under the car. Two, he returned without the items he went to fetch. Three, the door was left open for several seconds, something no good security man would permit. And four, I detected a slight haze as you entered the vehicle. Elementary really.’
Holly scowled. ‘Observant little Mud Boy, aren’t you?’
‘I try. Now, Captain Short, if you would be so kind as to tell me why you are here.’
‘As if you don’t know.’
Artemis thought for a moment. ‘Interesting. I would guess that something has happened. Obviously something that I am being held responsible for.’ He raised an eyebrow fractionally. An intense expression of emotion for Artemis Fowl. ‘There are humans trading with the People.’
‘Very impressive,’ said Holly. ‘Or it would be if we didn’t both know that you’re behind it. And if we can’t get the truth out of you, I’m sure your computer files will prove most revealing.’
Artemis closed the laptop’s lid. ‘Captain. I realize there is no love lost between us, but I don’t have time for this now. It is imperative that you give me a few days to sort out my affairs.’
‘No can do, Fowl. There are a few people below ground who would like a word.’
Artemis shrugged. ‘I suppose after what I did, I can’t really expect any consideration.’
‘That’s right. You can’t.’
‘Well then,’ sighed Artemis. ‘I don’t suppose I have a choice.’
Holly smiled. ‘That’s right, Fowl, you don’t.’
‘Shall we go?’ Artemis’s tone was meek, but his brain was sparking off ideas. Maybe co-operating with the fairies wasn’t such a bad idea. They had certain abilities after all.
‘Why not?’ Holly turned to Butler. ‘Drive south. Stay on the back roads.’
‘Tara, I presume. I often wondered where exactly the entrance to El was.’
‘Keep wondering, Mud Boy,’ muttered Holly. ‘Now, sleep. All this deduction is wearing me out.’
CHAPTER 4: FOWL IS FAIR
Artemis woke in the LEP interrogation room. He could have been in any police interview room in the world. Same uncomfortable furniture, same old routine. Root jumped right in. ‘OK, Fowl, start talking.’ Artemis took a moment to get his bearings. Holly and Root were facing him across a low plastic-topped table. A high-watt bulb shone directly into his face.
‘Really, Commander. Is this it? I expected more.’ ‘Oh there’s more. Just not for criminals like you.’ Artemis noted that his hands were shackled to the chair.
‘You’re not still upset about last year, are you? After all, I won. That is supposed to be that, according to your own Book.’
Root leaned forward until the tip of his cigar was centimetres from Artemis’s nose. ‘This is an entirely different case, Mud Boy. So don’t give me the innocent act.’ Artemis was unperturbed. ‘Which one are you? Good Cop or Bad Cop?’
Root laughed heartily, the tip of his cigar drawing patterns in the air.
‘Good Cop, Bad Cop! Hate to tell you this, Dorothy, but you ain’t in Kansas any more.’ The commander loved quoting The Wizard of Oz. Three of his cousins were in the movie.
A figure emerged from the shadows. It had a tail, four legs, two arms and was holding what looked like a pair of common kitchen plungers.
‘OK, Mud Boy,’ said the figure. ‘Just relax and this might not hurt too much.’
Foaly attached the suction cups to Artemis’s eyes and the boy immediately fell unconscious.
‘The sedative is in the rubber seals,’ explained the centaur. ‘Gets in through the pores. They never see it coming. Tell me I’m not the cleverest individual in the universe.’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said Root innocently. ‘That pixie Koboi is one pretty sharp female.’
Foaly stamped a hoof angrily. ‘Koboi? Koboi? Those wings of hers are ridiculous. If you ask me, we’re using far too much Koboi technology these days. It’s not good to let one company have all the LEP’s business.’
‘Unless it’s yours, of course.’
‘I’m serious, Julius. I know Opal Koboi from my days at university. She’s not stable. There are Koboi chips in all the new Neutrinos. If those labs go under, all we’d have left are the DNA cannons in Police Plaza and a few cases of electric stun guns.’
Root snorted. ‘Koboi just upgraded every gun and vehicle in the force. Three times the power, half the heat emission. Better than the last statistics from your lab, Foaly.’
Foaly threaded a set of fibre-optic cables back to the computer.
‘Yes, well, maybe if the Council would give me a decent budget. .'
‘Quit your moaning, Foaly. I saw the budget for this machine. It better do more than unblock the drains.’
Foaly flicked his tail, highly offended.
‘This is a Retimager, I’m considering going private with this baby.’
‘And it does what exactly?’
Foaly activated a plasma screen on the holding-cell wall.
‘You see these dark circles? These are the human’s retinas. Every image leaves a tiny etching, like a photo negative. We can feed whatever pictures we want into the computer and search for matches.’
Root didn’t exactly fall to his knees in awe. ‘Isn’t that handy.’
‘Well, yes, it is actually. Observe.’
Foaly called up an image of a goblin, cross-referencing it with the Retimager’s database.
‘For every matching point we get a hit. About two hundred hits is normal. General shape of the head, features and so on. Anything significantly above that and he’s seen that goblin before.’
One eighty-six flashed up on the screen.
‘Negative on the goblin. Let’s try a Softnose.’
Again, the count was under two hundred.
‘Another negative. Sorry, Captain, but Master Fowl here is innocent.
He’s never even seen a goblin, much less traded with the B’wa Kell.’
‘They could have mind-wiped him.’
Foaly removed the seals from Artemis’s eyes. ‘That’s the beauty of this baby. Mind-wipes don’t work. The Retimager operates on actual physical evidence. You’d have to scrub the retinas.’
‘Anything on the human’s computer?’
‘Plenty,’ replied Foaly. ‘But nothing incriminating. Not a single mention of goblins or batteries.’
Root scratched his square jaw. ‘What about the big one? He could have been the go-between.’
‘Did him already with the Retimager. Nothing. Face it, the LEP have pulled in the wrong Mud Men. Wipe ‘em and send ‘em home.’
Holly nodded. The commander didn’t.
‘Wait a minute. I’m thinking.’
‘About what?’ asked Holly. ‘The sooner we get Artemis Fowl’s nose out of our business, the better.’
‘Maybe not. Since they’re already here. .'
Holly’s jaw dropped. ‘Commander. You don’t know Fowl like I do. Give him half a chance and he’ll be a bigger problem than the goblins.’
‘Maybe he could help us with our Mud Man problem.’
‘I have to object, Commander.These humans are not to be trusted.’
Root’s face would have glowed in the dark.
‘Do you think I like this, Captain? Do you think I relish the idea of crawling to this Mud Boy? I do not. I would rather swallow live stink worms than ask Artemis Fowl for help. But someone is powering the B’wa Kell’s arms, and I need to find out who. So get with the programme, Holly. There’s more at stake here than your little vendetta.’
Holly bit her tongue. She couldn’t oppose the commander, not after all he’d done for her, but asking Artemis
