voice surprisingly neutral, as if she didn’t want to risk getting excited. “And?”
Relieved by her calm, accepting reaction, he went on. “He’s found one of my brothers.”
“Oh, my God,” she murmured. “Which one?”
“Sean. He’s two years younger than I am.”
He felt her tears fall on his bare chest. “Oh, Ryan, that’s wonderful! How long have you known?”
“A couple of weeks now.”
“And you haven’t said a word? Why not?”
“I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t,” he admitted candidly.
“Have you been to see him?”
“No….”
“Why on earth not? Is he here in Boston?”
He shrugged, feeling helpless. “Only a couple of miles away, as a matter of fact. And to be honest, I don’t know why I haven’t called or gone to see him. He must be wondering about it, too, since Jack told him I was looking for him.”
“Oh, Ryan, put yourself in his shoes,” Maggie said urgently. “It must be awful waiting for a call that hasn’t come. It must be a little bit like reliving what he went through after your parents took off. I’m sure all of you kept expecting to get a phone call any day.”
“Oh, God,” Ryan whispered, struck by her words. “I never looked at it that way. You’re right, Maggie. It was months before I finally accepted the fact that they weren’t calling and weren’t coming back.” The memory still haunted him. How many hours had he stayed near the phone wherever he was, waiting, trying desperately not to hope when it rang, fighting tears when it wasn’t for him.
“That’s when I started getting in trouble,” he told Maggie. “Once I knew that it didn’t matter where I was, because they were never going to look for me, I didn’t care if I was moved from foster home to foster home. I didn’t want to get attached to any of those families, so whenever I felt myself letting down my guard, I’d do something to get sent away.”
He felt Maggie’s hand on his cheek.
“It must have been so awful for you,” she said sympathetically. “And now you have a chance to get back something you lost. Don’t wait another day. Call Sean. Go to see him.”
Ryan wasn’t sure he could do it alone. “Would you…?” He looked into Maggie’s eyes. “I
