his hand, and ask him for pocket money, and wear soft clothes, and be his woman! his wife! Sooner than that, I would stoop to the lowest depths of my profession. I would stuff lions with food and pretend to tame them. I would deceive honest people’s eyes with conjuring tricks instead of real feats of strength and skill. I would be a clown and set bad examples of conduct to little children. I would sink yet lower and be an actress or an opera singer, imperilling my soul by the wicked lie of pretending to be somebody else. All this I would do sooner than take my bread from the hand of a man and make him the master of my body and soul. And so you may tell your Johnny to buy an Englishwoman: he shall not buy Lina Szczepanowska; and I will not stay in the house where such dishonor is offered me. Adieu. She turns precipitately to go, but is faced in the pavilion doorway by Johnny, who comes in slowly, his hands in his pockets, meditating deeply.
Johnny
Confidentially to Lina. You won’t mention our little conversation, Miss Shepanoska. It’ll do no good; and I’d rather you didn’t.
Tarleton
We’ve just heard about it, Johnny.
Johnny
Shortly, but without ill-temper. Oh: is that so?
Hypatia
The cat’s out of the bag, Johnny, about everybody. They were all beforehand with you: papa, Lord Summerhays, Bentley and all. Don’t you let them laugh at you.
Johnny
A grin slowly overspreading his countenance. Well, there’s no use my pretending to be surprised at you, Governor, is there? I hope you got it as hot as I did. Mind, Miss Shepanoska: it wasn’t lost on me. I’m a thinking man. I kept my temper. You’ll admit that.
Lina
Frankly. Oh yes. I do not quarrel. You are what is called a chump; but you are not a bad sort of chump.
Johnny
Thank you. Well, if a chump may have an opinion, I should put it at this. You make, I suppose, ten pounds a night off your own bat, Miss Lina?
Lina
Scornfully. Ten pounds a night! I have made ten pounds a minute.
Johnny
With increased respect. Have you indeed? I didn’t know: you’ll excuse my mistake, I hope. But the principle is the same. Now I trust you won’t be offended at what I’m going to say; but I’ve thought about this and watched it in daily experience; and you may take it from me that the moment a woman becomes pecuniarily independent, she gets hold of the wrong end of the stick in moral questions.
Lina
Indeed! And what do you conclude from that, Mister Johnny?
Johnny
Well, obviously, that independence for women is wrong and shouldn’t be allowed. For their own good, you know. And for the good of morality in general. You agree with me, Lord Summerhays, don’t you?
Lord Summerhays
It’s a very moral moral, if I may so express myself.
Mrs. Tarleton comes in softly through the inner door.
Mrs. Tarleton
Don’t make too much noise. The lad’s asleep.
Tarleton
Chickabiddy: we have some news for you.
Johnny
Apprehensively. Now there’s no need, you know, Governor, to worry mother with everything that passes.
Mrs. Tarleton
Coming to Tarleton. What’s been going on? Don’t you hold anything back from me, John. What have you been doing?
Tarleton
Bentley isn’t going to marry Patsy.
Mrs. Tarleton
Of course not. Is that your great news? I never believed she’d marry him.
Tarleton
There’s something else. Mr. Percival here—
Mrs. Tarleton
To Percival. Are you going to marry Patsy?
Percival
Diplomatically. Patsy is going to marry me, with your permission.
Mrs. Tarleton
Oh, she has my permission: she ought to have been married long ago.
Hypatia
Mother!
Tarleton
Miss Lina here, though she has been so short a time with us, has inspired a good deal of attachment in—I may say in almost all of us. Therefore I hope she’ll stay to dinner, and not insist on flying away in that aeroplane.
Percival
You must stay, Miss Szczepanowska. I can’t go up again this evening.
Lina
I’ve seen you work it. Do you think I require any help? And Bentley shall come with me as a passenger.
Bentley
Terrified. Go up in an aeroplane! I daren’t.
Lina
You must learn to dare.
Bentley
Pale but heroic. All right. I’ll come.
Lord Summerhays
No, no, Bentley, impossible. I shall not allow it.
Mrs. Tarleton.
Do you want to kill the child? He shan’t go.
Bentley
I will. I’ll lie down and yell until you let me go. I’m not a coward. I won’t be a coward.
Lord Summerhays
Miss Szczepanowska: my son is very dear to me. I implore you to wait until tomorrow morning.
Lina
There may be a storm tomorrow. And I’ll go: storm or no storm. I must risk my life tomorrow.
Bentley
I hope there will be a storm.
Lina
Grasping his arm. You are trembling.
Bentley
Yes: it’s terror, sheer terror. I can hardly see. I can hardly stand. But I’ll go with you.
Lina
Slapping him on the back and knocking a ghastly white smile into his face. You shall. I like you, my boy. We go tomorrow, together.
Bentley
Yes: together: tomorrow.
Tarleton
Well, sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Read the old book.
Mrs. Tarleton
Is there anything else?
Tarleton
Well, I—er He addresses Lina, and stops. I—er He addresses Lord Summerhays, and stops. I—er He gives it up. Well, I suppose—er—I suppose there’s nothing more to be said.
Hypatia
Fervently. Thank goodness!
Colophon
Misalliance
was published in by
George Bernard Shaw.
This ebook was produced for
Standard Ebooks
by
Asher Smith,
and is based on a transcription produced in by
Ron Burkey, Amy Thomte, and David Widger
for
Project Gutenberg
and on digital scans from the
Internet Archive.
The cover page is adapted from
The Enemy Crashed to the Earth in a Column of Flame and Smoke,
a painting completed circa by
Cyrus
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