Martha returned with a thin paperback and handed it to Carlie.
“You look,” Carlie said to me. “I can’t.”
I took it from her outstretched hand. The pages were yellowed from age. A coffee cup stain marked the front. I flipped through it using the pad of my thumb. Nothing. I shook it but again nothing came out. Carlie slumped against the counter. “Just wait. I’m going through each page,” I said as I opened it to the beginning. Logan County Library was stamped in black ink on the title page. One of those library slots where they used to put the return date cards had been glued to the back of the card stock front cover. It no longer held a checkout card. I ran my finger over the pocket. “It’s too fat,” I said. “There’s something in there.” I lifted the edge and peered under to see a piece of lined paper folded into a square. “The pages are in there.” Using my thumb and fingernail, I managed to slide the square out of the pocket. “This has to be them.” I set it in Carlie’s hand.
“Oh my God,” Carlie whispered. “How did I not see that?”
I felt Martha’s eyes on us and turned toward her. “Thank you, Martha,” I said.
Moonstone, who I’d completely forgotten was even here, brushed my elbow. “You might want to hold on to Carlie. She doesn’t look too good.”
Carlie looked as if she might faint. “Are you all right?” I asked gently.
“I need to sit somewhere to read these,” Carlie said.
“Let’s go outside and sit in the park,” I said, suddenly craving the sunlight. This store was too dark for my taste.
“May I have the book back?” Carlie asked Martha. “Turns out I shouldn’t have given it away in the first place.”
“Of course, dear. I hope whatever it is that’s in there gives you the answers you need.”
We all went outside into the sunny morning. In silence, we walked toward the park. When we arrived, I led Carlie over to a bench under the shade of one of the old oaks. Moonstone hung back. “I’ll just go for a walk around and leave you two for now. When you’re ready, I’d like a chance to hold the papers. Depending on what’s inside, I may or may not be able to give you more information.”
Hunched over the tight square of papers, Carlie didn’t respond.
“Thanks, Moonstone,” I said. “We’ll be right here.”
After she walked away, I sat next to Carlie. “It’s time. Unfold them and find out what they say.”
17
Carlie
I nodded, agreeing with Cole’s sentiment that it was most certainly time to find out the truth. Yet I was scared. What if it were another dead end? Or, worse, what if it prompted only further questions?
I unfolded the square carefully, worried I’d tear the fragile paper. There were three pages. Every line on both sides had been written on. Shaking, I started to read.
August 21, 1989
I missed my period. It’s been two weeks. I’m freaking out! I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone. I can’t even tell Carlie. And what about Z? If I’m pregnant, he’ll kill me. I mean, not really. But he’ll be so mad. Maybe I’m just late.
August 22, 1989
Thea told me there’s a pregnancy test you can buy at the drugstore. You just have to pee on a stick and wait ten minutes. But how could I buy one without Mrs. Jones at the drugstore knowing and telling the whole town? I cried myself to sleep last night, and Carlie gave me a weird look this morning at breakfast. She knows something’s wrong. I can see she wants to ask me about it, but I can’t tell her. She’ll be so disappointed in me. I’ve ruined my life. Mom and Dad will hate me if they find out what I’ve done. I don’t know what to do.
August 23, 1989
I threw up this morning. There’s no doubt now. I don’t know what I’m going to do. If I tell Z then I have to have proof. I have a feeling he won’t believe me. I have to get one of those pregnancy tests that Thea told me about.
August 24, 1989
I managed to buy a pregnancy test by driving down to Peregrine where no one knows me. When I got home, Carlie was in the bathroom trying to get her hair to curl. I paced back and forth in the hallway until I finally had to bang on the door and tell her to get out. She did as I asked, but I could tell I’d scared her. I’d never pounded on the door before, even when I needed to pee and she was taking forever. I didn’t apologize, which I felt bad about later but all I could think about was the test.
It was the longest ten minutes of my life. But it was pink. I knew it already. My life is over.
August 25, 1989
Last night Carlie and I went to see the fireworks with Luke and his brothers. I swear Luke knows something. He kept looking at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. Before the fireworks started we broke away to take a walk together. Carlie and Cole were doing their thing where they sit and talk for hours. I don’t know how they could have that much to say. I can’t ever think of a thing to talk to Luke about. Drew was making out with his latest girlfriend so he was busy too. Luke asked me if I was okay. I started crying and he held me and stroked my hair. He said whatever it was, even if it was that I didn’t love him anymore, he understood.
