Troilus and Cressida

Menelaus? Diomedes

Both alike:
He merits well to have her, that doth seek her,
Not making any scruple of her soilure,
With such a hell of pain and world of charge,
And you as well to keep her, that defend her,
Not palating the taste of her dishonour,
With such a costly loss of wealth and friends:
He, like a puling cuckold, would drink up
The lees and dregs of a flat tamed piece;
You, like a lecher, out of whorish loins
Are pleased to breed out your inheritors:
Both merits poised, each weighs nor less nor more;
But he as he, the heavier for a whore.

Paris You are too bitter to your countrywoman. Diomedes

She’s bitter to her country: hear me, Paris:
For every false drop in her bawdy veins
A Grecian’s life hath sunk; for every scruple
Of her contaminated carrion weight,
A Trojan hath been slain: since she could speak,
She hath not given so many good words breath
As for her Greeks and Trojans suffer’d death.

Paris

Fair Diomed, you do as chapmen do,
Dispraise the thing that you desire to buy:
But we in silence hold this virtue well,
We’ll but commend what we intend to sell.
Here lies our way. Exeunt.

Scene II

The same. Court of Pandarus’ house.

	Enter Troilus and Cressida.
Troilus	Dear, trouble not yourself: the morn is cold.
Cressida	Then, sweet my lord, I’ll call mine uncle down; He shall unbolt the gates.
Troilus	Trouble him not; To bed, to bed: sleep kill those pretty eyes, And give as soft attachment to thy senses As infants’ empty of all thought!
Cressida	Good morrow, then.
Troilus	I prithee now, to bed.
Cressida	Are you a-weary of me?
Troilus	O Cressida! but that the busy day, Waked by the lark, hath roused the ribald crows, And dreaming night will hide our joys no longer, I would not from thee.
Cressida	Night hath been too brief.
Troilus	Beshrew the witch! with venomous wights she stays As tediously as hell, but flies the grasps of love With wings more momentary-swift than thought. You will catch cold, and curse me.
Cressida	Prithee, tarry: You men will never tarry. O foolish Cressid! I might have still held off, And then you would have tarried. Hark! there’s one up.
Pandarus	Within. What, ’s all the doors open here?
Troilus	It is your uncle.
Cressida	A pestilence on him! now will he be mocking: I shall have such a life!
	Enter Pandarus.
Pandarus	How now, how now! how go maidenheads? Here, you maid! where’s my cousin Cressid?
Cressida	Go hang yourself, you naughty mocking uncle! You bring me to do, and then you flout me too.
Pandarus	To do what? to do what? let her say what: what have I brought you to do?
Cressida	Come, come, beshrew your heart! you’ll ne’er be good, Nor suffer others.
Pandarus	Ha! ha! Alas, poor wretch! ah, poor capocchia! hast not slept to-night? would he not, a naughty man, let it sleep? a bugbear take him!
Cressida	Did not I tell you? Would he were knock’d i’ the head! Knocking within. Who’s that at door? good uncle, go and see. My lord, come you again into my chamber: You smile and mock me, as if I meant naughtily.
Troilus	Ha, ha!
Cressida	Come, you are deceived, I think of no such thing. Knocking within. How earnestly they knock! Pray you, come in: I would not for half Troy have you seen here. Exeunt Troilus and Cressida.
Pandarus	Who’s there? what’s the matter? will you beat down the door? How now! what’s the matter?
	Enter Aeneas.
Aeneas	Good morrow, lord, good morrow.
Pandarus	Who’s there? my Lord Aeneas! By my troth, I knew you not: what news with you so early?
Aeneas	Is not Prince Troilus here?
Pandarus	Here! what should he do here?
Aeneas	Come, he is here, my lord; do not deny him: It doth import him much to speak with me.
Pandarus	Is he here, say you? ’tis more than I know, I’ll be sworn: for my own part, I came in late. What should he do here?
Aeneas	Who!⁠—nay, then: come, come, you’ll do him wrong ere you’re ware: you’ll be so true to him, to be false to him: do not you know of him, but yet go fetch him hither; go.
	Re-enter Troilus.
Troilus	How now! what’s the matter?
Aeneas	My lord, I scarce have leisure to salute you, My matter is so rash: there is at hand Paris your brother, and Deiphobus, The Grecian Diomed, and our Antenor Deliver’d to us; and for him forthwith, Ere the first sacrifice, within this hour, We must give up to Diomedes’ hand The Lady Cressida.
Troilus	Is it so concluded?
Aeneas	By Priam and the general state of Troy: They are at hand and ready to effect it.
Troilus	How my achievements mock me! I will go meet them: and, my Lord Aeneas, We met by chance; you did not find me here.
Aeneas	Good, good, my lord; the secrets of nature Have not more gift in taciturnity. Exeunt Troilus and Aeneas.
Pandarus	Is’t possible? no sooner got but lost? The devil take Antenor! the young prince will go mad: a plague upon Antenor! I would they had broke ’s neck!
	Re-enter Cressida.
Cressida	How now! what’s the matter? who was here?
Pandarus	Ah, ah!
Cressida	Why sigh you so profoundly? where’s my lord? gone! Tell me, sweet uncle, what’s the matter?
Pandarus	Would I were as deep under the earth as I am above!
Cressida	O the gods! what’s the matter?
Pandarus	Prithee, get thee in: would thou hadst ne’er been born! I knew thou wouldst be his death. O, poor gentleman! A plague upon Antenor!
Cressida	Good uncle, I beseech you, on my knees I beseech you, what’s the matter?
Pandarus	Thou must be gone, wench, thou must be gone; thou art changed for Antenor: thou must to thy father, and be gone from Troilus: ’twill be his death; ’twill be his bane; he cannot bear it.
Cressida	O you immortal gods! I will not go.
Pandarus	Thou must.
Cressida	I will not, uncle: I have forgot my father; I know no touch of consanguinity; No kin, no love, no blood, no soul so near me As the sweet Troilus. O you gods divine! Make Cressid’s name the very crown of falsehood, If ever she leave