“Tell me truthfully, am I…am I crazy for still believing Addilyn is alive?”
“No.” My mom threads her fingers through mine. “No. You’re not crazy, sweetheart. I believe in you and in my granddaughter. It couldn’t have ended that way, there needs to be more.”
“Giulio’s crazy for not believing,” my sister cuts in. “I mean, he’s this big family man and then when it comes to his own child he doesn’t even want to hold onto any hope! It’s—”
“Helena, enough.”
“No, Mom, It’s true. Don’t you see my point, Valencia?”
I do.
It’s the point I have been fighting for these entire six months.
“As each day passes, Giulio’s reasoning is beginning to come to light. I think it has to do with his mother.” I glance between them and sigh. “His mother dying when he was young possibly scarred his view on death and what it is. That’s the only thing that makes sense in my mind as to why he doesn’t want to delay anything. Perhaps Giulio needs to accept it, just like he accepted his mom’s or else the uncertainty will destroy him. He doesn’t want to be hurting.”
Helena takes my free hand. “I get it. I do. But he’s hurting you instead. I say wear that killer black dress of yours into his office and he’ll come around faster than you can blink.”
“No. Stand your ground, Val. Wait it out a few days, maybe he’ll apologize.”
“I just miss him so much,” I croak, swallowing down my bittersweet truth. “I really do.”
“He misses you too. I see it in his eyes when we have dinner together.” Mom hugs me tightly and her rose perfume flutters away all my fear. “It’s not just because we’re the only family he knows, it’s because he genuinely does miss you. It takes a brave man to admit that. It takes a brave woman to accept it. Giulio’s one in a million; we all know it. He just needs some time.”
A voice clearing breaks our discussion.
Helena’s children stroll into the open plan kitchen. My godson, Weston, reminds me of my late brother-in-law. Reserved. Calm. Sarcastic. They share the same composed features. Despite sons typically looking like their mothers, Helena once admitted she saw a lot of Ben in Weston too.
I know it must be difficult for her to face.
Daisy is seven and began first grade a couple weeks ago with my children. Although she’s a year older, Helena had wanted to wait and give her an extra year before enrolling her. My niece is like Slonne’s twin and they do everything together—just like Helena and me. If there’s one good thing that has come out of my separation, it’s that my children are even closer to their cousins.
Both Helena and her kids have also been through a lot. Weston was four and Daisy lost her father before she was even born. My sister ensures he stays alive through photographs and memories; it keeps the fairytale vivid and allows them to still live harmoniously.
When Giulio and I met in October of 2009, Ben had already left this earth in March. We had only begun dating but the spark between Giulio and I was so strong that we knew there would be nobody else. In retrospect, some may say it was crazy that Helena appointed Giulio to be Daisy’s godfather after only two months of knowing him, but it worked out as he was my fiancé and it was exactly a few days from when Giulio and I were getting married.
We all stepped in for Helena when her husband passed because that’s what we do when we love somebody. Giulio still goes above and beyond for her kids. He flourished Weston’s love for basketball and soccer while maintaining a frequent client at Daisy’s hairdressing studio. When we had our own children, he continued the traditions.
What they say about falling deeper in love with your husband when children come in the picture is true for me, but sometimes love isn’t enough…even when it’s all I desire.
“Mom, I’m starving! Is it dinnertime yet?” Daisy hollers.
“Almost. Have you all cleaned up?”
“Yeah….?”
Helena arches a playful brow. “Are you asking or telling?”
Daisy looks up at me for refuge. I smile and crouch down. She grins up at me and gives me a side hug that puts me on reset. “It’s okay, butterfly. Go get cleaned up with your cousins and we’ll make sure dinner is done when you’re back.”
My mother is already laughing when the four cousins return, only to begin slamming their knives and forks on the table, chanting a chorus of ‘We want food.’
Helena scolds them, yet fails to suppress her smirk. “I swear they’re turning into mini beasts! First Daisy throws my Ray Bans out the window, now she’s leading the cult in damaging my favorite dining table.”
Radiant energy jolts through me at the mention of her glasses. “Oh yeah, that’s right! Did you ever find them?”
“Oh my god! I never told you! A car ran over them—hey, it’s not funny! They were vintage!”
“It’s called karma, my love.” Our mom snickers and, seconds before joining the kids, turns to throw us a wink. “Sweet karma. That’s what you get for not getting me a pair too.”
“They were a onetime deal!”
“Sure, sure.”
It becomes all too much during dinner when for the first time in months, Helena keeps the news on. The case flashes across the screen.
BREAKING NEWS: THE SECRET WITNESS ASSISTING IN THE WINDOW CASE.
The reporter informs us of what I read in the newspaper this afternoon that Giulio had kept from me. It’s only brief coverage with the police not putting forth much information. There’s no mention of any letters and for once I feel a comfort knowing that my life is not being completely dissected and shared with the entire world. There are still aspects that are just for me.
Then a picture
