The Drowning

as possible. He opened Christian’s novel and began to read. There were actually lots of other things that Patrik should have been doing, both practical chores and police tasks. But something told him that this was important. So for the first time in his career, Patrik Hedstrom sat at his desk reading a novel during work hours.

Kenneth wasn’t sure when he would be discharged from the hospital, but it really didn’t matter. He could stay here or he could go home. She would find him wherever he was.

Maybe it would be better if she found him at home, where Lisbet’s presence was still palpable. And there were a few things he wanted to take care of first. Including Lisbet’s funeral. The service would be only for her family and closest friends. No black clothing, no mournful music. And she would be wearing her yellow scarf. She’d been adamant about that.

A cautious knock on the door roused him from his reverie. He turned his head. Erica Falck. What did she want? he wondered, though it didn’t really interest him.

‘May I come in?’ she asked. Like everyone else, she couldn’t help looking at his bandaged arms. He motioned with one hand, an ambiguous gesture that could mean come in or get lost. Even he wasn’t sure which he intended.

But Erica came into the room, pulled up a chair, and sat down at his bedside, close to his head. She gave him a friendly look.

‘You know who Christian was, don’t you? Not Christian Thydell, but Christian Lissander.’

At first he considered lying to her, the same way he’d lied to the police officers who had come to see him. But her tone of voice was different. Her expression was too. She knew. She already had the answer, or at least part of it.

‘Yes, I know that,’ said Kenneth. ‘I know who he was.’

‘Tell me about him,’ she said. And for some reason he felt compelled to talk to her.

‘There’s not much to tell. He was the one everybody picked on at school. And we… we were the worst of the lot. With Erik taking the lead.’

‘You bullied him?’

‘We wouldn’t have called it that back then. But we made his life miserable as often as we could.’

‘Why?’ she asked, and the word seemed to hover in the air for a moment.

‘Why? Who knows? He was different, and he wasn’t from here. He was also fat. People always have to have someone to kick around, someone to look down on.’

‘I can understand Erik doing that sort of thing. But why you? And Magnus?’

She didn’t sound reproachful, but it still upset Kenneth. He’d asked himself that very same question so many times before. There was something lacking in Erik’s character. It was hard to pinpoint, but it might be an inability to feel empathy. That was no excuse, but it did explain Erik’s behaviour. But he and Magnus knew better. Did that make their sins bigger or smaller? Kenneth couldn’t answer that question.

‘We were young and stupid,’ he said, but he could hear how false that sounded. He had continued to follow Erik, to be governed by him. He had even admired him. It was a matter of ordinary human stupidity. Fear and cowardice.

‘So you didn’t recognize Christian when he moved here as an adult?’ Erica asked.

‘No, never. Believe it or not, I never made that connection. None of the others did either. Christian was a completely different person. It wasn’t just his appearance, it was… he wasn’t the same person. Even now, when I know…’ Kenneth shook his head.

‘What about Alice? Tell me about Alice.’

He grimaced. He didn’t want to do that. Talking about Alice was the same thing as sticking his hand in a fire. Over the years he’d buried all thought of her so deep in his subconscious that it was as if she’d never existed. But that time was now gone. He would simply have to endure the fire, if need be. Because he had to talk about her.

‘She was so beautiful that it took your breath away just to look at her. But as soon as she moved or started talking, you could tell that something wasn’t quite right with her. She was always hanging on Christian. We couldn’t really work out whether he liked it or not. Sometimes he seemed annoyed, but other times he seemed almost happy to see her.’

‘Did any of you ever talk to Alice?’

‘No, except for the taunts that we shouted at her.’ He felt so ashamed. He remembered it all so clearly now, everything they had done. It could have been yesterday; it was yesterday. No, it was a long time ago. He was starting to feel confused. The memories he had suppressed now seemed to be pouring out with such force that they swept along everything in their path.

‘When Alice was thirteen, the Lissanders moved away from Fjallbacka, and Christian left the family. Something happened, and I think you know what it was.’ Erica’s voice was calm, non-judgemental, and for that reason he decided to tell her. She’d find out eventually anyway. And soon he’d be joining Lisbet.

‘It was in July,’ he said, closing his eyes.

23

Christian could feel the agitation taking over his body. It was getting worse and worse, making it impossible for him to sleep at night. And causing him to see eyes under the water.

He had to leave – he knew that. If he was ever going to find a place for himself, he needed to go away. Far away from Father and Mother, and from Alice. Oddly enough, that hurt the most. Having to part with Alice.

‘Hello! Hey, you!’

He turned around in surprise. As usual, he was on his way over to Badholmen. He liked to sit there, staring out across the water at Fjallbacka.

‘Over here!’

Christian didn’t know what to think. Over near the men’s changing booths he saw Erik, Magnus, and Kenneth. And Erik was calling to him. Christian gave them a suspicious look. Whatever it was they wanted, he knew it wouldn’t be good. But the temptation was too strong, and with feigned nonchalance, he stuck his hands in his pockets and sauntered over to the three boys.

‘Want a smoke?’ asked Erik, holding out a cigarette. Christian shook his head. He was still waiting for the hammer to fall, when all three would attack him. Anything but this… show of goodwill.

‘Sit down,’ said Erik, patting the ground next to him.

As if in a dream, Christian sat down. The whole situation seemed unreal. He had imagined just such a scene so many times, hoped and longed for it. And now it was actually happening. He was sitting here, one of the group.

‘What are you doing tonight?’ asked Erik, exchanging glances with Kenneth and Magnus.

‘Nothing special. Why?’

‘We’re planning to have a party here. A private gathering, so to speak.’ Erik laughed.

‘Really?’ said Christian. He shifted his position a bit to get more comfortable.

‘Want to come?’

‘Me?’ said Christian. He wasn’t sure he’d heard right.

‘Yes, you. But everyone has to bring something to get in,’ said Erik, again exchanging glances with Magnus and Kenneth.

So there was a catch, just as he’d thought. What sort of humiliating task had they planned for him?

‘What do I have to bring?’ he asked, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

The three boys whispered to each other. Finally Erik looked at him again and said defiantly: