August 26, 1989
My heart is broken. I went over to Z’s house today, determined to tell him. I’d heard she was out of town for a few days so I thought it might be safe. I couldn’t wait for our usual day. I just couldn’t. There’s a baby growing inside me. His baby. I walked over so no one would see my car in his driveway. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. But I knew he was there. His car was there. He didn’t want to see me. My last hope was that maybe he was in the backyard and didn’t hear me knocking, so I went around the side of the house. That’s when I saw the bike. I knew instantly. Thea. She was there. I knew only too well why. He’s doing it with her too. I wanted to make up a reason, like maybe she needed help with something at school, but I know the truth. If he did it with me, why wouldn’t he do it with another girl?
I’m devastated. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think I was the only one. That I was special. That what we had was special. Instead, I’m just sex to him. I hate myself. I hate him.
I’m going to have to tell the truth. I can’t hide my pregnancy forever. Mom and Dad will assume it’s Luke’s. I’ve already ruined my life. I can’t ruin his too, especially since he’s been so good to me even thought I don’t deserve it.
We’re all supposed to go to the fair tomorrow night. Dad wants me to drive Carlie and me and meet the boys there. He’s weird about us riding in cars with other teenagers. Which is pretty funny considering what I’ve been doing for the last six months. I’m going to pretend to be sick and leave Carlie there with the Paisley boys, then come back here to tell Z that I’m pregnant. I can’t let Luke take the fall for this. After I tell Z, I’m going to tell Mom and Dad the truth. All of it. I have a plan. One that they’ll agree to, I feel sure. I’m going ask them to send me to Aunt Sally’s to have the baby. I can put it up for adoption and then finish high school in Aunt Sally’s town. I can’t ever come back here. Not with Z still here. I know Mom and Dad are going to be upset, but the only thing I care about at this point is making sure no one thinks the baby is Luke’s. He has such a bright future. I know he’s going to be a doctor and have a great life. After everything I’ve done, I have to protect him. As for Z—all I know is that I want him to understand what he’s done and what my plans are and that I know who he really is now. A lying snake.
The only one I don’t know how I can face is Carlie. She’s obviously totally in love with Cole, and I don’t know what this will do to them. The Paisley brothers stick together. I’ve messed everything up for myself and probably for my sister. When Luke knows that I’m a cheater and liar, there’s no way he’s going to want Cole to have anything to do with this family. I can only hope that Cole will be able to make his own decision.
Yet even as I write this, I know one thing for sure. Even though Mom and Dad and Carlie will be shocked and saddened by what I’ve done, they’ll never abandon me or turn me away. I’ve screwed up, but they’ll still love me. Over the last few days it’s like I can see with new eyes how much they’ve done for me, how much they love me no matter what. I need to make sure they understand how much I love and appreciate them. We’re the Websters, and even though I messed up, I’ll be able to keep going because of them.
Please, God, watch over me tomorrow. Help me to be brave.
The words blurred from the tears that ran down my face. My Beth. My sweet sister. All alone in this decision.
My heart thudded fast and hard within my chest. Z had killed her to keep her quiet. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind. Who was he?
With trembling hands, I handed the pages to Cole. “You won’t believe this.”
I watched Cole as he took in the meaning of Beth’s final words on what proved to be her final days. When finished, he folded them back into a square and hung his head. “Poor Beth.”
“Beth wanted to protect Luke. She wanted to do the right thing even though she was in deep trouble. That’s the Beth that I knew and loved.” I drew in a ragged breath, fighting tears. Crying wasn’t going to help me figure out the identity of her killer. “He did it. Whoever he is.”
Cole nodded. “He must have decided keeping himself from being identified was worth killing her over. The violence of the crime tells us how enraged he was. As if he hadn’t gotten her pregnant.” His face went blank for a moment. “You realize something, though. Thea knows who he is. She may not have known at the time, but whoever she was with
