Fowl for help was the wrong course of action whatever the situation. She didn’t doubt for a minute that the human would have a solution to their problem, but at what cost?
Root drew a deep breath. ‘OK, Foaly, bring him round. And fit him with a translator. Speaking Mud Man gives me a headache.’
Artemis massaged the puffy skin beneath his eyes.
‘Sedative in the seals?’ he said, glancing at Foaly. ‘Micro-needles?’
The centaur was impressed. ‘You’re pretty sharp for a Mud Boy.’
Artemis touched the crescent-shaped nodule fixed above his ear.
‘Translator?’
Foaly nodded at the commander. ‘Speaking in tongues gives some people a headache.’
Artemis straightened his school tie. ‘I see. Now, how can I be of service?’
‘What makes you think we need help from you, human?’ growled Root around the butt of his cigar.
The boy smirked. ‘I have a feeling, Commander, that if you did not need something from me, I would be regaining consciousness in my own bed, with absolutely no memory of our encounter.’
Foaly hid his grin behind a hairy hand.
‘You’re lucky you’re not waking up in a cell,’ said Holly.
‘Still bitter, Captain Short? Can’t we wipe the slate clean?’
Holly’s glare was all the answer he needed.
Artemis sighed. ‘Very well. I shall guess. There are humans trading with the Lower Elements. And you need Butler to track these merchants down. Close enough?’
The fairies were silent for a moment. Hearing it from Fowl suddenly brought the reality home to them.
‘Close enough,’ admitted Root. ‘OK, Foaly, bring Mud Boy up to speed.’
The consultant loaded a file from the LEP central server. A series of Network News clips flashed up on the plasma screen. The reporter was a middle-aged elf with a quiff the size of a Honolulu roller.
‘Downtown Haven,’ crooned the reporter. ‘Another contraband seizure by the LEP. Hollywood laser disks with an estimated street value of five hundred gold grams. The B’wa Kell goblin triad is suspected.’
‘It gets worse,’ said Root grimly.
Artemis smiled. ‘There’s worse?’
The reporter appeared again. This time flames billowed from the windows of a warehouse behind him. His quiff looked a bit crispy.
‘Tonight the B’wa Kell has staked its claim to the East Bank by torching a warehouse used by Koboi Laboratories. Apparently the pixie with the golden touch refused to pay the triad’s protection fee.’
The flames were replaced by another news bite, this time featuring an angry mob.
‘Controversy today outside Police Plaza as the public protest at the LEP’s failure to deal with the goblin problem. Many ancient houses have been put out of business by the B’wa Kell’s racketeering. Most heavily targeted has been Koboi Laboratories, which has suffered six counts of sabotage in the past month alone.’
Foaly froze the image. The public did not look happy.
‘The thing you have to understand, Fowl, is that goblins are dumb. I’m not insulting them. It’s scientifically proven. Brains no bigger than rats.’
Artemis nodded. ‘So who’s organizing them?’
Root ground out his cigar. ‘We don’t know. But it’s getting worse. The B’wa Kell has graduated from petty crime to an all-out war on the police. Last night we intercepted a delivery of batteries from the surface. These batteries are being used to power outlawed Softnose laser weapons.’
‘And Captain Short thought that I might be the Mud Man on the other end of the deal.’
‘Can you blame me?’muttered Holly.
Artemis ignored the comment. ‘How do you know the goblins aren’t just ripping off wholesalers? After all, batteries are rarely under guard.’
Foaly chuckled. ‘No, I don’t think you understand just how stupid goblins are. Let me give you an example. One of the B’wa Kell generals, and this is their top fairy, was caught trying to pass off forged credit slips by signing his own name. No, whoever is behind this would need a human contact to make sure the deals weren’t fouled up.’
‘So you’d like me to find out who this human contact is,’ said Artemis.
‘And more importantly, how much he knows.’
As he spoke, Artemis’s mind was racing. He could work this entire situation to his advantage. The People’s powers would be valuable aces to hold in a negotiation with mobsters. The seeds of a plan began to sprout in his brain.
Root nodded reluctantly. ‘That’s it. I can’t risk putting LEPrecon agents above ground. Who knows what technology the goblins have traded. I could be walking my men into a trap. As humans, you could both blend in.’
‘Butler blend in?’ said Artemis, smiling. ‘I doubt it.’
‘At least he doesn’t have four legs and a tail,’ observed Foaly.
‘Point taken. And there is no doubt that if any man alive can track down your rogue trader, it’s Butler. But. .’
Here we go, thought Holly. Artemis Fowl does nothing for nothing.
‘But?’ prompted Root.
‘But if you want my help, I will require something in return.’
‘What exactly?’ said Root warily.
‘I need transport to Russia,’ replied Artemis. ‘The Arctic Circle to be precise. And I need help with a rescue attempt.’
Root frowned. ‘Northern Russia is not good for us. We can’t shield there because of the radiation.’
‘Those are my conditions,’ said Artemis. ‘The man I intend to rescue is my father. For all I know, it’s already too late. So I really don’t have time to negotiate.’
The Mud Boy sounded sincere. Even Holly’s heart softened for a moment. But you never knew with Artemis Fowl — this could all be part of yet another scheme. Root made an executive decision.
‘Deal,’ he said, holding out his hand.
They shook. Fairy and human. A historic moment.
‘Good,’ said Root. ‘Now, Foaly, wake the big one and give that goblin shuttle a quick systems check.’
‘What about me?’ asked Holly. ‘Back on stakeout duty?’
If Root had not been a commander, he probably would have cackled.
‘Oh no, Captain. You’re the best shuttle pilot we have. You’re going to Paris.’
CHAPTER 5: DADDY’S GIRL
Koboi Laboratories was carved from the rock of Haven’s East Bank. It stood eight storeys high, surrounded by half a mile of granite on five sides, with access from the front only. Management had beefed up their security, and who could blame them? After all, the B’wa Kell had specifically targeted Koboi for arson attacks. The Council had gone so far as to grant the company special weapons permits — if Koboi went under, the entire Haven City defence network went under with it.
Any B’wa Kell goblins attempting to storm Koboi Laboratories would have been met with DNA-coded stun cannons, which scanned an intruder before blasting him.
There were no blind spots in the building, no place to hide. The system was foolproof.
But the goblins didn’t have to worry about that. The Laboratories’ defences were actually designed to keep out any LEP officers who might come snooping around at the wrong moment. It was Opal Koboi herself who was funding the goblin triad. The attacks on Koboi were actually a smokescreen to divert suspicions away from her own
