"Pardon?" She stared at him, not comprehending his words.
Albert decided enough was enough. They could not continue this game, not when they would either be caught and forced to marry, or she would leave, and he'd be a wreck for the rest of his life, having lost the only woman he ever loved.
"Albert, whatever do you mean?" she asked after his continued silence.
"I've been lying to you, Victoria, and I ought to be horsewhipped for it. In fact, I could understand if you do not want anything further to do with me, but if you do choose that course, know that it would be unbearable pain for me to endure."
She shook her head. A curl slipped loose and bounced about her shoulder. He reached over, placing it behind her ear, a diamond earing glistering in the morning sun.
"I have allowed your lessons to continue because they enabled me to be near you. I have wanted you for as long as I can remember."
"Why did you never say? Why did you not try to court me when Mr. Armstrong made his suit known?" she asked, a haunted look entering her eyes.
"Because you were Penworth's sister, and I knew that I could only court you if I were ready for marriage. I wasn't at that time. Other things were occupying my mind." His writing, his publishing contracts that she still was unaware of, the death of his father. "But I am ready now. When you suggested to help me, all I wanted was to take you up on your offer. I thought I could seduce you into marrying me. That by being with me, you would change your mind on marriage, grow in affection for me and marry me after all."
Her mouth opened and closed several times, but her continual silence echoed like a death knell. Blast it. She was still, after all they had done, against marriage.
Surely not!
"Oh, Albert, I do not know what to say other than what I have always stated from the first. I do not wish to marry again." She reached out, taking his hand when he flinched at her words. "While I do like you so very much, and being with you makes me feel wonderful, I have plans and dreams. A second marriage, a husband and children would stop all of those from coming true."
While he did not want to ruin her dreams, could there be room for him in them? "We could travel together, see the world for as long as you wish, so long as we called into England every few months. Is that too much to ask?"
She nodded, casting her eyes down on the floor covered with an abundance of Aubussons rugs to keep the chill out of the flagstone floor. "It is. To travel with you sounds so wonderful and free, but children would inevitably come. They always do, and I do not think that is what I want in life." She paused, meeting his gaze and his heart crumbled at her words. The unshed tears in her eyes that told him she meant every word she spoke. "I cannot be the reason you do not gain all that you desire in life. A wife, children of your own. I know that is what you want, but I do not. You hate me, do you not? You think I'm wicked for wanting what I do."
"I do not think you're wicked." He could never think that, but it did not make it easy for him to accept either. Damn Armstrong and his underhanded means, his lack of respect for his bride. "I merely think you're missing out on an opportunity that could turn into one of life's grandest adventures. But I will not force you. I will not disclose to Penworth all that we've done simply to marry you. But know that I do wish for you to be mine. Now and forever."
“Albert,” she pleaded, “please do not make this any harder than it already is.”
There was nothing harder than losing the woman he loved. “I love you, Victoria. That I will tell you before you leave me.”
Victoria did not know what to say. Albert was so honest, so open with her, but still, she could not give him what he wanted. It broke her heart that she could not. She was certainly going to hell for being such a wicked woman. "I do not know what to say.” Panic assailed her at his disappointment. What could she say? Nothing would help the situation they found themselves. “Our lessons must end, and we must stop what we're doing."
He nodded slowly, taking in her words. "Our lessons do need to come to an end before there is no stopping what happens between us. We have been lucky so far not to be caught, but that luck will only hold for so long."
She met his gaze, the need and longing she read in his eyes crushing her soul. She was a terrible person. Albert was one of the finest gentlemen she knew. One of the best her family had ever known. Any lady would want to marry the marquess, and yet, she could not.
No matter how much pleasure they gave each other, that was not worth giving up all her dreams for, nor his. One day Albert would realize his love was nothing more than infatuation. When the right woman walked into his life, he would know that today she did the right thing by him, as hard as it was at this moment to believe that. He would have his children to bring laughter to the many rooms at Rosedale and he would know Victoria gave him that gift this very day.
“I do not mean to hurt you, Albert, but I cannot marry again. Each time I think that I may wish to consider the state in my future, my throat closes over and my stomach pains me with
