At this the general, though he was in general a stern man, laughed heartily; but I thought, “If the colonel tell him of such fools’ tricks, surely he will not have failed to speak of my other devices.” So I was brought in, and when the general asked what was my plan I answered, “Gracious sir, although my fault and your Excellency’s order and prohibition do both deny me my life, yet my most humble loyalty, which is due from me towards his Imperial Majesty, my most gracious Lord, even to the death, bids me so far as lies in my weak power yet do the enemy a damage, and further the interests and arms of his Majesty.” So the general cut me short, and says he, “Didst thou not lately give me the negro?” “Yea, gracious sir,” said I. Then said he, “Well, thy zeal and loyalty might perhaps serve to spare thy life: but what plan hast thou to bring the enemy out of this place without great loss in time and men?” So I answered, “Since the town cannot resist heavy artillery, my humble opinion is that the enemy would soon come to terms if he did but really believe we had such pieces.” “That,” said the general, “a fool could have told me; but who will persuade them so to believe?” Then I answered, “Thine own eyes; I have examined their Mainguard with a perspective-glass, and it can be easily deceived; if we did but set a few baulks of timber, shaped like water-pipes, on wagons, and haul them into the field with many horses, they will certainly believe they are heavy pieces, specially if your Excellency will order works to be thrown up about the field as if to plant cannon there.” “My dear little friend,” answered the Count, “they be not children in the town: they will not believe this pantomime, but will require to hear thy guns; and if the trick fail,” says he to the officers that stood around, “we shall be mocked of all the world.” But I answered, “Gracious sir, an I can but have a pair of double muskets and a pretty large cask, I will make them to hear great guns: only beyond the sound there can be no further effect: but if against all expectation naught but mockery ensue, then shall I, the inventor, that must in any case die, take with me that mockery and purge it away with my life.”
Yet the general liked it not, but my colonel persuaded him to it; for he said I was in such cases so lucky that he doubted not this trick would succeed: so the Count ordered him to settle the matter as he thought it could best be done, and said to him in jest that the honour he should gain thereby should be reckoned to him alone.
So three such baulks were brought to hand, and before each were harnessed four-and-twenty horses, though two had been sufficient: and these towards evening we brought up in full sight of the foe: and meanwhile I had gotten me three double muskets and a great cask from a mansion near at hand, and set all in order as I would have it: and by night this was added to our fool’s artillery. The double muskets I charged twice over and had them discharged through the said cask, of which the bottom had been knocked out, as if it was three trial shots being fired. Which sounded so thunderously that any man had sworn they were great serpents or demi-culverins. Our general must needs laugh at such trickery, and again offered the enemy terms, with the addition that if they did not agree that same evening it would not go so easily with them the next day. Thereupon hostages were exchanged and terms arranged, and the same night one gate of the town put into our hands, and this was well indeed for me: for the Count not only granted me my life that by his order I had forfeited, but set me free the same night and commanded the lieutenant-colonel in my presence to appoint me to the first ensigncy that should fall vacant: which was not to his taste (for he had cousins and kinsmen many in waiting) that I should be promoted before them.
XI
Contains All Manner of Matters of Little Import and Great Imagination
On this expedition nothing more of note happened to me: but when I came again to Soest I found the Hessians from Lippstadt had captured my servant that I had left to guard my baggage, together with one horse that was at pasture. From my servant the enemy learned of my ways and works, and therefore held me higher than before, as having been persuaded by common report I was but a sorcerer. He told them, moreover, he had been one of the devils that had so dismayed the Huntsman of Wesel in the sheepfold: which when the said huntsman heard of, he was so shamed that he took to his heels again and fled from Lippstadt to the Hollanders. But it was my greatest good fortune that this servant of mine was taken, as will be seen in the sequel.
Now I began to behave myself somewhat more reputably than before, as having such fine hopes of presently being made ensign: so by degrees I joined company with officers and young noblemen that were eager for that office which I imagined I should soon get: for this reason these were my worst enemies, and yet gave themselves out to be my best friends: even the lieutenant-colonel was no longer so good
