Misalliance

that’s naughty. You shouldn’t say that before me. Gunner I would cut my tongue out sooner than say anything vulgar in your presence; for I regard you with respect and affection. I was not swearing. I was affirming my manhood. Mrs. Tarleton What an idea! What puts all these things into your head? Gunner Oh, don’t you think, because I’m a clerk, that I’m not one of the intellectuals. I’m a reading man, a thinking man. I read in a book⁠—a high class six shilling book⁠—this precept: Affirm your manhood. It appealed to me. I’ve always remembered it. I believe in it. I feel I must do it to recover your respect after my cowardly behavior. Therefore I affirm it in your presence. I tell that man who insulted me that I don’t give a damn for him. And neither I do. Tarleton I say, Summerhays: did you have chaps of this sort in Jinghiskahn? Lord Summerhays Oh yes: they exist everywhere: they are a most serious modern problem. Gunner Yes. You’re right. Conceitedly. I’m a problem. And I tell you that when we clerks realize that we’re problems! well, look out: that’s all. Lord Summerhays Suavely, to Gunner. You read a great deal, you say? Gunner I’ve read more than any man in this room, if the truth were known, I expect. That’s what’s going to smash up your Capitalism. The problems are beginning to read. Ha! We’re free to do that here in England. What would you do with me in Jinghiskahn if you had me there? Lord Summerhays Well, since you ask me so directly, I’ll tell you. I should take advantage of the fact that you have neither sense enough nor strength enough to know how to behave yourself in a difficulty of any sort. I should warn an intelligent and ambitious policeman that you are a troublesome person. The intelligent and ambitious policeman would take an early opportunity of upsetting your temper by ordering you to move on, and treading on your heels until you were provoked into obstructing an officer in the discharge of his duty. Any trifle of that sort would be sufficient to make a man like you lose your self-possession and put yourself in the wrong. You would then be charged and imprisoned until things quieted down. Gunner And you call that justice! Lord Summerhays No. Justice was not my business. I had to govern a province; and I took the necessary steps to maintain order in it. Men are not governed by justice, but by law or persuasion. When they refuse to be governed by law or persuasion, they have to be governed by force or fraud, or both. I used both when law and persuasion failed me. Every ruler of men since the world began has done so, even when he has hated both fraud and force as heartily as I do. It is as well that you should know this, my young friend; so that you may recognize in time that anarchism is a game at which the police can beat you. What have you to say to that? Gunner What have I to say to it! Well, I call it scandalous: that’s what I have to say to it. Lord Summerhays Precisely: that’s all anybody has to say to it, except the British public, which pretends not to believe it. And now let me ask you a sympathetic personal question. Haven’t you a headache? Gunner Well, since you ask me, I have. I’ve overexcited myself. Mrs. Tarleton Poor lad! No wonder, after all you’ve gone through! You want to eat a little and to lie down. You come with me. I want you to tell me about your poor dear mother and about yourself. Come along with me. She leads the way to the inner door. Gunner Following her obediently. Thank you kindly, madam. She goes out. Before passing out after her, he partly closes the door and stops an the landing for a moment to say, Mind: I’m not knuckling down to any man here. I knuckle down to Mrs. Tarleton because she’s a woman in a thousand. I affirm my manhood all the same. Understand: I don’t give a damn for the lot of you. He hurries out, rather afraid of the consequences of this defiance, which has provoked Johnny to an impatient movement towards him. Hypatia Thank goodness he’s gone! Oh, what a bore! What a bore!!! Talk, talk, talk! Tarleton Patsy: it’s no good. We’re going to talk. And we’re going to talk about you. Johnny It’s no use shirking it, Pat. We’d better know where we are. Lord Summerhays Come, Miss Tarleton. Won’t you sit down? I’m very tired of standing. Hypatia comes from the pavilion and takes a chair at the worktable. Lord Summerhays takes the opposite chair, on her right. Percival takes the chair Johnny placed for Lina on her arrival. Tarleton sits down at the end of the writing table. Johnny remains standing. Lord Summerhays continues, with a sigh of relief at being seated. We shall now get the change of subject we are all pining for. Johnny Puzzled. What’s that? Lord Summerhays The great question. The question that men and women will spend hours over without complaining. The question that occupies all the novel readers and all the playgoers. The question they never get tired of. Johnny But what question? Lord Summerhays The question which particular young man some young woman will mate with. Percival As if it mattered! Hypatia Sharply. What’s that you said? Percival I said: As if it mattered. Hypatia I call that ungentlemanly. Percival Do you care about that? you who are so magnificently unladylike! Johnny Look here, Mr. Percival: you’re not supposed to insult my sister. Hypatia Oh, shut up, Johnny. I can take care of myself. Don’t you interfere. Johnny Oh, very well. If you choose to give yourself away like that⁠—to allow a man to call you unladylike and then to be unladylike, I’ve nothing more to say. Hypatia I think Mr. Percival is most