If I Had a Father

done him? Constance He has got beautiful things in him⁠—talks well⁠—in bits⁠—arms and feet and faces⁠—never anything like⁠—turning to the Psyche Why have you⁠—? Has she been naughty too? Gervaise Is it only naughty things that must be put out of sight, Constance? Constance Dear Arthur! you spoke like your own self then. Gervaise Rising hurriedly. Excuse me. I must go. It is very rude, but⁠—William! Enter Col. Gervaise. Col. Gervaise Yes, sir. Gervaise Fetch a hansom directly. Col. Gervaise Yes, sir. Exit. Constance You do frighten me, Arthur! I am sure you are ill. Gervaise Not at all. I have an engagement. Constance I must go then⁠—must I? Gervaise Do not think me unkind? Constance I will not think anything you would not have me think. Reenter Col. Gervaise. Col. Gervaise The cab is at the door, sir. Gervaise Thank you. Then show Miss Lacordère out. Stay. I will open the door for her myself. Exeunt Gervaise and Constance. Col. Gervaise He speaks like one in despair, forcing every word! If he should die! Oh, my God! Reenter Gervaise Walks up and down the room. Col. Gervaise Ain’t you going, sir? Gervaise No. I have sent the lady in the cab. Col. Gervaise Then hadn’t you better lie down, sir? Gervaise Lie down! What do you mean? I’m not in the way of lying down except to sleep. Col. Gervaise And let me go for the doctor, sir? Gervaise The doctor! Ha! ha ha!⁠—You are a soldier, you say? Col. Gervaise Yes, sir. Gervaise Right. We’re all soldiers⁠—or ought to be. I will put you to your catechism. What is a soldier’s first duty? Col. Gervaise Obedience, sir. Gervaise sits down and leans his head on his hands. Col. Gervaise watches him. Gervaise Ah! obedience, is it? Then turn those women out. They will hurt you⁠—may kill you; but you must not mind that. They burn, they blister, and they blast, for as white as they look! The hottest is the white fire. But duty, old soldier!⁠—obedience, you know!⁠—Ha! ha! Oh, my head! my head! I believe I am losing my senses, William. I was in a bad part of the town this morning. I went to see a place I knew long ago. It had gone to hell⁠—but the black edges of it were left. There was a smell⁠—and I can’t get it out of me. Oh, William! William! take hold of me. Don’t let them come near me. Psyche is laughing at me. I told you to throw the red cloth over her. Col. Gervaise My poor boy! Gervaise Don’t fancy you’re my father, though! I wish you were. But I cannot allow that.⁠—Why the devil didn’t you throw the red cloth over that butterfly? She’s sucking the blood from my heart. Col. Gervaise You said the Psyche, sir! The red cloth is over the Psyche, sir. Look. Gervaise Yes. Yes. I beg your pardon. Take it off. It is too red. It will scorch her wings. It burns my brain. Take it off, I say! Col. Gervaise uncovers the Psyche. There! I told you! She’s laughing at me! Ungrateful child! I’m not her Cupid. Cover her up. Not the red cloth again. It’s too hot, I say. I won’t torture her. I am a man and I can bear it. She’s a woman and she shan’t bear it. Sinks back in his chair. Col. Gervaise lays him on the dais, and sits down beside him. Col. Gervaise His heart’s all right! And when a fellow’s miserable over his faults, there must be some way out of them.⁠—But the consequences?⁠—Ah! there’s the rub. Gervaise What’s the matter? Where am I? Col. Gervaise I must fetch a doctor, sir. You’ve been in a faint. Gervaise Why couldn’t I keep in it? It was very nice: you know nothing⁠—and that’s the nicest thing of all. Why is it we can’t stop, William? Col. Gervaise I don’t understand you, sir. Gervaise Stop living, I mean. It’s no use killing yourself, for you don’t stop then. At least they say you go on living all the same. If I thought it did mean stopping, William⁠— Col. Gervaise Do come to your room, sir. Gervaise I won’t. I’ll stop here. How hot it is! Don’t let anybody in. Stretches out his hand. Col. Gervaise holds it. He falls asleep. Col. Gervaise What shall I do? If he married her, he’d be miserable, and make her miserable too. I’ll take her away somewhere. I’ll be a father to her; I’ll tend her as if she were his widow. But what confusions would follow! Alas! alas! one crime is the mother of a thousand miseries! And now he’s in for a fever⁠—typhus, perhaps!⁠—I must find this girl!⁠—What a sweet creature that Miss Lacordère is! If only he might have her! I don’t care what she was. Gervaise Don’t let them near me, William! They will drive me mad. They think I shall love them. I will not. If she comes one step nearer, I shall strike her. You Diana! Hecate! Hellcat!⁠—Fire-hearted Chaos is burning me to ashes! My brain is a cinder! Some water, William! Col. Gervaise Here it is, sir. Gervaise But just look to Psyche there. Ah, she’s off! There she goes! melting away in the blue, like a dissolving vapour. Bring me my field-glass, William. I may catch a glimpse of her yet. Make haste. Col. Gervaise Pray don’t talk so, sir. Do be quiet, or you will make yourself very ill. Think what will become of me if⁠— Gervaise What worse would you be, William? You are a soldier. I must talk. You are all wrong about it: it keeps me quiet holding his head with both hands. I should go raving mad else wildly. Give me some water. He drinks eagerly, then looks slowly round the room. Now they are gone, and I do believe they won’t come again! I see everything⁠—and your face, William. You are very good to me⁠—very patient! I should die if it weren’t for you. Col. Gervaise I would die for you, sir. Gervaise Would you? But perhaps you don’t care