Oscar points towards the television “We’re famous! Our family is on the news!”
“Yeah, that’s you,” Daisy pipes in.
My veins pulse with nerves when Helena and I exchange an uneasy glance. Mom hasn’t moved her gaze from the kids once.
Giulio pops up on the screen next, walking through 5th Avenue on the way to a meeting.
Slonne gasps loudly, “Look! It’s Daddy!”
“Yes, baby.”
It’s LIVE and a microphone is thrusted into his face. The blonde-haired reporter makes fast strides as she attempts to keep up with him. It’s obvious Giulio isn’t in the mood to speak.
“Mr. Giannotti, do you believe this could spark a reopening of the case?”
“At this stage, we have to wait until the police make a decision.”
“Addilyn’s mother is refusing to take interviews, what do you say to this?”
“I believe Valencia has the right to her privacy. As you can understand, this is a traumatic time for our family and we ask at this stage that our privacy is respected. Thank you. Please excuse me.”
The news report ends with the underlying big question: What happened to Addilyn Giannotti?
Everybody is silent as a report begins about an influx of racketeers and young gangs returning to the streets. I take ahold of the remote and change the channel to Disney. Swirls of animated colors swarm the screen. I don’t expect the burning sensation in my stomach to spread so rapidly across my body, yet it does, taking along all my pride with it. I know why my mother and sister don’t say a word, mostly because I don’t have any words either.
The children are a different story.
They think differently.
They have questions.
I concentrate on cutting up the chicken breast for Slonne, feeling Oscar’s eyes on me. I wish I could take away his pain. I wish I could take away every single person’s pain around this table.
“Mommy, so somebody saw her?” Oscar’s eyes, so similar to Giulio’s, survey me.
“It’s possible that somebody did. The police are working with them at the moment.”
“Who saw her?”
“A lady, but she doesn’t want to be named. The police haven’t revealed much more. We have to wait a little while, buddy.”
I should use the same advice on myself.
“How long do we have to wait until we know?” Slonne’s curiosity sparks as she grabs the neck of the orange juice bottle. “Until tomorrow? The weekend?”
I wish my darling angel.
I take the juice from Slonne and refill her glass. While I’m here, I pour a glass for everybody. It buys me time. I force a smile and pray they don’t see right through it. Helena does. She’s frowning at the end of the table, partaking in her own demons.
“Perhaps a bit longer than that.”
“How long then?”
“It could be anything, darling. Perhaps a few days.”
“Or a few weeks,” my mother echoes her optimism. “It all depends.”
“On what?” Weston pipes in. “If they saw her, then the police know the area to look. That’s a pretty good place to start considering there has been no other clues, right?”
“True,” I say, “but there are procedures they have to follow.”
“And then the police will find Addilyn and bring her back?”
I swallow down the regret that laces my tongue. My chest feels strange. Too caged, too tight.
Our children are hurting just as much as I am—just as much as we are. They’re not excluded in our agony. That hurts too. The fact that Giulio left the kids out of the loop. We had no time to privately discuss how we would explain this to them.
This is life we are talking about. It’s not a game where we can adjust the rules. There is no manual. We’re handed life in fragile pieces, forced to move forward blindfolded with no sense of direction. It isn’t fair—but it’s life. We all live and die. The cruel reality of Addilyn being the latter haunts me.
“Is that how it will work, Auntie Valencia?”
“Mom?”
“Yes. Hopefully, that’s exactly how it goes.” I draw out my hands, clasping Daisy and Slonne’s tiny hands. “Let’s say grace before dinner. Who would like to lead?”
Oscar raises his hand and so we commence. “Thank you, God, for this food. Chicken breast is the best. It helps me pass every test.”
“Oscar.” I peer at him with one eye and smile. “Serious this time.”
He nods, and around the table, everybody’s eyes are shut except my mother’s and Helena’s. We’re all looking at each other intently until Slonne squeezes my hand and I turn to find a grin on her lips. For a split moment, I see myself at her age—pure innocence and the ability to believe in big dreams.
Oscar starts over.
“God, thanks for the food. Thank you for life and the sunshine and my family. I love them heaps. Help the people that don’t have food and a house. I hope you find that person’s name and that the police bring Addilyn home. I miss her. When she is back home it will all be better. We can all live together with Daddy and Mommy again and be happy again. Then they can have even more babies and everything will be okay. That good, Mommy?”
The first salty tear runs down my cheek. “It couldn’t be more perfect, Oscar.”
“Amen.”
Giulio
I know why I did it. Some fucked up side of me wanted to protect Valencia. Now I know I shouldn’t have. According to her, I should have told her about the sighting and watched her suffer in front of me.
That doesn’t sit well with who I am.
I don’t want her to suffer. That has never been my intention. Ever. For too long now we’ve been blaming each other for everything. Yes, everything did crash and burn with Addilyn, but that wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t Valencia’s either. It’s out of our control.
I wholeheartedly take
