Misalliance

am sorry to say. Lina That is because you do not know how to read it. Put it up before you on a stand; and open it at the Psalms. When you can read them and understand them, quite quietly and happily, and keep six balls in the air all the time, you are in perfect condition; and you’ll never make a mistake that evening. If you find you can’t do that, then go and pray until you can. And be very careful that evening. Lord Summerhays Is that the usual form of test in your profession? Lina Nothing that we Szczepanowskis do is usual, my lord. Lord Summerhays Are you all so wonderful? Lina It is our profession to be wonderful. Lord Summerhays Do you never condescend to do as common people do? For instance, do you not pray as common people pray? Lina Common people do not pray, my lord: they only beg. Lord Summerhays You never ask for anything? Lina No. Lord Summerhays Then why do you pray? Lina To remind myself that I have a soul. Tarleton Walking about. True. Fine. Good. Beautiful. All this damned materialism: what good is it to anybody? I’ve got a soul: don’t tell me I haven’t. Cut me up and you can’t find it. Cut up a steam engine and you can’t find the steam. But, by George, it makes the engine go. Say what you will, Summerhays, the divine spark is a fact. Lord Summerhays Have I denied it? Tarleton Our whole civilization is a denial of it. Read Walt Whitman. Lord Summerhays I shall go to the billiard room and get the balls for you. Lina Thank you. Lord Summerhays goes out through the vestibule door. Tarleton Going to her. Listen to me. She turns quickly. What you said just now was beautiful. You touch chords. You appeal to the poetry in a man. You inspire him. Come now! You’re a woman of the world: you’re independent: you must have driven lots of men crazy. You know the sort of man I am, don’t you? See through me at a glance, eh? Lina Yes. She sits down quietly in the chair Lord Summerhays has just left. Tarleton Good. Well, do you like me? Don’t misunderstand me: I’m perfectly aware that you’re not going to fall in love at first sight with a ridiculous old shopkeeper. I can’t help that ridiculous old shopkeeper. I have to carry him about with me whether I like it or not. I have to pay for his clothes, though I hate the cut of them: especially the waistcoat. I have to look at him in the glass while I’m shaving. I loathe him because he’s a living lie. My soul’s not like that: it’s like yours. I want to make a fool of myself. About you. Will you let me? Lina Very calm. How much will you pay? Tarleton Nothing. But I’ll throw as many sovereigns as you like into the sea to show you that I’m in earnest. Lina Are those your usual terms? Tarleton No. I never made that bid before. Lina Producing a dainty little book and preparing to write in it. What did you say your name was? Tarleton John Tarleton. The great John Tarleton of Tarleton’s Underwear. Lina Writing. T-a-r-l-e-t-o-n. Er⁠—? She looks up at him inquiringly. Tarleton Promptly. Fifty-eight. Lina Thank you. I keep a list of all my offers. I like to know what I’m considered worth. Tarleton Let me look. Lina Offering the book to him. It’s in Polish. Tarleton That’s no good. Is mine the lowest offer? Lina No: the highest. Tarleton What do most of them come to? Diamonds? Motor cars? Furs? Villa at Monte Carlo? Lina Oh yes: all that. And sometimes the devotion of a lifetime. Tarleton Fancy that! A young man offering a woman his old age as a temptation! Lina By the way, you did not say how long. Tarleton Until you get tired of me. Lina Or until you get tired of me? Tarleton I never get tired. I never go on long enough for that. But when it becomes so grand, so inspiring that I feel that everything must be an anticlimax after that, then I run away. Lina Does she let you go without a struggle? Tarleton Yes. Glad to get rid of me. When love takes a man as it takes me⁠—when it makes him great⁠—it frightens a woman. Lina The lady here is your wife, isn’t she? Don’t you care for her? Tarleton Yes. And mind! she comes first always. I reserve her dignity even when I sacrifice my own. You’ll respect that point of honor, won’t you? Lina Only a point of honor? Tarleton Impulsively. No, by God! a point of affection as well. Lina Smiling, pleased with him. Shake hands, old pal. She rises and offers him her hand frankly. Tarleton Giving his hand rather dolefully. Thanks. That means no, doesn’t it? Lina It means something that will last longer than yes. I like you. I admit you to my friendship. What a pity you were not trained when you were young! You’d be young still. Tarleton I suppose, to an athlete like you, I’m pretty awful, eh? Lina Shocking. Tarleton Too much crumb. Wrinkles. Yellow patches that won’t come off. Short wind. I know. I’m ashamed of myself. I could do nothing on the high rope. Lina Oh yes: I could put you in a wheelbarrow and run you along, two hundred feet up. Tarleton Shuddering. Ugh! Well, I’d do even that for you. Read The Master Builder. Lina Have you learnt everything from books? Tarleton Well, have you learnt everything from the flying trapeze? Lina On the flying trapeze there is often another woman; and her life is in your hands every night and your life in hers. Tarleton Lina: I’m going to make a fool of myself. I’m going to cry. He crumples into the nearest chair. Lina Pray instead: don’t cry. Why should you cry? You’re not the first I’ve said no to. Tarleton If you had said yes, should I have been the first then? Lina What right have you