Misalliance

Come. The two ladies go out through the inner door with Bentley, who turns at the door to grin at Johnny as he goes out. Johnny, left alone, clenches his fists and grinds his teeth, but can find no relief in that way for his rage. After choking and stamping for a moment, he makes for the vestibule door. It opens before he reaches it; and Lord Summerhays comes in. Johnny glares at him, speechless. Lord Summerhays takes in the situation, and quickly takes the punch bowl from the sideboard and offers it to Johnny. Lord Summerhays Smash it. Don’t hesitate: it’s an ugly thing. Smash it: hard. Johnny, with a stifled yell, dashes it in pieces, and then sits down and mops his brow. Feel better now? Johnny nods. I know only one person alive who could drive me to the point of having either to break china or commit murder; and that person is my son Bentley. Was it he? Johnny nods again, not yet able to speak. As the car stopped I heard a yell which is only too familiar to me. It generally means that some infuriated person is trying to thrash Bentley. Nobody has ever succeeded, though almost everybody has tried. He seats himself comfortably close to the writing table, and sets to work to collect the fragments of the punch bowl in the wastepaper basket whilst Johnny, with diminishing difficulty, collects himself. Bentley is a problem which I confess I have never been able to solve. He was born to be a great success at the age of fifty. Most Englishmen of his class seem to be born to be great successes at the age of twenty-four at most. The domestic problem for me is how to endure Bentley until he is fifty. The problem for the nation is how to get itself governed by men whose growth is arrested when they are little more than college lads. Bentley doesn’t really mean to be offensive. You can always make him cry by telling him you don’t like him. Only, he cries so loud that the experiment should be made in the open air: in the middle of Salisbury Plain if possible. He has a hard and penetrating intellect and a remarkable power of looking facts in the face; but unfortunately, being very young, he has no idea of how very little of that sort of thing most of us can stand. On the other hand, he is frightfully sensitive and even affectionate; so that he probably gets as much as he gives in the way of hurt feelings. You’ll excuse me rambling on like this about my son. Johnny Who has pulled himself together. You did it on purpose. I wasn’t quite myself: I needed a moment to pull round: thank you. Lord Summerhays Not at all. Is your father at home? Johnny No: he’s opening one of his free libraries. That’s another nice little penny gone. He’s mad on reading. He promised another free library last week. It’s ruinous. It’ll hit you as well as me when Bunny marries Hypatia. When all Hypatia’s money is thrown away on libraries, where will Bunny come in? Can’t you stop him? Lord Summerhays I’m afraid not. He’s a perfect whirlwind. Indefatigable at public work. Wonderful man, I think. Johnny Oh, public work! He does too much of it. It’s really a sort of laziness, getting away from your own serious business to amuse yourself with other people’s. Mind: I don’t say there isn’t another side to it. It has its value as an advertisement. It makes useful acquaintances and leads to valuable business connections. But it takes his mind off the main chance; and he overdoes it. Lord Summerhays The danger of public business is that it never ends. A man may kill himself at it. Johnny Or he can spend more on it than it brings him in: that’s how I look at it. What I say is that everybody’s business is nobody’s business. I hope I’m not a hard man, nor a narrow man, nor unwilling to pay reasonable taxes, and subscribe in reason to deserving charities, and even serve on a jury in my turn; and no man can say I ever refused to help a friend out of a difficulty when he was worth helping. But when you ask me to go beyond that, I tell you frankly I don’t see it. I never did see it, even when I was only a boy, and had to pretend to take in all the ideas the Governor fed me up with. I didn’t see it; and I don’t see it. Lord Summerhays There is certainly no business reason why you should take more than your share of the world’s work. Johnny So I say. It’s really a great encouragement to me to find you agree with me. For of course if nobody agrees with you, how are you to know that you’re not a fool? Lord Summerhays Quite so. Johnny I wish you’d talk to him about it. It’s no use my saying anything: I’m a child to him still: I have no influence. Besides, you know how to handle men. See how you handled me when I was making a fool of myself about Bunny! Lord Summerhays Not at all. Johnny Oh yes I was: I know I was. Well, if my blessed father had come in he’d have told me to control myself. As if I was losing my temper on purpose! Bentley returns, newly washed. He beams when he sees his father, and comes affectionately behind him and pats him on the shoulders. Bentley Hel‑lo, commander! have you come? I’ve been making a filthy silly ass of myself here. I’m awfully sorry, Johnny, old chap: I beg your pardon. Why don’t you kick me when I go on like that? Lord Summerhays As we came through Godalming I thought I heard some yelling⁠— Bentley I should think you did. Johnny