Myth-Gotten Gains

'How many?'

'Five thousand.'

'Forget it. You people aren't much help. Maybe we can do a little detective work. We can go to the Bazaar and a few other places who know where choice jewelry and magik items are being traded around the dimensions. I'll need a description. What's he look like?'

The face under the turban began its eye-bulging antics again, then vanished. An image started to coalesce in its place inside

the globe. 'Here is the ring Bozebos, great circle of eternity. Its golden band was mined from the same seam that produced the rest of us. We are brothers and sisters in the metal. The wizard Prumdar fashioned it in his workshop under a year's worth of full moons. The gems adorning it are of equal quality, all precious beyond compare. Behold, the Diamond of Justice! The Sapphire of Purity! The Spinel of Curiosity. The Cubic Zirconia of Economy...'

'Gaudy, ain't it,' I observed.

'That could not possibly be the Ring,' Calypsa said, gawking at it.

'Why not?' I asked. 'It looks like the mother of all magikal rings. In fact, it looks like several put together. Iiberace would have loved it.'

'Who's Liberace?' Calypsa asked. For a moment I thought about Skeeve, and how he never got my cultural references, either.

'Never mind,' I said. 'WHY can't this be the Ring?'

'It cannot possibly be great Bozebos, because it is a piece of junk jewelry that my grandfather got from his mother, who received it from her father's mother. He wears it when he does his Dance of Lights.'

Tananda and I looked at each other. I raised an eyebrow.

'There is no way that Barrik didn't know that,' she said. 'I'd bet the last pair of panties in my underwear drawer.'

'If we didn't think this was all a trap before, I'm sure of it now,' I said. 'Kid, Barrik has no intention of freeing your grandfather once you bring the Golden Hoard to him. In fact, if you do it, you'll be lucky to escape with your life.'

'That is the rede of what I have been seeking to convince her,' Ersatz said. 'We need an approach that will upset the wizard's plans.'

'Grandfather has the last of the treasures!' Calypsa said, absorbing at last what we'd just spent the last several minutes telling her. 'Then we must take the rest to Barrik immediately.'

'No way.'

'But, Aahz! You have been saying all along...'

I cut her off.

'I changed my mind. We can't do it.'

'Tananda!' The girl pleaded. 'We must go.'

Tananda shook her head. 'I agree with Aahz. It's a trap. You can't walk in there and expect a fair deal. You'll hand the Hoard to him, and he'll have his minions take them away so that he doesn't have to pay off on his promise. He wants to keep the old man locked up forever, probably to discourage any other Walts from thumbing their noses, er, beaks at him.'

'Then, what shall I do?' Calypsa asked, piteously.

'You have us. We have the power between us to break any stronghold,' Ersatz assured her. 'And with your promise as a swordswoman and me in your hand, none shall harm you.'

'You're thinking of setting her, one inexperienced girl, alone against a castleful of minions?' I asked disbelievingly.

'I believe that she will not be ALONE,' as you suggest so insultingly, friend Aahz. We will be with her. We shall undertake this rescue ourselves. Pardon me for my forwardness, Calypsa, but you are inexperienced in these matters. We will take the lead, if you do not mind.'

'Thank you,' she said, looking at the Sword with an expression of admiration and trust.

'Tananda and I have plenty of experience at rescues and dealing with enemy wizards,' I said.

'Perhaps,' Payge said, vaguely. 'Do you mind not intruding? My colleagues and I are conferring. All right, sharpie, what is it you think we should do?'

'Hey!' I protested. 'What am I, chopped liver?'

'Silence, Pervect,' Asti said. 'This is none of your concern.'

I goggled at her. Ersatz's eyes turned pensive.

'A direct assault is the best way, the Sword said, ignoring the Book's insult. 'With me in her hand, I will guide her to defeat the forces of the stronghold. She can win through to

the sanctuary of the tyrant. He will not be able to stand against us! He must surrender, in fear of his life.'

'To an army of one?' Buirnie asked, with heavy sarcasm. He twinkled at Calypsa. 'No, it would be far better if you and I went in there together, sweetheart! With your dancing and my singing, we could waltz in there, excuse the pun, and waltz out again before he knew what we were doing. We'll get your grandfather out of his jail cell, and 23-skidoo!'

Calypsa let out a wail of sorrow.

'My poor grandfather! That the house of Calypso suffers so!'

'There, there, child,' Ersatz said. 'I promise, I will assist you to free him.'

'We all will,' Asti assured her.

'And just how do you think you're going to do that?' I asked.

The Hoard ignored me.

Payge rustled importantly. 'The fact of the old Walt's very captivity could mean that Bozebos is no longer in his possession.'

'Barrik has him!' Buirnie said. 'That must be why the villain has demanded the rest of us. He's decided he wants the entire set! Well, what's not to like? It has happened in the past, by the masters of Valhal who first assembled us in one place.'

'I have foretold it will happen again before the world's end,' Kelsa said. 'More than once. This may be one of the times. In fact, it could cause the end of the world. Again, it might not.'

'How frivolous of you,' Payge said. 'Calypsa, if Bozebos is in the possession of your grandfather, then he has no need of rescue, child. Bozebos is a most powerful magik ring, the most versatile of all rings ever made. I am surprised that you have never seen a demonstration of his talents, since he has belonged to your grandfather for so long. The Ring is not shy about his talent. If he were there, he would have protected your grandfather. With Bozebos's help, Calypso could have destroyed the castle, let alone set himself free. Are you certain he is in the dungeon?'

Calypsa looked bewildered. 'Why would Barrik lie to me?'

'He was taken prisoner, Payge,' Kelsa assured him. A pic-ture appeared in her depths of a Walt who looked like an elderly, male version of Calypsa, chains on his wrists and ankles, being rushed through the gates of a solid-black castle by a whole troop of long-snouted reptiles in black capes. 'After that, I couldn't say. The spell is blocking me.'

'I can counter the spell, with a little research,' Payge said. 'I am the one you need to bring with you, Calypsa of Walt. With me in your hand, you will be as great a wizard as any other that walks the dimensions. Barrik will not hold your grandfather prisoner for long.'

'I've seen those critters before,' Buirnie said, studying the reptilian guards flanking Calypso. 'They're from Dilando. The Dile has very sensitive hearing. I can defeat them with music. They are vulnerable to my Compulsory Dance music. Mixed with a little of their own war songs, they won't know what hit them. Zildie, a one, a two, a three!'

He started to blatt out kazoo music. In spite of myself I found my feet moving. Tananda and I got up and boogied around the room. Calypsa rose to her feet and started twirling in helpless circles.

'Stop that!' I demanded. He paid no attention to me, but Ersatz bellowed.

'You are making my protege bounce up and down. It is most disconcerting.'

'Whine, whine, whine,' Buirnie said, but the kazoo music died away. 'It's the answer, I tell you. Calypsa,