Troilus and Cressida

drop of Grecian blood: the end crowns all,
And that old common arbitrator, Time,
Will one day end it. Ulysses

So to him we leave it.
Most gentle and most valiant Hector, welcome:
After the general, I beseech you next
To feast with me and see me at my tent.

Achilles

I shall forestall thee, Lord Ulysses, thou!
Now, Hector, I have fed mine eyes on thee;
I have with exact view perused thee, Hector,
And quoted joint by joint.

Hector Is this Achilles? Achilles I am Achilles. Hector Stand fair, I pray thee: let me look on thee. Achilles Behold thy fill. Hector Nay, I have done already. Achilles

Thou art too brief: I will the second time,
As I would buy thee, view thee limb by limb.

Hector

O, like a book of sport thou’lt read me o’er;
But there’s more in me than thou understand’st.
Why dost thou so oppress me with thine eye?

Achilles

Tell me, you heavens, in which part of his body
Shall I destroy him? whether there, or there, or there?
That I may give the local wound a name
And make distinct the very breach whereout
Hector’s great spirit flew: answer me, heavens!

Hector

It would discredit the blest gods, proud man,
To answer such a question: stand again:
Think’st thou to catch my life so pleasantly
As to prenominate in nice conjecture
Where thou wilt hit me dead?

Achilles I tell thee, yea. Hector

Wert thou an oracle to tell me so,
I’ld not believe thee. Henceforth guard thee well;
For I’ll not kill thee there, nor there, nor there;
But, by the forge that stithied Mars his helm,
I’ll kill thee every where, yea, o’er and o’er.
You wisest Grecians, pardon me this brag;
His insolence draws folly from my lips;
But I’ll endeavour deeds to match these words,
Or may I never⁠—

Ajax

Do not chafe thee, cousin:
And you, Achilles, let these threats alone,
Till accident or purpose bring you to’t:
You may have every day enough of Hector,
If you have stomach; the general state, I fear,
Can scarce entreat you to be odd with him.

Hector

I pray you, let us see you in the field:
We have had pelting wars, since you refused
The Grecians’ cause.

Achilles

Dost thou entreat me, Hector?
To-morrow do I meet thee, fell as death;
To-night all friends.

Hector Thy hand upon that match. Agamemnon

First, all you peers of Greece, go to my tent;
There in the full convive we: afterwards,
As Hector’s leisure and your bounties shall
Concur together, severally entreat him.
Beat loud the tabourines, let the trumpets blow,
That this great soldier may his welcome know. Exeunt all except Troilus and Ulysses.

Troilus

My Lord Ulysses, tell me, I beseech you,
In what place of the field doth Calchas keep?

Ulysses

At Menelaus’ tent, most princely Troilus:
There Diomed doth feast with him to-night;
Who neither looks upon the heaven nor earth,
But gives all gaze and bent of amorous view
On the fair Cressid.

Troilus

Shall I, sweet lord, be bound to you so much,
After we part from Agamemnon’s tent,
To bring me thither?

Ulysses

You shall command me, sir.
As gentle tell me, of what honour was
This Cressida in Troy? Had she no lover there
That wails her absence?

Troilus

O, sir, to such as boasting show their scars
A mock is due. Will you walk on, my lord?
She was beloved, she loved; she is, and doth:
But still sweet love is food for fortune’s tooth. Exeunt.

Act V

Scene I

The Grecian camp. Before Achilles’ tent.

	Enter Achilles and Patroclus.
Achilles	I’ll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night, Which with my scimitar I’ll cool to-morrow. Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
Patroclus	Here comes Thersites.
	Enter Thersites.
Achilles	How now, thou core of envy! Thou crusty batch of nature, what’s the news?
Thersites	Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol of idiot-worshippers, here’s a letter for thee.
Achilles	From whence, fragment?
Thersites	Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
Patroclus	Who keeps the tent now?
Thersites	The surgeon’s box, or the patient’s wound.
Patroclus	Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks?
Thersites	Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk: thou art thought to be Achilles’ male varlet.
Patroclus	Male varlet, you rogue! what’s that?
Thersites	Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads o’ gravel i’ the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, limekilns i’ the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!
Patroclus	Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest thou to curse thus?
Thersites	Do I curse thee?
Patroclus	Why, no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson indistinguishable cur, no.
Thersites	No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal’s purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!
Patroclus	Out, gall!
Thersites	Finch-egg!
Achilles	My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite From my great purpose in to-morrow’s battle. Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba, A token from her daughter, my fair love, Both taxing me and gaging me to keep An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it: Fall Greeks; fail fame; honour or go or stay; My major vow lies here, this I’ll obey. Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent: This night in banqueting must all be spent. Away, Patroclus! Exeunt Achilles and Patroclus.
Thersites	With too much blood and too little brain, these two may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too little blood they do, I’ll be a curer of madmen. Here’s Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull⁠—the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother’s leg⁠—to what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to? To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to an ox, were nothing; he is