Getting Married

of this: it’s dangerous. Aloud to her. May I suggest that you shall be Anthony’s devil and the Bishop’s saint and my adored Polly? Slipping behind her, he picks up her hand from her lap and kisses it over her shoulder. Mrs. George Waking. What was that? Who kissed my hand? To the Bishop, eagerly. Was it you? He shakes his head. She is mortified. I beg your pardon. The Bishop Not at all. I’m not repudiating that honor. Allow me. He kisses her hand. Mrs. George Thank you for that. It was not the sexton, was it? Soames I! Hotchkiss It was I, Polly, your ever faithful. Mrs. George Turning and seeing him. Let me catch you doing it again: that’s all. How do you come there? I sent you away. With great energy, becoming quite herself again. What the goodness gracious has been happening? Hotchkiss As far as I can make out, you have been having a very charming and eloquent sort of fit. Mrs. George Delighted. What! My second sight! To the Bishop. Oh, how I have prayed that it might come to me if ever I met you! And now it has come. How stunning! You may believe every word I said: I can’t remember it now; but it was something that was just bursting to be said; and so it laid hold of me and said itself. That’s how it is, you see. Edith and Cecil Sykes come in through the tower. She has her hat on. Leo follows. They have evidently been out together. Sykes, with an unnatural air, half foolish, half rakish, as if he had lost all his self-respect and were determined not to let it prey on his spirits, throws himself into a chair at the end of the table near the hearth and thrusts his hands into his pockets, like Hogarth’s Rake, without waiting for Edith to sit down. She sits in the railed chair. Leo takes the chair nearest the tower on the long side of the table, brooding, with closed lips. The Bishop Have you been out, my dear? Edith Yes. The Bishop With Cecil? Edith Yes. The Bishop Have you come to an understanding? No reply. Blank silence. Sykes You had better tell them, Edie. Edith Tell them yourself. The General comes in from the garden. The General Coming forward to the table. Can anybody oblige me with some tobacco? I’ve finished mine; and my nerves are still far from settled. The Bishop Wait a moment, Boxer. Cecil has something important to tell us. Sykes We’ve done it. That’s all. Hotchkiss Done what, Cecil? Sykes Well, what do you suppose? Edith Got married, of course. The General Married! Who gave you away? Sykes Jerking his head towards the tower. This gentleman did. Seeing that they do not understand, he looks round and sees that there is no one there. Oh! I thought he came in with us. He’s gone downstairs, I suppose. The Beadle. The General The Beadle! What the devil did he do that for? Sykes Oh, I don’t know: I didn’t make any bargain with him. To Mrs. George. How much ought I to give him, Mrs. Collins? Mrs. George Five shillings. To the Bishop. I want to rest for a moment: there! in your study. I saw it here. She touches her forehead. The Bishop Opening the study door for her. By all means. Turn my brother out if he disturbs you. Soames: bring the letters out here. Sykes He won’t be offended at my offering it, will he? Mrs. George Not he! He touches children with the mace to cure them of ringworm for fourpence apiece. She goes into the study. Soames follows her. The General Well, Edith, I’m a little disappointed, I must say. However, I’m glad it was done by somebody in a public uniform. Mrs. Bridgenorth and Lesbia come in through the tower. Mrs. Bridgenorth makes for the Bishop. He goes to her, and they meet near the oak chest. Lesbia comes between Sykes and Edith. The Bishop Alice, my love, they’re married. Mrs. Bridgenorth Placidly. Oh, well, that’s all right. Better tell Collins. Soames comes back from the study with his writing materials. He seats himself at the nearest end of the table and goes on with his work. Hotchkiss sits down in the next chair round the table corner, with his back to him. Lesbia You have both given in, have you? Edith Not at all. We have provided for everything. Soames How? Edith Before going to the church, we went to the office of that insurance company⁠—what’s its name, Cecil? Sykes The British Family Insurance Corporation. It insures you against poor relations and all sorts of family contingencies. Edith It has consented to insure Cecil against libel actions brought against him on my account. It will give us specially low terms because I am a Bishop’s daughter. Sykes And I have given Edie my solemn word that if I ever commit a crime I’ll knock her down before a witness and go off to Brighton with another lady. Lesbia That’s what you call providing for everything! She goes to the middle of the table on the garden side and sits down. Leo Do make him see there are no worms before he knocks you down, Edith. Where’s Rejjy? Reginald Coming in from the study. Here. What’s the matter? Leo Springing up and flouncing round to him. What’s the matter! You may well ask. While Edie and Cecil were at the insurance office I took a taxi and went off to your lodgings; and a nice mess I found everything in. Your clothes are in a disgraceful state. Your liver pad has been made into a kettle-holder. You’re no more fit to be left to yourself than a one-year old baby. Reginald Oh, I can’t be bothered looking after things like that. I’m all right. Leo You’re not: you’re a disgrace. You never consider that you’re a disgrace to me: