Heartbreak House

Would you believe it that quite a lot of women have flirted with me because I am quite safe? But they get tired of me for the same reason. Mrs. Hushabye Mischievously. Take care. You may not be so safe as you think. Mazzini Oh yes, quite safe. You see, I have been in love really: the sort of love that only happens once. Softly. That’s why Ellie is such a lovely girl. Mrs. Hushabye Well, really, you are coming out. Are you quite sure you won’t let me tempt you into a second grand passion? Mazzini Quite. It wouldn’t be natural. The fact is, you don’t strike on my box, Mrs. Hushabye; and I certainly don’t strike on yours. Mrs. Hushabye I see. Your marriage was a safety match. Mazzini What a very witty application of the expression I used! I should never have thought of it. Ellie comes in from the garden, looking anything but happy. Mrs. Hushabye Rising. Oh! here is Ellie at last. She goes behind the sofa. Ellie On the threshold of the starboard door. Guinness said you wanted me: you and Papa. Mrs. Hushabye You have kept us waiting so long that it almost came to⁠—well, never mind. Your father is a very wonderful man she ruffles his hair affectionately: the only one I ever met who could resist me when I made myself really agreeable. She comes to the big chair, on Mangan’s left. Come here. I have something to show you. Ellie strolls listlessly to the other side of the chair. Look. Ellie Contemplating Mangan without interest. I know. He is only asleep. We had a talk after dinner; and he fell asleep in the middle of it. Mrs. Hushabye You did it, Ellie. You put him asleep. Mazzini Rising quickly and coming to the back of the chair. Oh, I hope not. Did you, Ellie? Ellie Wearily. He asked me to. Mazzini But it’s dangerous. You know what happened to me. Ellie Utterly indifferent. Oh, I daresay I can wake him. If not, somebody else can. Mrs. Hushabye It doesn’t matter, anyhow, because I have at last persuaded your father that you don’t want to marry him. Ellie Suddenly coming out of her listlessness, much vexed. But why did you do that, Hesione? I do want to marry him. I fully intend to marry him. Mazzini Are you quite sure, Ellie? Mrs. Hushabye has made me feel that I may have been thoughtless and selfish about it. Ellie Very clearly and steadily. Papa. When Mrs. Hushabye takes it on herself to explain to you what I think or don’t think, shut your ears tight; and shut your eyes too. Hesione knows nothing about me: she hasn’t the least notion of the sort of person I am, and never will. I promise you I won’t do anything I don’t want to do and mean to do for my own sake. Mazzini You are quite, quite sure? Ellie Quite, quite sure. Now you must go away and leave me to talk to Mrs. Hushabye. Mazzini But I should like to hear. Shall I be in the way? Ellie Inexorable. I had rather talk to her alone. Mazzini Affectionately. Oh, well, I know what a nuisance parents are, dear. I will be good and go. He goes to the garden door. By the way, do you remember the address of that professional who woke me up? Don’t you think I had better telegraph to him? Mrs. Hushabye Moving towards the sofa. It’s too late to telegraph tonight. Mazzini I suppose so. I do hope he’ll wake up in the course of the night. He goes out into the garden. Ellie Turning vigorously on Hesione the moment her father is out of the room. Hesione, what the devil do you mean by making mischief with my father about Mangan? Mrs. Hushabye Promptly losing her temper. Don’t you dare speak to me like that, you little minx. Remember that you are in my house. Ellie Stuff! Why don’t you mind your own business? What is it to you whether I choose to marry Mangan or not? Mrs. Hushabye Do you suppose you can bully me, you miserable little matrimonial adventurer? Ellie Every woman who hasn’t any money is a matrimonial adventurer. It’s easy for you to talk: you have never known what it is to want money; and you can pick up men as if they were daisies. I am poor and respectable⁠— Mrs. Hushabye Interrupting. Ho! respectable! How did you pick up Mangan? How did you pick up my husband? You have the audacity to tell me that I am a⁠—a⁠—a⁠— Ellie A siren. So you are. You were born to lead men by the nose: if you weren’t, Marcus would have waited for me, perhaps. Mrs. Hushabye Suddenly melting and half laughing. Oh, my poor Ellie, my pettikins, my unhappy darling! I am so sorry about Hector. But what can I do? It’s not my fault: I’d give him to you if I could. Ellie I don’t blame you for that. Mrs. Hushabye What a brute I was to quarrel with you and call you names! Do kiss me and say you’re not angry with me. Ellie Fiercely. Oh, don’t slop and gush and be sentimental. Don’t you see that unless I can be hard⁠—as hard as nails⁠—I shall go mad? I don’t care a damn about your calling me names: do you think a woman in my situation can feel a few hard words? Mrs. Hushabye Poor little woman! Poor little situation! Ellie I suppose you think you’re being sympathetic. You are just foolish and stupid and selfish. You see me getting a smasher right in the face that kills a whole part of my life: the best part that can never come again; and you think you can help me over it by a little coaxing and kissing. When I want all the strength I can get to lean on: something iron, something stony, I don’t care how cruel it is, you