Grandad, Thereэ's head on the beach

mother, and we had a little chat.'

'So, where are they now?'

'They're on their way back here. I asked Nat at the post office to bring them with the mail.'

'Do you know the names of everyone in Pak Nam?'

'Don't be silly.'

'Do you honestly expect them to come quietly?'

'The world can be a daunting place when you have no money. You ask all those poor people in Bangladesh. Especially when it's raining.'

'Does Nat have a car?'

'Motorcycle with a sidecar. One of the Noys will have to sit at the rear with the mail pack on her shoulders.'

I was desperately sad the Noys had chosen to run away from us. I thought we'd established some sort of trust.

'They'll be wet to the bone,' said Mair. 'Why don't you go and make them something nice and hot for their lunch? They probably haven't eaten anything since breakfast.'

There she was. My mother. Her mind seemed to be leaking directly into her heart. As the former shrank, the latter swelled. Or perhaps she'd always been this way and I'd been too self-absorbed to notice. She seemed quite surprised when I threw my arms around her neck and sniffed the sweet perfume of her cheek. The animal in her arms growled.

'I named it Beer, by the way,' I said. 'The dog.'

'What a lovely name.' She smiled. 'So bubbly.'

I was in the kitchen putting together something hot and welcoming and trying to call Sissi back on my hands- free. Multitasking had always brought out the Mr. Bean in me. In fact, doing just two things at the same time invariably led to accidental crossover from one to the other. The phone rang before I was able to get my call through, and I didn't bother to look at the screen.

'Easy on the MSG,' I said.

'Solid advice.'

'Chompu?'

'Surprised I'm not dead?'

'I'm delighted, Chom. What happened?'

'You scarpered, is what happened.'

'A controlled retreat. At the spur of the moment that was the course of action I decided would benefit us both. It was instinct. Come on. I know you came up with some wonderful story to explain away how you got your jacket stuck in the cabinet drawer. You're brilliant like that.'

'It wasn't my jacket.'

'See? Who'd have thought of that?'

'No. I mean it wasn't my jacket. You and Egg had been gone barely a minute. I broke into the cabinet quite brilliantly, and there I was on my knees ferreting through drawers when I heard the door handle squeak behind me. I turned in fright, trembling, expecting to see Egg's pistol aimed at my head. Instead, there was Sergeant Major Tort, who handles all the accounts for the police stations in the region. The sergeant major is generally on a tight schedule because he also has a catfish farm that takes up a lot of his time. He can't wait for this or that officer to get back from the field to hand over his expenses sheet, so he has access to all the locked cabinets. The desk sergeant gives him a bunch of keys when he arrives. Egg's time sheets were in his files. I took the papers I thought would be relevant down to the copy room and returned to find the major still at it. I put back the original files and secreted the copies in my Nok Airways baby-blue backpack. Subterfuge successful! I even allowed a smug expression to creep onto my boyish face.

'That's when the sergeant major got his jacket stuck in the drawer. He'd put back the budget file and slammed the drawer shut and the jacket zipper got itself wedged in there somehow. He hadn't even locked the thing. He heaved and he hoed and tugged for all his worth and could not get that jacket out. The scene was playing beautifully for me. If only he'd stayed there tugging away. But, to my horror, he deserted the jacket, calling it 'the type of cheap flashy crap the police were so fond of handing around' and he left. A minute later Egg arrived and you ran away.'

'I assumed…'

'That I was Inspector Clouseau?'

'So you have them?'

'The files? But, of course, ma cherie.'

'And Egg bought the whole stuck zipper story?'

'Unequivocally. Haven't you?'

'Of course I…Wait! Is it true?'

'Does it matter?'

'That is exactly why I love you so dearly, Lieutenant.'

'Ah, if only you were a New Zealand rugby player. Do you want me to bring you the files?'

'No. I'd like you to read through them first. If there's anything suspicious in there, you're the man to spot it.'

'Very well.'

'Chom. You were sensational.'

'I know.'

I had another call waiting. It was Sissi telling me she had the class lists and was sending them to my e-mail. The flight to Seoul had been delayed an hour. The yellow-shirt spokesman had announced that this would be a temporary measure while their own people took control of the airport.

'I'm not sure how much faith I have in a traffic control tower manned by clothing retailers,' she said.

I could see her point, and I'd run out of 'everything will be fine' comments.

'Can't you kick up a stink?' I asked.

'No need for that, little sister,' she said. 'The rebels didn't face fire from the police, but you should see the flak flying from all the disgruntled passengers. There's nothing like an airport full of stroppy foreigners to test the unity of an insurgent army. It's a joy. I'm watching a group of British darts players poking some poor baroness in the bosom with their fingers.'

'You're taking it all very calmly,' I remarked.

'Can't fight fate, Jimm. When the ides are against you, there's nothing you can do but sit back and enjoy the show.'

'Look, Sissi. I can't get to my e-mail right now. As you have a little while before your flight, perhaps you could ..

'Already started. I see eight Thai names on the lists. It looks like it might have been a scholarship program or something. Only one name so far that I've found on all the lists. It's someone called Chaturaporn-male. But these are early days. And I have a feeling I'll have endless free hours for research. There's just been a delivery of table tennis tables. They seem ominously well prepared.'

'You know? If all else fails, you could always come down here for a bit of a holiday.'

'Wade knee-deep in stinky beach garbage and trip over body parts? That would be something of an itinerary. I'm surprised Club Med hasn't picked up on it.'

' 'No' would have been fine.'

'Yeah, sorry. I don't think I'll make it. Besides, I seem to be caught up in a little ruck of Thai history, here. I can tell my grandchildren all about it.'

'Well, you stay out of trouble.'

'Not on your life. I've just emerged from solitary confinement. I'm planning to get into as much trouble as I possibly can. I read there were couples who met during the occupation of Government House and fell in love and got married there. Just think. I have all these men around me who can't get away. After a few weeks I might even start to look attractive to them.'

'It sounds to me like you don't really care about Korea.'

'Care? Certainly I care. But this might even work out better. The gala's foreign guest of honor held captive by