XINRAN: In your life, have you met the perfect Chinese man, a true paragon?
YISHUJIA: Not yet, perhaps he only exists in my imagination.
XINRAN: You haven't met one yet? Not to this day? Including your husband?
YISHUJIA: When my husband got old I thought he was all right, but when he was young he wasn't any good. It was his smoking and drinking, I don't know how many times we fought over that. And then in the end he got cancer, I didn't try to talk him out of it then, but he changed anyway.
XINRAN: When you quarrelled about this, what did he say?
YISHUJIA: He knew it was wrong too. But he couldn't control himself, he just kept drinking and drinking, and then he had too much.
XINRAN: You didn't do like many wives do, running to the banquet and tipping over the tables?
YISHUJIA: I didn't, but I really wanted to! One time I made up my mind that if he was going to smoke I would smoke too, if he drank so would I. But I never managed to bring him round, so I gave up, I couldn't take any more. I even used to have dreams about making him cut down! I tried everything, nothing worked, it really hurt my feelings.
XINRAN: What do you think was the time when you were closest?
YISHUJIA: When we were courting. Once we were married and the child came along, things didn't go so well.
XINRAN: How did you fight?
YISHUJIA: I was both working and busy with the child, I was dog-tired, he didn't know how to help me with the work when he came home. So at that time I felt that there was no affinity between us, not like before we were married, I felt bitter inside.
XINRAN: Did you ever speak to your husband about this?
YISHUJIA: No, we never discussed it. Later on he retired, and so did I, and I felt everything was going swimmingly, and then before we'd had a year, he got cancer…
XINRAN: Have you talked to your son about these things?
YISHUJIA: Well, I've mentioned it. Sometimes he and his girlfriend quarrel and I tell him: When your father and I were courting, we never quarrelled, never fought, it was only later on when we had you that we fought; if you argue all day long while you're courting, what will your life be like when you're married?
XINRAN: When he was on his deathbed, did your husband have any last wishes?
YISHUJIA: He didn't say anything, I was the one doing the talking. He was just showing me that in the last days of his life he was prepared to listen to me.
Teacher Yi had once again come to a place of pain, and again she could not prevent her tears from falling. When I saw her tears, I wondered why people who are in the prime of life never have the time to connect with their feelings. Are they so busy with their craving for material things, fame and wealth and vanity that they have no time for each other? Could it really be that only death awakes a person's real self?
XINRAN: Before you had a child, did you want a boy or a girl?
YISHUJIA: A boy.
XINRAN: Why?
YISHUJIA: I thought a boy meant strength, a good reputation, the roots of the family. I know you'll tell me that's an old-fashioned, feudal notion.
XINRAN: So now your son is old enough to start a family of his own, do you hope he'll have a son or a daughter?
YISHUJIA: My ideas are more liberated now, either a boy or a girl would be fine.
XINRAN: Really?
YISHUJIA: Really, from the heart.
XINRAN: In our society many people say that their grandparents' generation was ignorant and foolish, and their parents' generation was foolishly loyal. How do you see this?
YISHUJIA: I don't see it that way. Young people take exception to the old, the old disapprove of the young, this is quite normal.
XINRAN: Back in your day, did you approve of your parents?
YISHUJIA: Not always. For example, once my mother saw that I had a new top, so she asked: Where'd you get that? I didn't dare say I'd bought it myself, at that time I handed over all my money to the family, in fact my fiance had bought me that top. When my mother found out she was very angry, she said to me: 'Silly girl, you can't go around spending other people's money! Young people these days don't care about that, they're very free with money, even the money their parents sweated and bled to earn!'
XINRAN: In your day, relations between men and women were rather traditional, now they are relatively open. Which do you personally prefer, and why?
YISHUJIA: I think the two things should come together – too traditional feels too starchy and conservative, but being too open makes people uncomfortable. In our day, couples used to cross the road – he'd be stood on this side of the road, she'd be over there. And watching a film, couples would sit there, all prim and proper; when the film was over, one of them would leave first, then the other – they couldn't get close, they were afraid their colleagues would see! And now? It's actually a bit much, so liberated it's shameless, it's embarrassing to watch! If the feeling takes them, they just start gnawing away at each other, even on the street!
XINRAN: In your whole life, what do you think have been the three bitterest things and the three happiest things?
YISHUJIA: The three bitterest things? That would be when I was small and learning my art, and when I was very small and my father wasn't at home, and when I couldn't solve difficulties with my colleagues. The bitterness when I was small and at home was because my family had no money, we couldn't even afford soap, you had to wash clothes with a fistful of salt. And it used to be appallingly cold when we did our practice routines – there were no carpets in those days, just a concrete floor, so when you went down in the splits you had to stay spreadeagled there for ages without falling over, with all your weight on your legs for such a long time, and you couldn't rest, it was a bit much! Then again, people like me who are children of Reform through Labour convicts still want to better ourselves, just the same as anybody else! 'Join the Communist Youth League? Who said
XINRAN: What were your three joys?
YISHUJIA: When my father's case was solved, it was as if a great mountain weighing down on me had disappeared; when I won a big national prize and was raised to a third-grade salary, I felt I hadn't spent all that energy for nothing; the third is when I became a National Level One Performer – at that moment I felt I'd accomplished most of my goals for this life.
XINRAN: Do you have any unfulfilled wishes?
YISHUJIA: To see my grandchild. They're all very practical things, I don't have any far-reaching ambitions.
XINRAN: What changes do you think there have been in China in the last twenty years?
YISHUJIA: That's too big a question! It's changing everywhere, everything's changing. Relationships were different when I was young. We were more innocent then, there were conflicts, but they were just small conflicts, not big ones. People these days, they're all trying to outwit each other, it's exhausting.
XINRAN: What do you think was the cause of this?
YISHUJIA: I think it was especially bad after the Cultural Revolution, it wasn't like that before! Now, people's ideas are confused, they've picked up bad habits of mind, and they don't even try to learn good habits, all they care about is money, they don't care about people. This will hold the whole country back.
XINRAN: Teacher Yishujia, do you regret your life?
YISHUJIA: I would have to say no. My father and mother gave me life, this is a part of nature, my life was hard and full of frustrations, but isn't that true for all Chinese?
