Getting Married

you think only of yourself. You must come home with me and be taken proper care of: my conscience will not allow me to let you live like a pig. She arranges his necktie. You must stay with me until I marry St. John; and then we can adopt you or something. Reginald Breaking loose from her and stumping off past Hotchkiss towards the hearth. No, I’m dashed if I’ll be adopted by St. John. You can adopt him if you like. Hotchkiss Rising. I suggest that that would really be the better plan, Leo. I’ve a confession to make to you. I’m not the man you took me for. Your objection to Rejjy was that he had low tastes. Reginald Turning. Was it? by George! Leo I said slovenly habits. I never thought he had really low tastes until I saw that woman in court. How he could have chosen such a creature and let her write to him after⁠— Reginald Is this fair? I never⁠— Hotchkiss Of course you didn’t, Rejjy. Don’t be silly, Leo. It’s I who really have low tastes. Leo You! Hotchkiss I’ve fallen in love with a coal merchant’s wife. I adore her. I would rather have one of her bootlaces than a lock of your hair. He folds his arms and stands like a rock. Reginald You damned scoundrel, how dare you throw my wife over like that before my face? He seems on the point of assaulting Hotchkiss when Leo gets between them and draws Reginald away towards the study door. Leo Don’t take any notice of him, Rejjy. Go at once and get that odious decree demolished or annulled or whatever it is. Tell Sir Gorell Barnes that I have changed my mind. To Hotchkiss. I might have known that you were too clever to be really a gentleman. She takes Reginald away to the oak chest and seats him there. He chuckles. Hotchkiss resumes his seat, brooding. The Bishop All the problems appear to be solving themselves. Lesbia Except mine. The General But, my dear Lesbia, you see what has happened here today. Coming a little nearer and bending his face towards hers. Now I put it to you, does it not show you the folly of not marrying? Lesbia No: I can’t say it does. And rising you have been smoking again. The General You drive me to it, Lesbia. I can’t help it. Lesbia Standing behind her chair with her hands on the back of it and looking radiant. Well, I won’t scold you today. I feel in particularly good humor just now. Tie General May I ask why, Lesbia? Lesbia Drawing a large breath. To think that after all the dangers of the morning I am still unmarried! still independent! still my own mistress! still a glorious strong-minded old maid of old England! Soames silently springs up and makes a long stretch from his end of the table to shake her hand across it. The General Do you find any real happiness in being your own mistress? Would it not be more generous⁠—would you not be happier as someone else’s mistress⁠— Lesbia Boxer! The General Rising, horrified. No, no, you must know, my dear Lesbia, that I was not using the word in its improper sense. I am sometimes unfortunate in my choice of expressions; but you know what I mean. I feel sure you would be happier as my wife. Lesbia I daresay I should, in a frowsty sort of way. But I prefer my dignity and my independence. I’m afraid I think this rage for happiness rather vulgar. The General Oh, very well, Lesbia. I shall not ask you again. He sits down huffily. Lesbia You will, Boxer; but it will be no use. She also sits down again and puts her hand almost affectionately on his. Some day I hope to make a friend of you; and then we shall get on very nicely. The General Starting up again. Ha! I think you are hard, Lesbia. I shall make a fool of myself if I remain here. Alice: I shall go into the garden for a while. Collins Appearing in the tower. I think everything is in order now, ma’am. The General Going to him. Oh, by the way, could you oblige me⁠—The rest of the sentence is lost in a whisper. Collins Certainly, General. He takes out a tobacco pouch and hands it to the General, who takes it and goes into the garden. Lesbia I don’t believe there’s a man in England who really and truly loves his wife as much as he loves his pipe. The Bishop By the way, what has happened to the wedding party? Sykes I don’t know. There wasn’t a soul in the church when we were married except the pew opener and the curate who did the job. Edith They had all gone home. Mrs. Bridgenorth But the bridesmaids? Collins Me and the beadle have been all over the place in a couple of taxis, ma’am; and weve collected them all. They were a good deal disappointed on account of their dresses, and thought it rather irregular; but they’ve agreed to come to the breakfast. The truth is, they’re wild with curiosity to know how it all happened. The organist held on until the organ was nigh worn out, and himself worse than the organ. He asked me particularly to tell you, my lord, that he held back Mendelssohn till the very last; but when that was gone he thought he might as well go too. So he played “God Save The King” and cleared out the church. He’s coming to the breakfast to explain. Leo Please remember, Collins, that there is no truth whatever in the rumor that I am separated from my husband, or that there is, or ever has been, anything between me and Mr. Hotchkiss. Collins Bless you, ma’am! one could always see that. To Mrs. Bridgenorth. Will you receive here or in the hall, ma’am? Mrs. Bridgenorth In the