Merciful Vows: A Bittersweet Second Chance Romantic Suspense (The Giannotti World Book 1)

I should change out of them but that would only mean prolonging my stay. And so I sling my bag over my shoulder and cast him a look. “Giulio…once you told me to never be afraid because as long as you’re around everything would be okay. That was another lie because right now I am looking at you and all I see is what I’m afraid of—losing control.” Tears roll down his cheeks. I quickly wipe my own away and lay my truth right upon the sinful air. “You killed what may have well been the only hope in finding Addilyn. That ocean of mine…the one you take me to when I have an attack…you made it my cure. You promised you’d be there for me through the storm. But now I realize the person I needed the most through it all was myself. That isn’t your fault. It’s mine. You helped me as much as you could, but I neglected every aspect of myself. I let myself go. Not anymore. I need to find myself again. And if I sink, at least I know I am going down for my family with nothing but honesty. At least I have a chance of survival. At least I can claim full responsibility for battling both the tide and the storm…my way.”

Rushing down the hallway, I make a stop by Oscar’s room. My blurred vision stays on the door handle long and hard. A few minutes must pass before I feel Giulio’s presence by my side.

He extends two keys to me, giving me unspoken permission to end it all.

“Take them home with you,” he whispers, yet his broken voice contradicts every word.

My fingertips brush against the cool metal keys. All I need to do is take them, it’s what my head says to do, but my heart…it tells me not to. It screams for me be the bigger person and have a little faith in him, even though I’m distraught. I have to do it for Oscar, Slonne and Addilyn. I have to deal with my anger towards Giulio and what’s the best thing for our kids as two separate issues. They can’t suffer or be involved in any more turmoil as a consequence to our ruined love. It would not be fair.

“Giulio, I…”

“If you don’t trust me with the twins, take them home with you.”

I back away from both Giulio and the keys all together. “You know I do trust you with them.”

“Then why did you say the opposite moments ago?”

“Because when I saw the gun it was…”

“Too much?” Those glassy eyes of his study me slowly. “Is it all too much?”

“Yes,” I sniffle.

“I love our children more than the world itself. As their father, I would do anything to make them happy. You know that. I hope you know that. But if I’m wrong…if I’m nothing but a poor excuse of a father, by the grace of god I’ll open their bedroom doors for you myself.”

The moment our eyes meet, our seven years turn to dust.

After everything that’s happened tonight, there deserves to be one truth between us. At least one. And so, in the midst of my own heavy heartache, I choke out the only words I have.

“Our children need a father, just like you said they need a mother. Even as heartbroken as I am right now, you deserve honestly. You’re not a poor excuse of a father, you never have been …because…” my throat aches. “You are the best father in the world, Giulio. I mean that.”

I witness the first tear fall from his eyes and leave this cursed house as fast as I can.

Giulio’s tense face and fragile soul remains present in my mind during the entire drive to Helena’s. It matches mine and hurts me deeper.

Oh my god.

Giulio killed his father.

He killed our chance at finding Addilyn.

I struggle to release a steady breath. Everything is too much. The gun. The secrets. Giulio’s face. That man…he said that soon it will happen. What is it?

Helena is filling up a glass of water in the kitchen and leaps towards me the moment she sees me. I fall to my knees, clutching onto her on the way down. I sob for every single thing I’m afraid of because they’re all happening. All one after the other.

Just when I fell back in love with him…

Helena doesn’t say a word. Her sister senses already know. She simply holds me tightly, despite the blood, and tells me everything will be okay. Everything could not be any worse and the final string holding my heart together snaps.

I vowed to love Giulio Giannotti unconditionally.

I plea for God to have mercy on me…because tonight, I break that vow.

Everything I thought to be true is based upon lies. These are the lies we tell ourselves, to comfort one another, to protect each other and it will be these exact lies that will eventually cost us our sanity.

Giulio

“As I said, the earliest I can be there is by 8 A.M.”

“Sandro, I’ll pay triple. You have my word. He needs to go before my children see him.”

“Triple?” A sly chuckle cuts through the line. “You sure you want to hand over that amount of money to me? We’re heading into six figures of a no refund deal.”

“I trust you.”

“Alright. We’ll settle for triple then. I’ll be there within the hour.”

My hands tremble on the phone. “Thank you.”

“Wipe the cameras.”

“Already have.”

“Good.”

Sandro hangs up and I sink into the couch, pouring myself my second glass of bourbon. I down it in one go and pour my third. My muscles don’t ease. They haven’t since I pulled the trigger tonight.

My hands tug through the ends of my hair and I recoil in a pit of pain.

What have I done?

I’ve lost everything tonight.

The love of my life.

My children.

Myself.

I cannot breathe. The tightness in my throat does not allow it. I cannot fucking breathe.

Face it. Look at what you’ve done. Look at it.

The blood is dried