She motions to the deep red bouquet of roses I purchased before zoning out. “No need to apologize. I only asked if it was an anniversary gift. If so, I have some cards to choose from, that’ll sure make your Mrs. happy.”
My Mrs…
I don’t have it in me to admit the truth. That today is an anniversary in itself, but not the one any parent wants to have. Today marks six months since my youngest daughter, Addilyn, was abducted. Six long months with no leads. Six months of hell.
I settle for a courteous smile. “No, thank you. The roses alone will do.”
Oscar groans on the way to my Porsche. “Why did you have to find the flowers straight away? I wanted to stay with Ginger Rodgers!”
Ginger Rodgers? “Huh?”
“Ginger Rodgers.” He blinks innocently with a shrug as I assist him into the backseat. “That was the name of that lady’s cat. It was so cute and fluffy!”
Once the twins’ belts are on, I round the car and slip into the driver’s seat. Those damn roses taunt me as they rest by the passenger seat. “Ginger Rodgers is also an actress famous for films in the late 1930s. That’s why I was confused at first, buddy.”
In the rearview mirror, Slonne’s eyes light up. “An actress? Wow! Was she beautiful?”
“Yes. She was.”
“Like Mom?”
“Nobody will ever be as beautiful as your mother.” I rush a hand over my stubbled jaw and suppress a sigh. “Nobody will ever compare to her.”
And with that, we’re off to Helena, my sister-in-law’s house. The same house Valencia has been living in by choice ever since everything went south. The constant daily reminders of the crime that took place in our Madrona home were too much for her, and I don’t blame her for it, but at the same time I’m giving Tom Hanks a run for his money for being Sleepless in Seattle…literally.
Although the answer may have been long forgotten between Oscar and Slonne, it burns deeply through me. Nobody will ever compare to her. Valencia and I have been separated for five months now, yet she’s still the most beautiful woman I know. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing.
Valencia was my rock. The only person that kept me going when I didn’t think I had it in me. The only person who loved me for me. Fuck, she was my everything.
Stop thinking about her, Giannotti. I’m trying, I tell myself. I’m trying not to think of those perfect hazel eyes and the way she—great, now I can’t stop thinking about her.
A silver Mercedes I noticed when I pulled out of the florist distracts me. It was only seconds ago I pledged to stop thinking about the love of my life, and now I want to return to the thought because the car behind me keeps a suspiciously close distance to mine.
It trails behind me even when I carefully weave through traffic and take the side streets. Is this person following me? I pump on the accelerator and my heart echoes the motion.
My eyes flicker to the twins who talk amongst themselves and then to the car behind us. I can’t make out the features of the person because they’re losing momentum. I think it’s a man. I slow down against the curb of an unfamiliar house and he zooms past me so fast I don’t even catch a glimpse of the plate number.
Shit.
Perhaps it’s all just in my head?
I settle for that because I don’t need any other disturbances tonight. Tonight, after five months, Valencia and I are finally going to have dinner together as a family with Oscar and Slonne.
I flick on my indicator and turn the car around. There’s another way I can get to Helena’s, but whichever way I plan to go doesn’t alleviate the persistent vice on my heart at the thought of seeing Valencia this evening.
I pray tonight runs smoothly. I want us to stop being angry at each other and simply be—even if it’s just for one night. It’s all I want. It’s all she wants too. Sometimes we get so caught up in the notions of life that we forget what we’re fighting for and begin the blame game.
When I founded Notti Designs at twenty-three, I didn’t have the responsibilities I have today. Nine years later, my architecture and interior design company is an award-winning business expanding across the globe. I thought I had my life in control. It was only six months and a day ago when I was a devoted husband to a beautiful woman and a proud father of three. Everything changed when the clock struck March first this year.
I’m not the same man I was before. It’s for the better.
Yet, deep down, my heart of hearts calls me a liar.
I ignore it.
Valencia isn’t only my wife—she was my best friend, the mother of our children, and the only family I know besides them. I can’t be any more damn serious when I say I still can’t live without her and our children. Even now—I can’t. They give everything purpose. I should have never taken our unconditional love for granted.
A numbness overtakes my right foot as I touch on the brakes and park in Helena’s driveway. The dry orange leaves will crush under my feet the moment I step out and by that time the numb sensation will subside. What won’t settle is my regret of not pouring myself two fingers of scotch before driving. It would have settled my mind right about now.
If I didn’t have the kids, I would have.
The roses in the passenger seat grip me. I stare and stare until I am transported into a new wave of bleakness. Swirls of red cloud my vision and just like that, I’m back to that dreaded night in April, the one that marked a full month without Addilyn. The one that slaughtered every chance of being a complete family again. The one that ruined me completely.
It was on darn April Fools, yet the events swallowing
