Myth-Gotten Gains

Sometimes I just tune in to him to listen. He's really very good...'

'Why is that a surprise?' Asti asked. 'Of course he's good! He's one of us!'

'Why are you defending the noisemaker?' Ersatz asked. 'You never cared about him before this.'

'You never tried to defend him yourself,' Asti pointed out. 'You always told him to shut up because his playing was making your metal bend.'

I tuned out the babble.

Locating the Elb Arena was easy. Over the top of the shops and houses, I could see the cupola that had been pictured on the poster. I led us through the narrow alleyways and through streets crowded with donkey wagons and foot traffic.

The Arena stood in the center of a square filled with museums, galleries and public sculpture, a hulk of a building constructed of greenish stone and decorated in a local style that approximated rococo but with extra flourishes. The entrance was an archway of fancifully twisted and carved stone depicting flowers, hairy nymphs, fish and birds, all gilded and painted as if there had been a special running on loud colors at the home-decorating store.

Finding the back-stage door was easier yet. At the center of the rear wall was a smaller version of the grand entrance, nymphs and all, but in miniature.

Trying to get through said back door was a different question.

'Come on,' I told the two heavily-armed Trolls lounging against the wall as if they were holding it up, 'we're friends of the band. Buirnie will be ticked off if you don't tell him we have come to see him. We came all the way from another dimension to visit him.'

'Dey all say dat,' the first Troll opined.

'Take off,' the second Troll said, not troubling to take a toothpick, the size of a belaying pin, out from between an incisor and a bicuspid.

'Look,' I said, leaning toward them confidentially. 'We've come a long way to see Buirnie. We're not from this dimension.'

I nodded to Tananda, who took the disguise spell off. The Trolls stood upright.

'See? We brought a few special guests with us. If you don't believe me, take the names in to the Flute, and see what he says. If he tells you to toss us out, then do it. What have you got to lose?'

'Don't like to interrupt Mr. Buirnie,' the first Troll said, letting his lower lip hang loose.

But I could see that he was eying Tananda. A Trollop like her wouldn't be fooled by the dense act that the males of Trollia put on when they were in other dimensions. Her brother Chumley, a large, purple-furred Troll, concealed his intellectual qualities so he could get work as a bodyguard, under the nom de guerre Big Crunch. I figured these two were also pulling down decent salaries by concealing their IQ points.

'Oh, come on,' Tananda said, sidling in between them. She put an arm around each, running her hands up and down their furry backs. I know what kind of effect she has on other species; to her own kind that touch must be electrifying. The big lugs practically started purring. 'One of you can just run inside and ask Buirnie if he'll see some old friends, can't you? For me?'

The two Trolls eyed one another.

'You go,' the first Troll said.

'No. Me like it here. You go.'

'I senior. You go.'

'Now, boys,' Tananda said, keeping her personal magik going as her fingers flew along their spines. 'We'll all go.'

Before we went inside, she restored the disguise spell. Just in time, too, because the theater was bustling. Backstage bosses in purple coveralls were yelling at the crews, who carried pieces of sets and rolled racks of costumes past us. Calypsa followed, her beak agape with astonishment. I brought up the rear, making sure no one followed us down the corridor.

'I don't see how you are earning any part of your reward today, Aahz,' Asti said. 'You botched the negotiations. Your Trollop closed the deal, and neatly, I might add. Nothing to do with you at all!'

'Shut up,' I snarled. I had just been admiring Tanda's technique, and the goblet's remarks drained all the joy out of it like a hole in a wine keg. 'We got in, didn't we? I don't care what works as long as something did. If she hadn't persuaded them, I would have found another way. I didn't have to. End of story.'

'Ah, well, you have an excuse for everything,' Asti said, in a dismissive tone, as we passed through a felt- covered door. 'I suppose you have to, with your lack of success.'

'What do you mean, my lack of success?' I bellowed.

'Shh!' one of the Trolls hissed, distracted away from Tananda's ministrations. 'Buirnie doesn't like nobody's loud noises but his own.'

'What's all the racket going on out there?' demanded a shrill voice that filled the short hallway. 'I can't hear myself whistle!'

The Trolls held open a set of double doors adorned with huge gold stars and escorted us through them. There was no doubt we were entering an audience chamber. The room was crowded with furniture and people, but I had no trouble picking out Buirnie himself. For one thing, he was the only gold flute in the room, arranged upon an emerald green velvet pil-

low, and for another, a spotlight shone down on him. The glare off his golden carapace was almost blinding. It cast everything else in shadow. I squinted and got a better look at him. Buirnie wasn't exactly a flute. He was in the flute family, but he was one of its smallest members. He was a fife.

'Who's there?' he demanded. 'Come on, who has come to visit Buirnie of the Golden Voice?'

'Buirnie of the Colossal Ego, you mean,' Asti said, in a long-suffering voice.

'Asti? Asti, is that you? I thought I felt a disturbance in the Force. How the peep are you?'

'And me, dear,' Kelsa spoke up. 'And Ersatz.'

Little round emeralds at the top of the Flute above the embouchure widened into large emeralds. 'Well, this IS a surprise! I thought that the next time we all met would be one of the signs of the Final Apocalypse!'

'Nothing that spectacular, I hope,' Asti said.

'Tell me all about it! I love surprises, especially when they aren't fatal ones!' Buirnie let out a high pitched chuckle.

This was some kind of signal, because the Elbans in the room broke out into hysterical giggles. He let out a sharp whistle, and they stopped, all glancing at one another nervously. Hangers on. Sycophants.

'Not fatal, you silly bird-call, but important.'

'Can we talk in private?' I said, trying to wrest control of the conversation back from the Cup.

'Clear the way, folks, clear the way!' Buirnie exclaimed. 'Make way for my oldest and dearest friends! And a few new ones,' he said, eying Tananda, Calypsa and me warily. 'Sit down, sit down. The rest of you come back when I whistle!'

The Elban attendants hustled out, but the two Trolls remained. They stepped forward to flank the velvet pillow. When everyone else was gone, the emeralds turned toward me.

'So, the band is getting back together!' Buirnie said, with a jovial, easy attitude that I didn't buy for one minute. 'You have a masterful air about you, big fellah. You tell me what's

going on. To what do I owe the honor of this visit? Do I owe any of you money?' Buirnie broke into nervous laughter. The drum on the floor next to him rolled a rim shot. 'Hey, thanks, Zildie!'

'I'm just the brains of this operation, but the one I want you to listen to is the skinny girl back there.' I aimed a thumb at the disguised Walt behind me. 'Calypsa's got a story to tell you.'

'Sit down, lovely child,' Buirnie said hospitably. She looked at me for clarification. I signed to her to sit down on the hassock beside the raised cushion. 'Klik, widen the beam so it illuminates both of us, will you?'

'Gotcha, boss!' A voice came from overhead. I glanced upward. The brilliant light which was focused upon the Flute hopped from one part of the ceiling to another, and the glare increased. 'How's that?'

'Great!' Buirnie said. 'Calypsa, is it? You're a pretty little gal, aren't you? Will you have some wine?' He let out a sharp whistle, three brief blasts. A tall Elban female came rushing in with a tray, smiling shyly at us. 'Now, what can Buirnie the Great do for you?'