you who have seen so much of the world, with your natural good sense, and your many opportunities, could never yet acquire a requisite share of assurance.
Marlow
The Englishman’s malady. But tell me, George, where could I have learned that assurance you talk of? My life has been chiefly spent in a college or an inn, in seclusion from that lovely part of the creation that chiefly teach men confidence. I don’t know that I was ever familiarly acquainted with a single modest woman, except my mother. But among females of another class, you know—
Hastings
Ay, among them you are impudent enough of all conscience.
Marlow
They are of us, you know.
Hastings
But in the company of women of reputation I never saw such an idiot, such a trembler; you look for all the world as if you wanted an opportunity of stealing out of the room.
Marlow
Why, man, that’s because I do want to steal out of the room. Faith, I have often formed a resolution to break the ice, and rattle away at any rate. But I don’t know how, a single glance from a pair of fine eyes has totally overset my resolution. An impudent fellow may counterfeit modesty; but I’ll be hanged if a modest man can ever counterfeit impudence.
Hastings
If you could but say half the fine things to them that I have heard you lavish upon the barmaid of an inn, or even a college bed-maker—
Marlow
Why, George, I can’t say fine things to them; they freeze, they petrify me. They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but, to me, a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object of the whole creation.
Hastings
Ha! ha! ha! At this rate, man, how can you ever expect to marry?
Marlow
Never; unless, as among kings and princes, my bride were to be courted by proxy. If, indeed, like an Eastern bridegroom, one were to be introduced to a wife he never saw before, it might be endured. But to go through all the terrors of a formal courtship, together with the episode of aunts, grandmothers, and cousins, and at last to blurt out the broad staring question of “Madam, will you marry me?” No, no, that’s a strain much above me, I assure you.
Hastings
I pity you. But how do you intend behaving to the lady you are come down to visit at the request of your father?
Marlow
As I behave to all other ladies. Bow very low, answer yes or no to all her demands. But for the rest, I don’t think I shall venture to look in her face till I see my father’s again.
Hastings
I’m surprised that one who is so warm a friend can be so cool a lover.
Marlow
To be explicit, my dear Hastings, my chief inducement down was to be instrumental in forwarding your happiness, not my own. Miss Neville loves you, the family don’t know you; as my friend you are sure of a reception, and let honour do the rest.
Hastings
My dear Marlow! But I’ll suppress the emotion. Were I a wretch, meanly seeking to carry off a fortune, you should be the last man in the world I would apply to for assistance. But Miss Neville’s person is all I ask, and that is mine, both from her deceased father’s consent, and her own inclination.
Marlow
Happy man! you have talents and art to captivate any woman. I’m doomed to adore the sex, and yet to converse with the only part of it I despise. This stammer in my address, and this awkward prepossessing visage of mine, can never permit me to soar above the reach of a milliner’s ’prentice, or one of the Duchesses of Drury Lane. Pshaw! this fellow here to interrupt us.
Enter Hardcastle.
Hardcastle
Gentlemen, once more you are heartily welcome. Which is Mr. Marlow? Sir, you are heartily welcome. It’s not my way, you see, to receive my friends with my back to the fire. I like give them a hearty reception in the old style at my gate. I like to see their horses and trunks taken care of.
Marlow
Aside. He has got our names from the servants already. To him. We approve your caution and hospitality, sir. To Hastings. I have been thinking, George, of changing our travelling dresses in the morning. I am grown confoundedly ashamed of mine.
Hardcastle
I beg, Mr. Marlow, you’ll use no ceremony in this house.
Hastings
I fancy, Charles, you’re right: the first blow is half the battle. I intend opening the campaign with the white and gold.
Hardcastle
Mr. Marlow—Mr. Hastings—gentlemen—pray be under no constraint in this house. This is Liberty Hall, gentlemen. You may do just as you please here.
Marlow
Yet, George, if we open the campaign too fiercely at first, we may want ammunition before it is over. I think to reserve the embroidery to secure a retreat.
Hardcastle
Your talking of a retreat, Mr. Marlow, puts me in mind of the Duke of Marlborough, when we went to besiege Denain. He first summoned the garrison—
Marlow
Don’t you think the ventre d’or waistcoat will do with the plain brown?
Hardcastle
He first summoned the garrison, which might consist of about five thousand men—
Hastings
I think not: brown and yellow mix but very poorly.
Hardcastle
I say, gentlemen, as I was telling you, be summoned the garrison, which might consist of about five thousand men—
Marlow
The girls like finery.
Hardcastle
Which might consist of about five thousand men, well appointed with stores, ammunition, and other implements of war. “Now,” says the Duke of Marlborough to George Brooks, that stood next to him—you must have heard of George Brooks—“I’ll pawn my dukedom,” says he, “but I take that garrison without spilling a drop of blood.” So—
Marlow
What, my good friend, if you gave us a glass of punch in the meantime; it would help us to carry on the siege with vigour.
Hardcastle
Punch, sir!
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