Misalliance

pick up their ways. You know, dear, I never quite agreed with your father’s notion of keeping clear of them, and sending you to a school that was so expensive that they couldn’t afford to send their daughters there; so that all the girls belonged to big business families like ourselves. It takes all sorts to make a world; and I wanted you to see a little of all sorts. When you marry Bunny, and go among the women of his father’s set, they’ll shock you at first. Hypatia Incredulously. How? Mrs. Tarleton Well, the things they talk about. Hypatia Oh! scandalmongering? Mrs. Tarleton Oh no: we all do that: that’s only human nature. But you know they’ve no notion of decency. I shall never forget the first day I spent with a marchioness, two duchesses, and no end of Ladies This and That. Of course it was only a committee: they’d put me on to get a big subscription out of John. I’d never heard such talk in my life. The things they mentioned! And it was the marchioness that started it. Hypatia What sort of things? Mrs. Tarleton Drainage!! She’d tried three systems in her castle; and she was going to do away with them all and try another. I didn’t know which way to look when she began talking about it: I thought they’d all have got up and gone out of the room. But not a bit of it, if you please. They were all just as bad as she. They all had systems; and each of them swore by her own system. I sat there with my cheeks burning until one of the duchesses, thinking I looked out of it, I suppose, asked me what system I had. I said I was sure I knew nothing about such things, and hadn’t we better change the subject. Then the fat was in the fire, I can tell you. There was a regular terror of a countess with an anaerobic system; and she told me, downright brutally, that I’d better learn something about them before my children died of diphtheria. That was just two months after I’d buried poor little Bobby; and that was the very thing he died of, poor little lamb! I burst out crying: I couldn’t help it. It was as good as telling me I’d killed my own child. I had to go away; but before I was out of the door one of the duchesses⁠—quite a young woman⁠—began talking about what sour milk did in her inside and how she expected to live to be over a hundred if she took it regularly. And me listening to her, that had never dared to think that a duchess could have anything so common as an inside! I shouldn’t have minded if it had been children’s insides: we have to talk about them. But grown-up people! I was glad to get away that time. Hypatia There was a physiology and hygiene class started at school; but of course none of our girls were let attend it. Mrs. Tarleton If it had been an aristocratic school plenty would have attended it. That’s what they’re like: they’ve nasty minds. With really nice good women a thing is either decent or indecent; and if it’s indecent, we just don’t mention it or pretend to know about it; and there’s an end of it. But all the aristocracy cares about is whether it can get any good out of the thing. They’re what Johnny calls cynical-like. And of course nobody can say a word to them for it. They’re so high up that they can do and say what they like. Hypatia Well, I think they might leave the drains to their husbands. I shouldn’t think much of a man that left such things to me. Mrs. Tarleton Oh, don’t think that, dear, whatever you do. I never let on about it to you; but it’s me that takes care of the drainage here. After what that countess said to me I wasn’t going to lose another child or trust John. And I don’t want my grandchildren to die any more than my children. Hypatia Do you think Bentley will ever be as big a man as his father? I don’t mean clever: I mean big and strong. Mrs. Tarleton Not he. He’s overbred, like one of those expensive little dogs. I like a bit of a mongrel myself, whether it’s a man or a dog: they’re the best for everyday. But we all have our tastes: what’s one woman’s meat is another woman’s poison. Bunny’s a dear little fellow; but I never could have fancied him for a husband when I was your age. Hypatia Yes; but he has some brains. He’s not like all the rest. One can’t have everything. Mrs. Tarleton Oh, you’re quite right, dear: quite right. It’s a great thing to have brains: look what it’s done for your father! That’s the reason I never said a word when you jilted poor Jerry Mackintosh. Hypatia Excusing herself. I really couldn’t stick it out with Jerry, mother. I know you liked him; and nobody can deny that he’s a splendid animal⁠— Mrs. Tarleton Shocked. Hypatia! How can you! The things that girls say nowadays! Hypatia Well, what else can you call him? If I’d been deaf or he’d been dumb, I could have married him. But living with father, I’ve got accustomed to cleverness. Jerry would drive me mad: you know very well he’s a fool: even Johnny thinks him a fool. Mrs. Tarleton Up in arms at once in defence of her boy. Now don’t begin about my Johnny. You know it annoys me. Johnny’s as clever as anybody else in his own way. I don’t say he’s as clever as you in some ways; but he’s a man, at all events, and not a little squit of a thing like your Bunny. Hypatia Oh, I say nothing against your darling: we all know Johnny’s perfection. Mrs. Tarleton Don’t be cross, dearie. You let Johnny alone; and I’ll let