Short Plays

diamonds, and do not need them. She Fretfully. I have told you already that I hate diamonds; only Teddy insists on hanging me all over with them. You need not preach simplicity to me. He I never thought of doing so, dearest: I know that these trivialities are nothing to you. What was I saying⁠—oh yes. Instead of coming back here from the theatre, you will come with me to my home⁠—now and henceforth our home⁠—and in due course of time, when you are divorced, we shall go through whatever idle legal ceremony you may desire. I attach no importance to the law: my love was not created in me by the law, nor can it be bound or loosed by it. That is simple enough, and sweet enough, is it not? He takes the flower from the table. Here are flowers for you: I have the tickets: we will ask your husband to lend us the carriage to show that there is no malice, no grudge, between us. Come! She Spiritlessly, taking the flowers without looking at them, and temporizing. Teddy isn’t in yet. He Well, let us take that calmly. Let us go to the theatre as if nothing had happened, and tell him when we come back. Now or three hours hence: today or tomorrow: what does it matter, provided all is done in honor, without shame or fear? She What did you get tickets for? Lohengrin? He I tried; but Lohengrin was sold out for tonight. He takes out two Court Theatre tickets. She Then what did you get? He Can you ask me? What is there besides Lohengrin that we two could endure, except Candida? She Springing up. Candida! No, I won’t go to it again, Henry. Tossing the flower on the piano. It is that play that has done all the mischief. I’m very sorry I ever saw it: it ought to be stopped. He Amazed. Aurora! She Yes: I mean it. He That divinest love poem! the poem that gave us courage to speak to one another! that revealed to us what we really felt for one another! that⁠— She Just so. It put a lot of stuff into my head that I should never have dreamt of for myself. I imagined myself just like Candida. He Catching her hands and looking earnestly at her. You were right. You are like Candida. She Snatching her hands away. Oh, stuff! And I thought you were just like Eugene. Looking critically at him. Now that I come to look at you, you are rather like him, too. She throws herself discontentedly into the nearest seat, which happens to be the bench at the piano. He goes to her. He Very earnestly. Aurora: if Candida had loved Eugene she would have gone out into the night with him without a moment’s hesitation. She With equal earnestness. Henry: do you know what’s wanting in that play? He There is nothing wanting in it. She Yes there is. There’s a Georgina wanting in it. If Georgina had been there to make trouble, that play would have been a true-to-life tragedy. Now I’ll tell you something about it that I have never told you before. He What is that? She I took Teddy to it. I thought it would do him good; and so it would if I could only have kept him awake. Georgina came too; and you should have heard the way she went on about it. She said it was downright immoral, and that she knew the sort of woman that encourages boys to sit on the hearthrug and make love to her. She was just preparing Teddy’s mind to poison it about me. He Let us be just to Georgina, dearest⁠— She Let her deserve it first. Just to Georgina, indeed! He She really sees the world in that way. That is her punishment. She How can it be her punishment when she likes it? It’ll be my punishment when she brings that budget of poems to Teddy. I wish you’d have some sense, and sympathize with my position a little. He Going away from the piano and beginning to walk about rather testily. My dear: I really don’t care about Georgina or about Teddy. All these squabbles belong to a plane on which I am, as you say, no use. I have counted the cost; and I do not fear the consequences. After all, what is there to fear? Where is the difficulty? What can Georgina do? What can your husband do? What can anybody do? She Do you mean to say that you propose that we should walk right bang up to Teddy and tell him we’re going away together? He Yes. What can be simpler? She And do you think for a moment he’d stand it, like that half-baked clergyman in the play? He’d just kill you. He Coming to a sudden stop and speaking with considerable confidence. You don’t understand these things, my darling: how could you? In one respect I am unlike the poet in the play. I have followed the Greek ideal and not neglected the culture of my body. Your husband would make a tolerable second-rate heavy weight if he were in training and ten years younger. As it is, he could, if strung up to a great effort by a burst of passion, give a good account of himself for perhaps fifteen seconds. But I am active enough to keep out of his reach for fifteen seconds; and after that I should be simply all over him. She Rising and coming to him in consternation. What do you mean by all over him? He Gently. Don’t ask me, dearest. At all events, I swear to you that you need not be anxious about me. She And what about Teddy? Do you mean to tell me that you are going to beat Teddy before my face like a brutal prizefighter? He All this alarm is needless, dearest. Believe me, nothing will happen. Your husband knows that I am capable of