Troilus and Cressida

danger;
And danger, like an ague, subtly taints
Even then when we sit idly in the sun. Achilles

Go call Thersites hither, sweet Patroclus:
I’ll send the fool to Ajax and desire him
To invite the Trojan lords after the combat
To see us here unarm’d: I have a woman’s longing,
An appetite that I am sick withal,
To see great Hector in his weeds of peace,
To talk with him and to behold his visage,
Even to my full of view.

Enter Thersites. A labour saved! Thersites A wonder! Achilles What? Thersites Ajax goes up and down the field, asking for himself. Achilles How so? Thersites He must fight singly to-morrow with Hector, and is so prophetically proud of an heroical cudgelling that he raves in saying nothing. Achilles How can that be? Thersites Why, he stalks up and down like a peacock⁠—a stride and a stand: ruminates like an hostess that hath no arithmetic but her brain to set down her reckoning: bites his lip with a politic regard, as who should say “There were wit in this head, an ’twould out;” and so there is, but it lies as coldly in him as fire in a flint, which will not show without knocking. The man’s undone forever; for if Hector break not his neck i’ the combat, he’ll break’t himself in vain-glory. He knows not me: I said “Good morrow, Ajax;” and he replies “Thanks, Agamemnon.” What think you of this man that takes me for the general? He’s grown a very land-fish, languageless, a monster. A plague of opinion! a man may wear it on both sides, like a leather jerkin. Achilles Thou must be my ambassador to him, Thersites. Thersites Who, I? why, he’ll answer nobody; he professes not answering: speaking is for beggars; he wears his tongue in’s arms. I will put on his presence: let Patroclus make demands to me, you shall see the pageant of Ajax. Achilles To him, Patroclus; tell him I humbly desire the valiant Ajax to invite the most valorous Hector to come unarmed to my tent, and to procure safe-conduct for his person of the magnanimous and most illustrious six-or-seven-times-honoured captain-general of the Grecian army, Agamemnon, et cetera. Do this. Patroclus Jove bless great Ajax! Thersites Hum! Patroclus I come from the worthy Achilles⁠— Thersites Ha! Patroclus Who most humbly desires you to invite Hector to his tent⁠— Thersites Hum! Patroclus And to procure safe-conduct from Agamemnon. Thersites Agamemnon! Patroclus Ay, my lord. Thersites Ha! Patroclus What say you to’t? Thersites God b’ wi’ you, with all my heart. Patroclus Your answer, sir. Thersites If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o’clock it will go one way or other: howsoever, he shall pay for me ere he has me. Patroclus Your answer, sir. Thersites Fare you well, with all my heart. Achilles Why, but he is not in this tune, is he? Thersites No, but he’s out o’ tune thus. What music will be in him when Hector has knocked out his brains, I know not; but, I am sure, none, unless the fiddler Apollo get his sinews to make catlings on. Achilles Come, thou shalt bear a letter to him straight. Thersites Let me bear another to his horse; for that’s the more capable creature. Achilles

My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirr’d;
And I myself see not the bottom of it. Exeunt Achilles and Patroclus.

Thersites Would the fountain of your mind were clear again, that I might water an ass at it! I had rather be a tick in a sheep than such a valiant ignorance. Exit.

Act IV

Scene I

Troy. A street.

	Enter, from one side, Aeneas, and Servant with a torch; from the other, Paris, Deiphobus, Antenor, Diomedes, and others, with torches.
Paris	See, ho! who is that there?
Deiphobus	It is the Lord Aeneas.
Aeneas	Is the prince there in person? Had I so good occasion to lie long As you, prince Paris, nothing but heavenly business Should rob my bed-mate of my company.
Diomedes	That’s my mind too. Good morrow, Lord Aeneas.
Paris	A valiant Greek, Aeneas⁠—take his hand⁠— Witness the process of your speech, wherein You told how Diomed, a whole week by days, Did haunt you in the field.
Aeneas	Health to you, valiant sir, During all question of the gentle truce; But when I meet you arm’d, as black defiance As heart can think or courage execute.
Diomedes	The one and other Diomed embraces. Our bloods are now in calm; and, so long, health! But when contention and occasion meet, By Jove, I’ll play the hunter for thy life With all my force, pursuit and policy.
Aeneas	And thou shalt hunt a lion, that will fly With his face backward. In humane gentleness, Welcome to Troy! now, by Anchises’ life, Welcome, indeed! By Venus’ hand I swear, No man alive can love in such a sort The thing he means to kill more excellently.
Diomedes	We sympathise: Jove, let Aeneas live, If to my sword his fate be not the glory, A thousand complete courses of the sun! But, in mine emulous honour, let him die, With every joint a wound, and that to-morrow!
Aeneas	We know each other well.
Diomedes	We do; and long to know each other worse.
Paris	This is the most despiteful gentle greeting, The noblest hateful love, that e’er I heard of. What business, lord, so early?
Aeneas	I was sent for to the king; but why, I know not.
Paris	His purpose meets you: ’twas to bring this Greek To Calchas’ house, and there to render him, For the enfreed Antenor, the fair Cressid: Let’s have your company, or, if you please, Haste there before us: I constantly do think⁠— Or rather, call my thought a certain knowledge⁠— My brother Troilus lodges there to-night: Rouse him and give him note of our approach, With the whole quality wherefore: I fear We shall be much unwelcome.
Aeneas	That I assure you: Troilus had rather Troy were borne to Greece Than Cressid borne from Troy.
Paris	There is no help; The bitter disposition of the time Will have it so. On, lord; we’ll follow you.
Aeneas	Good morrow, all. Exit with Servant.
Paris	And tell me, noble Diomed, faith, tell me true, Even in the soul of sound good-fellowship, Who, in your thoughts, merits fair Helen best, Myself or