That is so touching.
Remember what he did, Valencia.
He hid the truth. He hid hope from me. I can’t forget about that and it stings.
Right now, my feelings for him are so strong, but every time he makes a move I deflate. The fact that he’s leaving for Vancouver doesn’t help. I want to remind him to remember his passport. Six years ago, we eagerly presented ourselves at Sea-Tac Airport to begin our wedding and honeymoon in Fiji, only to be publicly mortified we miraculously both forgot our passports at home. Call it pre newlywed dementia. It’s been a running joke between us ever since…well, until a few months ago.
Valencia: That helps tremendously. Thank you.
Those three bubbles appear and I bite my lip waiting and waiting and waiting. Then all of a sudden they disappear. I shouldn’t feel this disappointed, yet I do.
What were you expecting him to say or do? Apologize?
I don’t even know anymore. What I do know now is how to make Slonne feel even better.
“Okay, angel. Let’s use the bad dream spray now!”
It’s been half an hour since Slonne’s nightmare and I wish I could use that darn perfume on me because while she’s sound asleep, I’m in the living room racking my brains. Helena and everybody else in this house is sound asleep, and I can’t shut my eyes no matter what I do.
My gaze darts to a basket a couple of feet away by the fireplace.
No.
I concentrate on the snapping of twigs and the mesmerizing glowing heat it projects. I can’t possibly look inside that basket. I put in my Bluetooth earphones, adamant for something to come from it as I lie on the couch and pull up the weighted blanket. Perhaps being outside of the bedroom will help.
‘I Found’ by Amber Run blasts through my ears on repeat.
I shut my eyes.
Nope.
I up the volume, blurring out any source from reality. Yet my eyes trail to the basket again.
For the love of god.
In a split moment, the dusty pink photo album is set on my lap. Addilyn Giannotti. If Helena were to catch me, she would advise against this triggering move. My therapist once said reminders of the past don’t have to be potent. The handbook mentioned the same thing and right now, I want to implement and absorb as much as I can. I want to overcome my depression, or at least know how to tolerate it better.
I glance through the pages, reminiscing our premature happiness. Addilyn on my chest as a newborn. Her first night at home. Meeting her siblings. That gorgeous little smile.
I stop at my favorite candid picture. The baptism. Giulio and I stand together. His left hand is hooked around my waist, the other settling on Slonne’s shoulder. Oscar is beside me, making a face while I have Addilyn cradled in my arms. She’s even more adorable in white. Giulio is looking lovingly at me, grinning. I too feel his warmth, wrapped in love.
This used to be my favorite picture. Tears build. There’s no resistance in me when I reach a finger forward and stroke Giulio’s face and then the children’s.
I need something to take away the bitter taste in my mouth and ginger tea becomes my last resort. I don’t usually have it at night because it gives me a headache and keeps me up late, but seeing as everything is becoming a role reversal, I give it a try.
The powerful chorus of the hauntingly beautiful song blares in my ears, a perfect reminder of my situation. The lyrics start off describing breaking away from the person you love and losing your mind over wanting to move on whilst your soul continues to hold onto the person. Then depending on the state of the heart while listening, the ending can either be depicted as; the couple falling back in love—or, walking out of each-other’s lives for good.
I pull out the kettle and fill it up when the unexpected happens. Something hard presses against my back.
A body.
The kettle begins overflowing, but I can’t reach the faucet fast enough before my mouth is covered, muting my scream.
Oh my God! What is going on?
One of my earphones falls out amid the commotion. The music stops as the hand leaves my mouth. It’s only then I get a whiff of aftershave that my entire body heaves.
“I’m sorry.” A soft murmur meets my right ear. “I didn’t know you had them in.”
Giulio.
I thought the absolute worst moments ago and now I don’t even know what to say.
“Holy hell, you scared me!” I set both earphones on the counter in a daze and turn to face him with my heart beating a million miles per hour. “What are you doing here at this hour?”
Giulio sports a classy five o’clock shadow, a crisp white shirt that sculpts his impeccable torso, and those damn gray slacks. He swallows, regretful sorrow plunged in his bright-eyed gaze. “I needed to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to hear it. How did you even get in?”
“I used my emergency key because I knew you may not have opened up. I don’t want to get on a plane in a few hours knowing we’re angry with each other. I was in a late meeting when I got your text and once it ended I gambled with the idea you were still awake.”
“I think it would be best if you leave.”
“Please let me explain.” We’re so close I feel his hot breath against me. “You see how perfect Oscar and Slonne are. We care and love them more than life itself. We’d sacrifice ourselves to have their sister back, but there’s certain things in life we have to…accept.”
“I can’t accept that I will never see her again. She’s us. She’s a piece of me. I carried and nurtured her for nine months. She was safe with us. I can’t let it all go now. It hurts…too much.”
“I know it does. I’m sorry, I used the
