Misalliance

as free as men. I’m a fool. I’m so full of your bourgeois morality that I let myself be shocked by the application of my own revolutionary principles. If she likes the man why shouldn’t she tell him so? Mrs. Tarleton I do wonder at you, John, letting him talk like this before everybody. Turning rather tartly to Lina. Would you mind going away to the drawing-room just for a few minutes, Miss Chipenoska. This is a private family matter, if you don’t mind. Lina I should have gone before, Mrs. Tarleton, if there had been anyone to protect Mr. Tarleton and the young gentleman. Tarleton You’re quite right, Miss Lina: you must stand by. I could have tackled him this morning; but since you put me through those exercises I’d rather die than even shake hands with a man, much less fight him. Gunner It’s all of a piece here. The men effeminate, the women unsexed⁠— Tarleton Don’t begin again, old chap. Keep it for Trafalgar Square. Hypatia’s Voice Outside No, no. She breaks off in a stifled half laugh, half scream, and is seen darting across the garden with Percival in hot pursuit. Immediately afterwards she appears again, and runs into the pavilion. Finding it full of people, including a stranger, she stops; but Percival, flushed and reckless, rushes in and seizes her before he, too, realizes that they are not alone. He releases her in confusion. Dead silence. They are all afraid to look at one another except Mrs. Tarleton, who stares sternly at Hypatia. Hypatia is the first to recover her presence of mind. Hypatia Excuse me rushing in like this. Mr. Percival has been chasing me down the hill. Gunner Who chased him up it? Don’t be ashamed. Be fearless. Be truthful. Tarleton Gunner: will you go to Paris for a fortnight? I’ll pay your expenses. Hypatia What do you mean? Gunner There was a silent witness in the Turkish bath. Tarleton I found him hiding there. Whatever went on here, he saw and heard. That’s what he means. Percival Sternly approaching Gunner, and speaking with deep but contained indignation. Am I to understand you as daring to put forward the monstrous and blackguardly lie that this lady behaved improperly in my presence? Gunner Turning white. You know what I saw and heard. Hypatia, with a gleam of triumph in her eyes, slips noiselessly into the swing chair, and watches Percival and Gunner, swinging slightly, but otherwise motionless. Percival I hope it is not necessary for me to assure you all that there is not one word of truth⁠—not one grain of substance⁠—in this rascally calumny, which no man with a spark of decent feeling would have uttered even if he had been ignorant enough to believe it. Miss Tarleton’s conduct, since I have had the honor of knowing her, has been, I need hardly say, in every respect beyond reproach. To Gunner. As for you, sir, you’ll have the goodness to come out with me immediately. I have some business with you which can’t be settled in Mrs. Tarleton’s presence or in her house. Gunner Painfully frightened. Why should I go out with you? Percival Because I intend that you shall. Gunner I won’t be bullied by you. Percival makes a threatening step towards him. Police! He tries to bolt; but Percival seizes him. Leave me go, will you? What right have you to lay hands on me? Tarleton Let him run for it, Mr. Percival. He’s very poor company. We shall be well rid of him. Let him go. Percival Not until he has taken back and made the fullest apology for the abominable lie he has told. He shall do that or he shall defend himself as best he can against the most thorough thrashing I’m capable of giving him. Releasing Gunner, but facing him ominously. Take your choice. Which is it to be? Gunner Give me a fair chance. Go and stick at a desk from nine to six for a month, and let me have your grub and your sport and your lessons in boxing, and I’ll fight you fast enough. You know I’m no good or you daren’t bully me like this. Percival You should have thought of that before you attacked a lady with a dastardly slander. I’m waiting for your decision. I’m rather in a hurry, please. Gunner I never said anything against the lady. Mrs. Tarleton Oh, listen to that! Bentley What a liar! Hypatia Oh! Tarleton Oh, come! Percival We’ll have it in writing, if you don’t mind. Pointing to the writing table. Sit down; and take that pen in your hand. Gunner looks irresolutely a little way round; then obeys. Now write. “I,” whatever your name is⁠— Gunner After a vain attempt. I can’t. My hand’s shaking too much. You see it’s no use. I’m doing my best. I can’t. Percival Mr. Summerhays will write it: you can sign it. Bentley Insolently to Gunner. Get up. Gunner obeys; and Bentley, shouldering him aside towards Percival, takes his place and prepares to write. Percival What’s your name? Gunner John Brown. Tarleton Oh come! Couldn’t you make it Horace Smith? or Algernon Robinson? Gunner Agitatedly. But my name is John Brown. There are really John Browns. How can I help it if my name’s a common one? Bentley Show us a letter addressed to you. Gunner How can I? I never get any letters: I’m only a clerk. I can show you J. B. on my handkerchief. He takes out a not very clean one. Bentley With disgust. Oh, put it up again. Let it go at John Brown. Percival Where do you live? Gunner 4 Chesterfield Parade, Kentish Town, N.W. Percival Dictating. I, John Brown, of 4 Chesterfield Parade, Kentish Town, do hereby voluntarily confess that on the 31st May 1909 I⁠—To Tarleton. What did he do exactly? Tarleton Dictating.⁠—I trespassed on the land of John Tarleton at Hindhead, and effected an