She Stoops to Conquer

have mine. Hardcastle In one thing then we are agreed⁠—to reject him. Miss Hardcastle Yes⁠—but upon conditions. For if you should find him less impudent, and I more presuming; if you find him more respectful, and I more importunate⁠—I don’t know⁠—the fellow is well enough for a man⁠—Certainly, we don’t meet many such at a horse race in the country. Hardcastle If we should find him so⁠—But that’s impossible. The first appearance has done my business. I’m seldom deceived in that. Miss Hardcastle And yet there may be many good qualities under that first appearance. Hardcastle Ay, when a girl finds a fellow’s outside to her taste, she then sets about guessing the rest of his furniture. With her, a smooth face stands for good sense, and a genteel figure for every virtue. Miss Hardcastle I hope, sir, a conversation begun with a compliment to my good sense won’t end with a sneer at my understanding! Hardcastle Pardon me, Kate. But if young Mr. Brazen can find the art of reconciling contradictions, he may please us both, perhaps. Miss Hardcastle And as one of us must be mistaken, what if we go to make further discoveries? Hardcastle Agreed. But depend on’t I’m in the right. Miss Hardcastle And depend on’t, I’m not much in the wrong. Exeunt. Enter Tony, running in with a casket. Tony Ecod! I have got them. Here they are. My cousin Con’s necklaces, bobs and all. My mother shan’t cheat the poor souls out of their fortin neither. O! my genus, is that you? Enter Hastings. Hastings My dear friend, how have you managed with your mother? I hope you have amused her with pretending love for your cousin, and that you are willing to be reconciled at last? Our horses will be refreshed in a short time, and we shall soon be ready to set off. Tony And here’s something to bear your charges by the way; Giving the casket. your sweetheart’s jewels. Keep them: and hang those, I say, that would rob you of one of them. Hastings But how have you procured them from your mother? Tony Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs. I procured them by the rule of thumb. If I had not a key to every drawer in mother’s bureau, how could I go to the alehouse so often as I do? An honest man may rob himself of his own at any time. Hastings Thousands do it every day. But to be plain with you; Miss Neville is endeavouring to procure them from her aunt this very instant. If she succeeds, it will be the most delicate way at least of obtaining them. Tony Well, keep them, till you know how it will be. But I know how it will be well enough; she’d as soon part with the only sound tooth in her head. Hastings But I dread the effects of her resentment, when she finds she has lost them. Tony Never you mind her resentment; leave me to manage that. I don’t value her resentment the bounce of a cracker. Zounds! here they are. Morrice! Prance! Exit Hastings. Enter Mrs. Hardcastle and Miss Neville. Mrs. Hardcastle Indeed, Constance, you amaze me. Such a girl as you want jewels! It will be time enough for jewels, my dear, twenty years hence, when your beauty begins to want repairs. Miss Neville But what will repair beauty at forty, will certainly improve it at twenty, madam. Mrs. Hardcastle Yours, my dear, can admit of none. That natural blush is beyond a thousand ornaments. Besides, child, jewels are quite out at present. Don’t you see half the ladies of our acquaintance, my Lady Kill-daylight, and Mrs. Crump, and the rest of them, carry their jewels to town, and bring nothing but paste and marcasites back. Miss Neville But who knows, madam, but somebody that shall be nameless would like me best with all my little finery about me? Mrs. Hardcastle Consult your glass, my dear, and then see if, with such a pair of eyes, you want any better sparklers. What do you think, Tony, my dear? does your cousin Con want any jewels in your eyes to set off her beauty? Tony That’s as thereafter may be. Miss Neville My dear aunt, if you knew how it would oblige me. Mrs. Hardcastle A parcel of old-fashioned rose and table-cut things. They would make you look like the court of King Solomon at a puppet show. Besides, I believe, I can’t readily come at them. They may be missing, for aught I know to the contrary. Tony Apart to Mrs. Hardcastle. Then why don’t you tell her so at once, as she’s so longing for them? Tell her they’re lost. It’s the only way to quiet her. Say they’re lost, and call me to bear witness. Mrs. Hardcastle Apart to Tony. You know, my dear, I’m only keeping them for you. So if I say they’re gone, you’ll bear me witness, will you? He! he! he! Tony Never fear me. Ecod! I’ll say I saw them taken out with my own eyes. Miss Neville I desire them but for a day, madam. Just to be permitted to show them as relics, and then they may be locked up again. Mrs. Hardcastle To be plain with you, my dear Constance, if I could find them you should have them. They’re missing, I assure you. Lost, for aught I know; but we must have patience wherever they are. Miss Neville I’ll not believe it! this is but a shallow pretence to deny me. I know they are too valuable to be so slightly kept, and as you are to answer for the loss⁠— Mrs. Hardcastle Don’t be alarmed, Constance. If they be lost, I must restore an equivalent. But my son knows they are missing, and not to be found. Tony That I can bear witness to. They are missing, and not to be found; I’ll take my oath on’t. Mrs. Hardcastle You must learn resignation, my dear; for though we lose our fortune, yet we should not lose our patience. See me, how calm