ahead, tugging at handfuls of grass and twigs to help her along. 'Pat! My God! It's the middle of the night! It's almost morning!' In the distance Karen could hear the dull roaring of traffic on the freeway. Was she really only seconds away from civilization? It didn't seem possible.
'Stay, if you must. I'm going!' Pat called back raggedly. She grasped a small bush and elevated herself still higher.
Karen was tempted to stay where she was, but with the drug in Pat, and in this murky darkness, she was afraid the girl would plunge to her death unless she were there.
They climbed silently. Karen felt the moist dirt wet her clothing, grass stick to her face. She tasted clammy earth and felt nauseated. She heard Pat muttering strange things. The words 'spirits' and 'command' floated down to her several times. Karen felt sure she must be going mad, that she was following a mad woman to her own insanity. What am I doing here? she asked herself, nearing hysteria. It was so fantastic, climbing this hill in the darkness seconds from life as she knew it… following a girl who had awakened her body, dazzled her mind and drugged her senses. Karen, in an effort to hold on to something, anything outside this nightmare, thought of Al. She could have cried over the simplicity of their problems together. Instead of trying to help him, them, she had preferred to wallow in her own unhappiness, enlarging it, bleeding it for the subtlest masochistic thrill. Then she had simply run away, jumping willingly into a new relationship in which she could punish herself further.
Karen's hands were bleeding and sore by the time they reached and then passed the cross. Exhausted, she fell to the ground and lay there, no longer caring what Pat did. She couldn't move.
Pat, her face black with dirt and dust, came down beside her. 'Now this!' she gloated, bringing her crusted lips to Karen's.
Karen felt her stomach turn when she realized Pat's intentions. She had gone through this degenerate, horrible experience for what? To make what Pat called love, their filthy bodies grinding together, on a hilltop, with a white cross as a vanguard for their conflict? Karen bit back the waves of illness which rose in her throat.
'No! Pat! No, not now, not here!' Karen found her voice had become little more than a hysterical moan. She bit back the sudden tears, the temptation to scream out her disgust. The thought of this girl touching her, attacking her flesh at this moment caused her stomach to tighten in revolt. Karen felt dirty, soiled with madness as well as faith… The dry lips now on her own sickened her. She tried to fight, but Pat was invincible, a wild animal sucking at her skin with a hunger born of desperation. She felt lips, then teeth on her neck, shoulders… The clothing was being torn from her body. She was on her back, being raped by the lust of this mad creature. Her thighs were scraped by the determined sharp teeth, she was being branded with ownership by this sex-crazed monster to whom she had given her love, for whom she had given up her marriage. The hurting teeth, the insistent tongue were inside her now, sucking without tenderness or love on her most vulnerable flesh. She wanted to die… she wanted to die… She wanted this horrible nightmare to end… she could not be further degenerated by anything, anyone. But she could not stop Pat.
The girl on top of Karen was completely without appeal for the first time. Karen wanted to fling her away. But she didn't have the strength. The sensitivity she thought she had found in Pat was in truth nothing more than insanity. Now it was easy. It was almost a relief for Karen to lose all feeling. Only a twinge of pity stayed, pity for both of them. She let Pat feed on her young body like a vulture until the morning began to unveil its first rays. Then she slept. She prayed with whatever feeling remained that she might never again awake.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Pat was unusually quiet for two days after their nocturnal climb. They spent most of the time in bed, resting. For Karen it was an interlude of nothingness.
The third morning found Pat completely refreshed. She complained of the inactivity, saying it was ruining her body tone. Karen listlessly watched her go through a series of exercises, still unwilling to relent her death-like inactiveness.
They ate the last of the food in the house, then Pat examined their funds. 'We need more money.'
Karen nodded indifferently. Pat came over to the bed. She looked at Karen speculatively. A new excitement was dawning in her clear, pale eyes. 'You've got to help with the burden of finances, Karen,' she announced suddenly. Her laugh was grating. 'The honeymoon's over.'
'Is that what it was?' Karen asked dully.
Pat hadn't heard her. 'It's about time.'
'I told you from the start I'd get a job if you'd let me…' Karen retorted, the fine stirrings of anger getting the better of her desire for noninvolvement.
'I'm not talking about a job. You know what I'm talking about!' Pat began to knead Karen's stomach with lazy fingers. 'I can get you a date in a minute. One phone call would do it.'
Karen didn't know if she was pleased or disappointed to discover that nothing Pat could do or suggest surprised her anymore. She shook her head calmly. 'I'll get a job, but forget that. It's out.'
Pat colored slightly. 'Are you telling me that you refuse?' Her hand stayed on the soft belly, but the fingers tightened convulsively.
Karen began to feel a slight tremor of fear. Pat had a will that had intimidated her from the first. 'I'll work for you, if you want. But I won't do that. I can't, Pat! Don't you understand? It would make me sick! Don't ask me to do that!'
'Don't be a melodramatic idiot! It isn't so bad, you know. I can tell you how to do it so you don't feel a thing.' Pat began to grow excited. Her hand moved to Karen's breast. She held one tightly. 'You just lie back, smile sweetly, and think your way out of the room! It works! I do it all the time!' Pat wondered suddenly when she had done that the last time. She couldn't remember.
'Pat, don't.' Karen tried to remove the hand without angering the girl. Pat was hurting the tender flesh now. 'Maybe you can do that astro-projection stuff, but I can't! I said I'd work for you if you want. Why do you insist I do this?'
Pat let go of the full breast and reached for the other. She didn't notice the red streaks her fingers had made in the flesh. She thought of what a great kick it would be to take this girl after she had been ravished by a man! 'It has to be this way. That's all there is to it. Don't argue about it anymore. I'll make it for tomorrow.'
'Don't bother,' Karen stated flatly. 'I won't do it. You can't make me do it!' She had gone so far for Pat. First for love, then for peace, finally for pity. The idea of a paid alliance with a strange man sickened her.
'You must! If you love me, you should be glad to do it!' Pat threw herself on the girl, feverishly trying to arouse her to at least a physical response. She did all the things Karen used to go wild from. But Karen felt nothing, and Pat knew it.
'You don't love me!' Pat ranted finally, moving away from the blonde. 'You never did,' she accused.
'That's not true,' Karen answered softly, wondering if it was.
'Don't lie to me!' Pat thundered. 'If you did you'd do this, if it was important to me.'
'Why is it important to you, Pat?' Karen asked in a whisper, fascinated in spite of herself.
'Because…' Pat closed her eyes. Her face was like a tight mask. 'Because I want it! That's reason enough! You lived off the money I made that way, didn't you? It wasn't too good for you then!'
Karen flushed. Pat was right. Why hadn't she protested more then? Why had she allowed all this to happen to them, to her? 'I don't care what you say. I won't do it.'
Pat's face suddenly collapsed. It was as if a waxen mask had drifted too near a luminous candle. The features seemed to run together crazily. She buried her face against Karen's breasts, wetting them with her hot tears. 'Do this last thing for me, Karen! Please! Show me you love me this way…'
Karen was horrified. Pat's slim body was quaking hideously against her. She had expected cold fury, even physical brutality from Pat. She could have coped with that. But these senseless tears, these body-shaking tremors left her more whipped than if Pat had flogged her body with lead-tipped quirts. She found herself agreeing mutely to whatever Pat wanted of her. 'Yes, all right,' she muttered hoarsely. 'Anything you say, only stop. For God's sake, stop! Please, I can't take any more.' Karen moaned weakly.
Pat dried her eyes quickly. She spoke into Karen's large breasts. 'You'll see… it won't be bad. You won't feel a thing. Just do as I tell you and it will be fine.'
