Misalliance

but, by George, it’s lucky for you you were not my son. I don’t hold with my own father’s views about corporal punishment being wrong. It’s necessary for some people; and I’d have tried it on you until you first learnt to howl and then to behave yourself. Bentley Contemptuously. Yes: behavior wouldn’t come naturally to your son, would it? Johnny Stung into sudden violence. Now you keep a civil tongue in your head. I’ll stand none of your snobbery. I’m just as proud of Tarleton’s Underwear as you are of your father’s title and his K.C.B., and all the rest of it. My father began in a little hole of a shop in Leeds no bigger than our pantry down the passage there. He⁠— Bentley Oh yes: I know. I’ve read it. The Romance of Business, or the Story of Tarleton’s Underwear. Please Take One! I took one the day after I first met Hypatia. I went and bought half a dozen unshrinkable vests for her sake. Johnny Well: did they shrink? Bentley Oh, don’t be a fool. Johnny Never mind whether I’m a fool or not. Did they shrink? That’s the point. Were they worth the money? Bentley I couldn’t wear them: do you think my skin’s as thick as your customers’ hides? I’d as soon have dressed myself in a nutmeg grater. Johnny Pity your father didn’t give your thin skin a jolly good lacing with a cane⁠—! Bentley Pity you haven’t got more than one idea! If you want to know, they did try that on me once, when I was a small kid. A silly governess did it. I yelled fit to bring down the house and went into convulsions and brain fever and that sort of thing for three weeks. So the old girl got the sack; and serve her right! After that, I was let do what I like. My father didn’t want me to grow up a broken-spirited spaniel, which is your idea of a man, I suppose. Johnny Jolly good thing for you that my father made you come into the office and show what you were made of. And it didn’t come to much: let me tell you that. When the Governor asked me where I thought we ought to put you, I said, “Make him the Office Boy.” The Governor said you were too green. And so you were. Bentley I daresay. So would you be pretty green if you were shoved into my father’s set. I picked up your silly business in a fortnight. You’ve been at it ten years; and you haven’t picked it up yet. Johnny Don’t talk rot, child. You know you simply make me pity you. Bentley Romance of Business indeed! The real romance of Tarleton’s business is the story that you understand anything about it. You never could explain any mortal thing about it to me when I asked you. “See what was done the last time”: that was the beginning and the end of your wisdom. You’re nothing but a turnspit. Johnny A what! Bentley A turnspit. If your father hadn’t made a roasting jack for you to turn, you’d be earning twenty-four shillings a week behind a counter. Johnny If you don’t take that back and apologize for your bad manners, I’ll give you as good a hiding as ever⁠— Bentley Help! Johnny’s beating me! Oh! Murder! He throws himself on the ground, uttering piercing yells. Johnny Don’t be a fool. Stop that noise, will you. I’m not going to touch you. Sh⁠—sh⁠— Hypatia rushes in through the inner door, followed by Mrs. Tarleton, and throws herself on her knees by Bentley. Mrs. Tarleton, whose knees are stiffer, bends over him and tries to lift him. Mrs. Tarleton is a shrewd and motherly old lady who has been pretty in her time, and is still very pleasant and likeable and unaffected. Hypatia is a typical English girl of a sort never called typical: that is, she has an opaque white skin, black hair, large dark eyes with black brows and lashes, curved lips, swift glances and movements that flash out of a waiting stillness, boundless energy and audacity held in leash. Hypatia Pouncing on Bentley with no very gentle hand. Bentley: what’s the matter? Don’t cry like that: what’s the use? What’s happened? Mrs. Tarleton Are you ill, child? They get him up. There, there, pet! It’s all right: don’t cry: They put him into a chair. there! there! there! Johnny will go for the doctor; and he’ll give you something nice to make it well. Hypatia What has happened, Johnny? Mrs. Tarleton Was it a wasp? Bentley Impatiently. Wasp be dashed! Mrs. Tarleton Oh Bunny! that was a naughty word. Bentley Yes, I know: I beg your pardon. He rises, and extricates himself from them. That’s all right. Johnny frightened me. You know how easy it is to hurt me; and I’m too small to defend myself against Johnny. Mrs. Tarleton Johnny: how often have I told you that you must not bully the little ones. I thought you’d outgrown all that. Hypatia Angrily. I do declare, mamma, that Johnny’s brutality makes it impossible to live in the house with him. Johnny Deeply hurt. It’s twenty-seven years, mother, since you had that row with me for licking Robert and giving Hypatia a black eye because she bit me. I promised you then that I’d never raise my hand to one of them again; and I’ve never broken my word. And now because this young whelp begins to cry out before he’s hurt, you treat me as if I were a brute and a savage. Mrs. Tarleton No dear, not a savage; but you know you must not call our visitor naughty names. Bentley Oh, let him alone⁠— Johnny Fiercely. Don’t you interfere between my mother and me: d’y’ hear? Hypatia Johnny’s lost his temper, mother. We’d better go. Come, Bentley. Mrs. Tarleton Yes: that will be best. To Bentley. Johnny doesn’t mean any harm, dear: he’ll be himself presently.